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Eddy Arrowwood [Human Techno Warlock]
#1
Player: Stealthscout.

Character Full Name: Edward Arrowwood.

Character In-Game Name: Eddy.

Nickname(s): Jazz hands.

Association(s): House Thelwind, House of the Arcane Contraption.

Race: Human.

Class: Warlock (OOC) Techno Warlock (IC)

Skills and Abilities:

Upon the completion of Stormwind at the year 14, Eddy went to learn physics and arcane at the Mage Quarters to become a Techno Mage. Later he found out about warlockery and used his training to become a Techno Warlock. This knowledge grants Eddy a few other skills:

Cursed bullets: Eddy sometimes likes to curse the bullets he shoots. His bullet will slowly cause an infection around the wound area, and if not treated- the person will have a bad infection.

Shadow bullet: When things get serious Eddy decides to coat the bullet with a shadow bolt. It works the same, just with the bullet.

Incendiary ammo: Like the shadow bolt, Eddy coats the bullet with fel flames.

Physician: When Eddy understood he cannot practice Warlockery in public, he decided to take up another path in science and he became a doctor, thus allowing him to practice at break hours or when he is at his own private clinic at House Thelwind.

Age: 38.

Sex: Male.

Hair: Light brown.

Eyes: Brown mixed with hazel.

Weight: 165 lbs.

Height: 5’5

Usual Garments/Armor: Eddy wears a regular black suit with no tie and white gloves. On top of the suit the tabard of the Thelwind family is placed. From his left pants pocket a silver string could be seen attached to his pants.

When he works at the clinic he wears a white coat which protects his usual garments from blood. He also wears a mask in case he deals with an infecious disease. The white gloves get switched with more sterile ones.

Alignment: Lawful Neutral.

Personality: Eddy is very methodic in his lifestyle; he could be described as borderline perfectionist at times. He has to have his clinic and his outfit perfectly clean. He doesn't lack manners either, and sometimes over does it by apologising more than once to something. Despite of all above, Eddy could be described as a friendly person. He likes the company of his friends and he typically jokes around with his patients who aren't severely wounded. His habbit of giving people lolipops is becauee he sometimes deals with the children. Children tend to hate to go to the doctor so he gives them a treat at the end. This habbit got rubbed to his older clients aswell.

History: Eddy was born to a family of fletchers at the woods of Elwynn Forest. They supplied arrows to hunters in exchange for food. They got the wood and the iron from their relatives; it was a whole private business that was essentially run by the family. Later on the family transferred to Goldshire and his family became well paid which allowed the family to sustain itself and have money for other investments.

When the war began the Orcs destroyed their home and sacked their house, taking all of the valuable items and gold. The Arrowwood family was able to take some of the gold and hide it in Eddy's older sister's toys. They ran away and hid in the forest with the hunters. Because the hunters were good friends with the Arrowheads, they were able to endure the forest's condition because of that friendship they had.

Years passed, and the second war almost passed unnoticed since they were busy with restoring their old business. Sadly, the mine they used got infected by Kobolds and they couldn't use it. Eddy has finally began to grow up into the boots of a man and decided to start learning how to read and write. After eight years of learning the basics he used the money their parents hid away to pay his physics and mage studies. He arrived at Stormwind and found out the only place to do this is at the Barrens at the House of the Arcane Contraption, Eddy went there and started learning his art.

During his study, he needed a quiet place to relax as he learned; Eddy went to his dorm and bought a drink along the way. He was approached by one of his colleges who was also a good friend he acquired and was asked if he wants to try warlockery. Eddy who was just beginning his ways as a mage, did not know what warlockery is, so he went and tried it out. Eddy was surprised by the power it offered and decided to learn it after he finished his mage training.

After Eddy was informed by his friend that society does not accept warlocks, he decided to go and learn how to become a physician, which will hide his main occupation from society. Eddy took the idea because he was intrigued with biology. Eddy wasn't able to finish his learning in the perfect score, but he finished his tests and certified with an average score.

Eddy decided to open up a clinic in Stormwind and start his new life to support his family. One day, Eddy was recruited by house Thelwind to become their personal warlock, but they like to call him their personal doctor. They found him through his ties with the warlocks at the Slaughter Lamb. During their meeting they discused his occupation and offered him a safe haven to practice his skills without being noticed.

Made a typo with the title! I fixed it though.
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#2
To quickly note; I would suggest Eddy visit the House of the Arcane Contraption. I don't think Stormwind has the facilities to learn the fine parts of techno-arcanistry (I made that word up, hush). Yes, the House is in the RPG, and the RPG is decanonized, but it's the best we have for this "prestige" or "variant" class.

