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Alphawolf's collection of character failure!
#1
It's not what you think! What I want to post here, is mock-character profiles. Basically, humorous examples of what the mods would most likely Deny, Deny, Deny. So, I'll start us out.

DISCLAIMER! If you are offended by anything posted here because it's a stark contrast to your character...you should sit down, and re-evaluate things. These aren't meant to mock anyone. They are just humorous, if not horrific, mock profiles.

Name: Big McLargehuge
Gender: Burly Male
Race: American Gladiator
Class: Walking Muscle
Age: 21
Height: 7'10
Weight: 450lbs

Usual Appearance: Often Shirtless, and oiled.

Alignment: Lawful Stupid

Personality: Lacking. He has an extreme love of himself, and his muscles. Conversations with him often include his muscles, or how he could lift a truck with his pinkey.

History: Before he was born, Big's father, Tiny McLargehuge, remembers leaning his head on his wife's pregnant belly, and getting punched by a massive baby-fist. Shortly after, Big was born, as a man! He took the world by storm, spewing such things as "Get out o' de 'ouse!!" And "Ge' to the Choppa!" while jumping off of fiery buildings.

His fame was given to him, however, when he stopped the murderous aliens from blowing up Stormwind. He even survived a nuclear explosion in that event!

Ar-rah-rah!
[Image: desc_head_freemasons.jpg]

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#2
lol
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#3
Such idiocy and stupidity...I love it!
Vaermina: So cold, yet she feels alive. On Death Row.
Bell: Arrogant yet kind-hearted. Crusader.
Gral'dar: Joyful and Alive.
Valia: Brilliant but easily confused. Expert Scientist/Engineer
Sala'driana: Too Flirtatious for her own good.
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#4
Name: Jim Slims
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Class: Cowboy
Age: 35

Usual Garments: 10 gallon hat, cowhide vest, assless chaps.

Personality: Reckless, fearless, moneyless.

Alignment: Chaotic Badass

History: A Ratchet regular, and a deputy, Jim stomps in, bow-legged. He glances around and points at a big, nasty orc. Then he shoots! The bullet ricochets off of seven different surfaces before landing right between his eyes!

Usual days for Jim include this, eating baked beans by a fire, and shooting down army's with only six bullets.

Yeeeehaw!
[Image: desc_head_freemasons.jpg]

△Move along.△


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#5
I can't...Oh, god. Stop, I can't stop laughing at how ridiculous this is. So random.
Vaermina: So cold, yet she feels alive. On Death Row.
Bell: Arrogant yet kind-hearted. Crusader.
Gral'dar: Joyful and Alive.
Valia: Brilliant but easily confused. Expert Scientist/Engineer
Sala'driana: Too Flirtatious for her own good.
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#6
n_n oh shit I gotta do one

Character Full Name: Aleleyss'andriana'hara Peacewindghostwhisper formely Aleyessa Smith

Character In-Game Name: GoddessAlely

Nickname: Allie, Alye, Alyssa, Allyissakins, Himeko, Peaciepoo, (20 more nicknames are listed, some with disclaimers as to who can or why she is called such)

Association: Sisters of Elunue's highest ranks

Race: Human

Class: Priest

Age: 15

Sex: Female

Hair: Shimmering brown with golden sun-kissed highlights. You think they're beautiful.

Eyes: A deep, seascaped blue tinged with the sadness of a thousand wars.

Weight: 98lbs*

Height: 5'6"*

*Is near impossible

Usual Garments/Armor: (5 Paragraphs of stuff about clothing)

Alignment: Neutral Good

Personality: Aly is shy, loyal, but well loved. Not much is known about her, but upon first glance, you know she fights to hide a deep sadness within her heart that only love can cure.

History: Aly's parents were killed by orcs, and thusly, she hates orcs deeply. One almost tried to force himself upon her, but she barely escaped. Thus, she really hates orcs. So she traveled to Kalimdor where she heard about Night Elves. Because she was oh so unique and charming and not at all haughty xenophobes, they fully accepted her into their culture and even invited her to work among the ranks of the high priestesses. Within days she was Tyrande's most trusted woman and thus she engaged in her lifelong fantasy of totally making out with her.

