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Feedback for an altoholic
#1
Well, it's been over a year since I signed up here and now I seek feedback to better myself in RP situations in term of writing and whatnot.

A small list of my characters at this moment.
Celonia Solarius (Sin'dorei mommy/hunter)
Keira Shadowstar (Previously Keira Leafwind) (Kaldorei nub Druid)
Elles Smith (Worgen Druid)
Dru'tah Lonewolf (Orcish loner mage)
Lyste (Forsaken Dark Ranger Captain)
Elenne Brokenhorn (Previously Una'fe) (Tauren Spirit Champion)
Miya (Draenei Novice Techno-mage/pyromancer)
Ophelia Blacktear (Human raised Sin'dorei hunter hunter)
Talla (Draenei Shadow Priest)
Agrona Nightshade (Night Elf Demon Hunter)
Sana Blazedawn (Blood Knight Initiate)
Cellyndra Silverwind (Sin'dorei Novice Blood Mage)
Trevor (Forsaken Shadow Priest)

Know any of these guys or gals? Leave me some feedback! Thank you!
I will not be forgotten. This is my time to shine. I've got the scars to prove it. Only the strong survive. I'm not afraid of dying. Everyone has their time. Life never favored weakness.

Welcome to the pride!
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#2
You already know what I think of you! You're a good RPer and fun to be around. Could use less disowning though xP
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#3
Right, so... we don't RP too much, I think the extent of my interactions with you goes to just Miya, and to a more meta-degree, Talla. I will address both of them.

First off, is Miya. While I like the idea of a young draenei, a child in her people's eyes, who has been traumatized by the Bloodlust and loss of her family and is very weak at her craft, I really think you play up her weakness TOO much. Draenei are a community culture, everyone helps raise each other in times of need, and they are a people of endurance during hardship. The bloodlust was terrible, but even moreso was the Eredar betrayal. Miya can be afraid, to be sure, but to imply that NO ONE has talked/smacked/motivated some strength and sense into her seems silly. Beyond that, she is WAY too passive in events that require personal input. I like that she learns from the Draenei Pilgrimage events, but she never has anything to offer herself: she is a scared child, yes, but all children have a voice, and should want to voice it to some degree or another. The DP events are warm and inviting scenarios, so it is not like anyone is intimidating Miya to hold her ignorant tongue- she's being invited to speak her mind, and I think she should more. I really think Miya can be a great character with some more effort put into her.


As for Talla...

I really, REALLY just dislike the notions behind this character. Don't take it personally, but Talla just boggles my mind. Shadow we know is not "evil" in a meta sense, but in Warcraft, and especially from a Draenei point of view, it is often regarded as such. It is a dark power, a dangerous power, a HARMFUL power. While yes the same can be said of the arcane, the arcane has beneficial applications and no intrinsic philosophical affiliation. The same however, can not be said of the Shadow. The draenei population lost 2/3 of their people to darker powers when the Eredar joined with Sargeras. Shadow is the antithesis of the Light, which is a core virtue and aspect of their culture, and lastly the Shadow seemed to have corrupted the Auchenai priests and made them into mad cultists. Shadow is what the orcs used when they turned to warlockery... what I'm trying to say is, in any ordinary circumstances, a Draenei would be -averse as hell- to anything shadow related, even if they DID tolerate it.

And Talla just sort of casually picks it up a strange man in a tuxedo within her short time on Azeroth. Talla isn't young and naive like Miya, either- she's over 600 years old. A blink of an eye to most Draenei, but old enough to remember Draenor at peace, the Auichenai with their sanity, and the orcs using warlockery and dark arts to kill everyone she knows and loves. So what the heck, man? Never mind the fact she apparently took on an ASSASSINATION contract. I'm not saying draenei won't kill a bastard who does wrong, and I'm aware that the assassination was sort of this Assassin's Creed styled "for the greater good" thing, but you know, there's a REASON why Draenei can't be -rogues- besides the fact hooves aren't sneaky. Assassination relies on trickery, deceit, lurking in shadows and all that nasty stuff that just DOES NOT jive with Draenei society or culture at all.