I used it for my techno priest, and it's often forgotten, though a fun thing to explore!
[Image: tumblr_nfm4t0FZcT1rtcd58o1_r1_500.gif]
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#3
Quote:During his study he needed a quiet place to relax as he learns; Eddy went to the slaughtered lamb and bought a drink. He was approached by a shady person and was asked if he wants to learn warlock. Eddy who was just beginning his ways as a mage, did not know what warlocky is, so he went and tried it out. Eddy was surprised by the power it offered and decided to learn it after he will finish his mage training.

I want to see more detail here. A shady person walking up to a stranger in a tavern and asking a stranger if he wants to learn about warlockery is...well...dangerous. Unless the shady person was very reckless, he would need a reason to approach Eddy. I want to see that reason, at least.

Quote:Physician: Upon the completion of Stormwind at the year 14, Eddy went to learn physics and arcane at the Mage Quarters to become a Techno Mage, later then he found out about warlocky and used his training to become a Techno Warlock. After finishing his Techno training at the year 22 he went to become a physician to hide his identity of a warlock.

I'm confused as to whether you mean physician or physicist, namely because you describe him opening a clinic but you also talk about him learning about physics. I want to know more about why he decided to open a clinic at the end of the history, and how he runs it while being a Warlock on the side. Also, in the Usual Garments/Armor section, you should add what he wears when he's working in the clinic.

Quote:Weight: 179 lbs.

Height: 5’5

This would mean that he's either overweight, or extremely buff. Just wanted to point that out for you.

Quote:Later on the family transferred to Goldshire and his family became rich and one of the best businesses around.

I'm skeptical that they could become rich off a private business that dealt with making and selling arrows, but I'd be less skeptical if you described them as 'well off' rather than 'rich'. I just don't think that Goldshire is big enough for a business based off fletching to make a family rich.

The rest is grammar and expansion suggestions, which I'll put in a spoiler, since it's a lot.

Spoiler:

Quote:Techno warlock (IC)

Capitalize 'warlock' here.

Quote:Physician: Upon the completion of Stormwind at the year 14, Eddy went to learn physics and arcane at the Mage Quarters to become a Techno Mage, later then he found out about warlocky and used his training to become a Techno Warlock.

You should split this into two sentences. If you put a period after 'Techno Mage' and begin the next sentence as 'Later, he found out about warlockery...'

Yes, while warlockery isn't a word, we can say it is (because that's what it's usually called int he fantasy setting). You should change 'warlocky' here to 'warlockery'.

Quote:Eddy is very methodic in his lifestyle; he could be described as borderline perfectionist in certain times.

I would change 'in certain times' to either 'at times' or 'sometimes'.

Quote:He doesn't lack manners too, he sometimes over does it by double checking that the knife is held correctly.

Sounds a little choppy. I would change 'too' to 'either' and change 'he sometimes' to 'and sometimes'. Doublechecking the way in which he holds a knife is a rather odd example of manners. I suggest adding to or replacing it with other examples. That way you can expand the personality a bit.

Quote:Besides all what is above

More choppy wording. I would suggest changing this to something such as 'Despite all of the above', or something similar to this.

Quote:They ran away and hid at the forest with the hunters.

hid in the forest*

Quote:The years passed and the second war almost passed unnoticed since they were busy in restoring their old business back.

I would start this off as 'Years passed, and the...'. Also, change 'busy in' to 'busy with'.

Quote:Sadly the mine they used got infected by Kobolds and they cannot use it no more.

Comma after 'Sadly'. Also, change 'cannot use it no more' to 'couldn't use it any longer', or something along those lines.

After eight years of learning the basics he used the money their parents hid away to pay his physics and mage study.

Comma after basics. I would also change 'his physics and mage study' to 'his physics and magic studies'.

Quote:During his study he needed a quiet place to relax as he learns; Eddy went to the slaughtered lamb and bought a drink.

Comma after study. I would also change 'learns' to 'learned', for the sake of the past tense. The semicolon is proper here, but the subject is not. A tavern isn't exactly the most quiet and relaxing place to study. In general, this is the paragraph I want to see more detail in.

Quote:He was approached by a shady person and was asked if he wants to learn warlock.

Change 'if he wants to learn warlock' to either 'if he wanted to learn about warlockery' or 'if he wanted to learn about how to be a warlock'.

Quote:Eddy who was just beginning his ways as a mage, did not know what warlocky is, so he went and tried it out.

Comma after Eddy. Change 'warlocky' to 'warlockery'. I also want to know more detail about him going and trying it out. This is something with the potential for expansion.

Quote:Eddy was surprised by the power it offered and decided to learn it after he will finish his mage training.