Of course, this all came to an end when Allie was visited by a satyr in the form of an alluring elven man. Unfortunately, his kiss transformed her into a shadow priestess. She grew long fangs and had to prey in the night for fresh blood. This spell also turns her into a Worgen during the full moon. She cast herself out from Darnassus, much to dismay of all the Kal'Dorei that adored her. (Even Malfurion liked her, but he is so not gonna admit it) Now, she wanders the world with her striking beauty, walking on water and preying in the night as she finds a cure for her tragic condition.
˜★Sketch Blog
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#7
TD, I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth after reading that one. :)
Simon - Ancient Vindicator
Sorel - I'm a spice trader. No, really, that's what I am! Ignore the Voidwalker behind the curtain...
Irasis - Mute undead warrior-priest
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#8
*rolls around, squeaking for air*
[Image: Q1-1.png]

"We are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
~Kurt Vonnegut
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#9
You...monster! *Finally dies of extreme laughter*
Vaermina: So cold, yet she feels alive. On Death Row.
Bell: Arrogant yet kind-hearted. Crusader.
Gral'dar: Joyful and Alive.
Valia: Brilliant but easily confused. Expert Scientist/Engineer
Sala'driana: Too Flirtatious for her own good.
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#10
Last one for a while to give more peeps a turn:

Character Full Name:Samuel L. Jackson
Character In-Game Name: Winnfield
Nickname: Jules
Association: Ratchet, The Barrens
Race: Human
Class: Hitman
Age: 50idunno
Sex: Male
Hair: black jehri curl
Eyes: dark brown
Height: taller than you
Usual Garments/Armor: Badass guns, buisness suit, golden watches

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Personality: He is badass and don't take nothin' from nobody

History: One day, Sam woke up and was all sick and tired of that crap Chuck Norris was pulling in /The Barrens. Apparently he was pointing fingers in the air and blowing up cities, and storing multiple fists under his beard and fighting the Titans. He had about enough of this Chuck Norris on his Barrens, so he loaded up and jumped in his caddy. After grouping up with Vince Vega and having a long discussion about the origins of cheese, he met Thrall. Thrall was all "YOU GOTTA TAKE MY WIFE ON A DATE" and Sam totally slapped him, because Thrall ain't married, y'all. Besides, that was John Travolta's role.

Anyway, he drove back to the Barrens, cuz that's where it's at. After shooting people in that one coffee house where I get them sammiches from, he got in his flying machine and desnaked it. He started staking out the barrens to fight that asshole, Chuck Norris. "WHO HE THINK HE IS? WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?" he can be heard screaming through the sky to invoke the blessing of the gods upon the savannah residents.

Anyway, Marvin knows where he is, but oh man, he just got shot in the face. So we gotta find Chuck Norris, and make sure Sam gets his place back in the Barrens. He never had no place, but he'll have one if he can raid Chuck Norris.

LFG CN No Greens please need HEALERS GOT TANK BRING DAMN GOOD MILKSHAKES
˜★Sketch Blog
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#11
Character Full Name: Canitar Reaper

Character In-Game Name: Canitar

Nickname(s): Can, Cani, Reap, Reaper, ARCANITE REAPER!!!

Association(s): The ARCANITE REAPER!!! Club for the mentally afflicted.

Race: Rugged Bionic Human

Class: Super-Ultra-Pwnzor-Ub3r-L33t-Mega-Strong-Techno-Warrior.

Age: 19

Sex: Yes plx

Hair: Bald, hair is for n00bs

Eyes: Red like the blood I spill

Weight: Heavy enough to be immune to knockback

Height: 6'10

Usual Garments/Armor: Battlegear of Might + ARCANITE REAPER!!!

Other: I pwn those n00bs with mine ub3r l33t h4x0r pwnsause

Alignment: Chaotic Pwnage

Personality: Likes pwning n00bs like Ragnaros, Illidan, Kael'thas, Kil'Jaeden and Hogger.

History: Canitar was born at the age of 14 wearing Battlegear of Might and wielding the almighty ARCANITE REAPER!!! which his father had named him after.

He was immediatly sent to pwn Hogger cus he was already so l33t he needed no training beforehand. He went up to Hogger and shouted, "YO IS N00B AND I IS PRO!". He then charged in and brutally maimed Hogger for 9999 damage. Hogger died. He looted Hogger and got 250000 gold and a Giant Gnoll Paw. He handed Hogger's Paw in for 939483953635683509680935093560956 EXP and instantly leveled to 90.