Change 'after he will finish his mage training' to 'after he finished his mage training'.

Quote:After Eddy was informed that society does not accept warlocks, he decided to go and learn and become a physician which will cover his main occupation from society. Eddy wasn't able to finish his learning in the perfect score, but her got finished and certified with an average score.

Change 'learn to become a physician' to 'learn how to become a physician'. A comma after physician in this sentence. I would also change 'cover' to another word, such as conceal. The sentence after the first needs a complete rewrite, because of choppy wording and the use of 'her'.

Also, this entire paragraph could use more expansion in terms of content. There is a lot here that you can go into description with.

Quote:Eddy decided to open up a clinic in Stormwind and start his new life and support his family.

Change 'new life and' to 'new life to'.

Quote:One of the days Eddy was recruited by house Thelwind to become their personal warlock. But they like to call him their personal doctor.

Change 'One of the days Eddy' to 'One day, Eddy'. You should also combine these two sentences, since the second sentence is a fragment. And, with this done, I suggest more expansion as to what happened here, to help give more description to what happened during this time.

...and that's it.

[Image: anim_500.gif]
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#4
Hey @c0rzilla thanks for informing me about that! I added it to my story.

Saying that, I changed a few things in the story to allow more clarifaction. I also split the Physician skill into two parts and added a few skills from the insperation of Shadow fang keep.
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#5
Initial approval!
[Image: RtK7PiZ.png]
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#6
Hey there! Could you merge your two paragraphs of your personality into one big paragraph, and then further explain the character's personality? Perhaps mention his habit of giving his patients lollipops, or from there, explain why he does!


Quote:Because the hunters were good friends with the Arrowheads they were able to survive just because of that friendship.

This feels a little bit repetative to me towards the end of the sentence. Would you mind rewording this?


Quote:Eddy's finally began to grow up into the boots of a man and decided to start learning how to read and write.

I believe you're missing a word here!


Below I have a bushel of grammatical fixes.

Spoiler:
Quote:Physics: Upon the completion of Stormwind at the year 14, Eddy went to learn physics and arcane at the Mage Quarters to become a Techno Mage. Later then he found out about warlockery and used his training to become a Techno Warlock. This ability grants Eddy a few other skill:

In the first highlighted section, you can remove the "Physics", since it's not exactly necessary. The rest of the paragraph explains that it leads on to the rest of the abilities just fine as it is! You can also remove the "then", and change "ability" to "knowledge". "Skill" should be plural with an s at the end.


Quote:Cursed bullets: Eddy sometimes likes to curse the bullets he shoots to not reveal his warlock identity. His bullet will slowly cause an infection around the wound area, and if not treated- the person will have a bad infection.

The highlighted section confuses me a bit, since if he's hiding his identity, wouldn't he not curse his bullets? I understand what you're trying to say with the skill, but I'd suggest removing the highlighted section since it feels contradictory. Grin2


Quote:Incendiary ammo: Like the shadow bolt, Eddy coatss the bullet with fel flames.

You have two s's in "coats", could you please remove one?


Quote:When he works at the clinic he wears a white coat which protects his usual Garments from blood.

"Garments" here doesn't need to be capitalized, feel free to switch to a lower case g!


Quote:Later on the family transferred to Goldshire and his family became well paid which allowed the family to sustain itself and have money for other invesments.

"Invesments" in here should be "investments".


Quote:Years passed, and the second war almost passed unnoticed since they were busy with restoring their old business back.

The "back" here can be removed, since when you said "restoring" earlier, it leaves the "back" to be repetative.


Quote:He arrived to stormwind and found out the only place to do this is at the barrens at the House of the Arcane Contraption, Eddy went there and started learning his art.

"To" should be "at", and the Barrens and Stormwind should be capitalized.


Quote:One day, Eddy was recruited by house Thelwind to become their personal warlock, But they like to call him their personal doctor. They found him through his ties with the warlocks at the slaughter lamb. During their meeting they discused his occupation and offered him a save haven to practice his skills without being noticed.

"But" here shouldn't be capitalized since there's a comma before it rather than a period. "Slaughter lamb" should be "Slaughtered Lamb", and "save" should be "safe".


The sections below have words that should be past tense:

Quote:Sadly, the mine they used got infected by Kobolds and they cannot use it any longer.

Quote:Physician: When Eddy understood he cannot practice Warlockery in public, he decided to take up another path in science and become a doctor, thus allowing him to practice at break hours or when he is at his own private clinic at House Thelwind.

Let us know when these changes are made, and after they are, you should be good to go!
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#7
Fixed!
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#8
Approved!

Wikified!
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