He instantaniously appeared outside MC and walked in. He was so l33t all attunements were voided for him. He walked in and pwned all the mobs with his ARCANITE REAPER!!! then all the bosses with Heroic Strike using the ARCANITE REAPER!!!. He finally got to Ragnaros whom he pwned in six attacks. With his neverending full bar of rage he charged in and landed five sunder armours reducing Rag's armour by 999999999999999999999 cus Canitar is so ub3r. He then easily pwned Rag with a 1,100,001 Damage Heroic Strike(Rag has 1,100,000 health btw lul). He got loads of epix which he vendored.

When TBC came out Canitar rushed through the portal and charged into Tempest Keep, The Eye and got through all the mobs and bosses easy cus he was uber like. Once he got to Kael he shouted, "YO IS N00B LIKE HOGGER, I IS PRO LIKE ARCANITE REAPER!! ARCANITE REAPER PWN U!!!!!". He then proceeded to charge at Kael who ran away and jumped off the Eye and plummited to his death in the Twisting Nether. Someone Canitar looted him and got infinate goldz.

A few patches later BT was released. Canitar knew he was the only one ub3r enough to take on this new dungeon so he did. He charged in and found he started in the sewers fighting n00b creatures like Hogger. He successfully owned them all with little trouble and got to a big blue booger man who he just walked past, wasn't work his time. Canitar then used his mount h4x and stacked all 23 of his mounts and ran past all the mobs and bosses right up to Illidans roof. Illidan shouted shiz like "you are not prepared" and "I will pwn you" but Canitar just rushed him and used his almighty slash-punt-n00b-pwner-h4x-1w1nbutt0n-lulz and 1 shotted Illidan, throwing him off BT and into laza which owned him for 9999999999999999 damage. Canitar used that Noggenfogger potion thingy that makes you float and floated down and looted Illidan for even more moniez.

By this time Canitar was 15 years old and pwned ass.

Check back soon for..

CANITAR TAKES ON QUEL'DANAS! EPISODE 2!
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
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#12
All right, I have to try this now.

Character Full Name: Skall X. Zephiroth

Character In-Game Name: Zephiroth

Nickname: Zephy, Sephy (totally by mistake, of course)

Association: Nobody but himself. ...And a totally secret badass orginization.

Race: Half-human, half-elf, half-dragon

Class: Rogue, but can use huge two-handed swords, as he has trained to all his life.

Age: 5,683 years old (looks 18)

Sex: Male

Hair: White, super long and styled like that one guy in (insert anime here), hangs in his face to cover his eyes no matter what position he's in, even upside-down.

Eyes: Usually silver with a purple ring on the outside and a blue pupil, but when he's mad they turn all red with no pupil, and when he's sad they turn blue, and when he's going to do his ultimate attack they turn totally black.

Weight: 175 lbs, I think. Kinda.

Height: 7'5"

Usual Garments/Armor: Trench coats with lots of chains on them. All of his clothing is black and always looks immaculate, except if he's been in a battle (which he'll win), then it will have one or two badass rips in it.

Alignment: Chaotic Evil, but he can go into any town he wants because he's a mercenary.

Personality: He never, ever speaks. Not because of some horrible injury or illness, just because he's way too cool to say anything to anyone. Except maybe to toss off a witty one-liner after he kills you. Which he totally will. He's completely unflappable. Nothing ever surprises him or upsets him, but he will get angry and then he kills everyone in the city and totally doesn't get caught.

History: He doesn't have a history, because it's totally top secret.
[Image: Q1-1.png]

"We are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
~Kurt Vonnegut
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#13
Qaza Wrote:He never, ever speaks. Not because of some horrible injury or illness, just because he's way too cool to say anything to anyone.

I see that we´ve met IRL.
All makt åt Tengil, vår befriare!

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#14
Name: Orly OMGZ
Sex: YES PLZ
Player: Shibbyshanker122039
Organization: LEET HAXXOR
Age: 5
Race: Blood Elf
Hair: BALD ROFFLE
Eyes: Green DUH

Usual Garments: EPIX

Alignment: OMG WUT?

Personality: I'm leet haxxor to the maxxor, I need everythin all teh tyme an I don have time to put up with this rp bs while we raid noob

History: Born to nobility Orly obviously learned his verbalism from the finest scholars in all of england. Often found to be intelligent, and trustworthy within large groups. He is a natural leader for everything, and knows how to do things better than you. Always. Even if he hasn't done it and you have.

OMG Greenz GTFO newb omg roflmao PWNT
[Image: desc_head_freemasons.jpg]

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#15
Alphawolf1986 Wrote:He is a natural leader for everything, and knows how to do things better than you. Always. Even if he hasn't done it and you have.

You've obviously played with me on Live? :P
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
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