SO yeah, that's my two cents. Take it how you will.
Your stories will always remain...
[Image: nIapRMV.png?1]
... as will your valiant hearts.
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#4
I think I'll take on Keira and Elles.

Keira
Sort of like Cappn with Talla, Keira boggles my mind. It's been a good while since I've last seen her (the last Kidnapped), but I'm on pretty frequently, and I've not seen you on her much if at all. So I doubt much development's happened.

Anyway!

I cannot understand how she can be so shy and reliant on others. Even if she's very young (twenty?) she was raised for those twenty years in a very communal society (that means the village raises the child) where the women are the leaders. The sentinels (and I know Keira isn't a sentinel) are pretty much Amazonian. By that I mean, they are stoic, they are tough, they do not need or want anyone to lean on.

Where did Keira's utter wilting come from? All I can recall from Kidnapping is her sniffling, and laying on the floor, or curling up in Sorrowfang's lap. That is not a kal'dorei woman's behavior. Sure, everyone has their own personality. But Keira is a strange extreme that doesn't make sense in my head.

Elles
I've seen very little Elles, so I'm going on brief glimpses and what you've mentioned on GMI. So...

She's sort of similar to Keira, in that she's a woman in a matriarchal society (Order of the Harvest) and she's very submissive to men. Does she have to be a WONDER WOMAN MAN HATER NNNNGH, no. But. I recall a moment where she was watching a tournament in Stormwind. She seemed almost quivering in girlish fear, waiting for her man to save and protect her.

That is not how a Harvest Witch thinks. Harvest Witches hold on to the ancient tradition of the woman being in tune with the earth, and therefore leading. And no, Elles maybe popping a druid form and smacking someone around doesn't count.

As for the druidism...

She's pretty young as well. twenty one. How is it she knows all the druidic forms? Even if she were old, the Gilneans haven't been around the kal'dorei for more than a few months. Now, yes, the "rule" on CotH is, if it's in your spell book you can know it. However, the folk in the Order had no inkling of the power the kal'dorei druids possess. They tended to farms, and...that was pretty much it. I really think you need to put some limits on Elles. The power of a new form is a huge step in a very new direction for the Witches. I think you should pick one, and just stick with it.

As for her relationship and love of Sorrowfang--first let me apologize for dragging another character into your feedback, but I gotta. I believe she knew him for about a month before she fell in complete, deep love and married the guy. While being pregnant. Real, lasting love needs more time than that. As well (and forgive me if you've RPed this and I haven't seen it) the concept of being pregnant with worgen children should terrify the pair. Why? Aren't they just puppies? No. The worgen curse was thrust upon the Gilnean people in blood and terror. Why is Elles skipping into being a mother of a race that, far as a we know, has never had children or reproduced? This is entirely uncharted territory. How does she know she won't be injured if they develop teeth and claws (birth is gory enough already)? How does she know they won't end up twisted in new ways?

So...yeah. Elles doesn't make much sense. I do feel kinda bad ripping into the character, but I don't see many redeeming qualities from what I know.
[Image: tumblr_nfm4t0FZcT1rtcd58o1_r1_500.gif]
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#5
There's a lot I want to say but I can't figure out how to. I figured I'd let you know. Hopefully I'll figure it out later.

But what I can say right now, you're off putting. A lot of people I know either like you or want nothing to do with you because of how you act OOCly. Normally this isn't something that I would talk about sense you can't please everyone, but you've changed sense I first knew you. You're no longer as nice OOCly as I remember you being. You're far more abrasive and sometimes even rude. I dunno what happened man, but you're a friend of mine. I don't want you to start loosing friends because of what ever is going on.

That's all I got for now, I'll elaborate later.
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#6
Updated the list and decided to go for a second round of feedback! Destroy me!
I will not be forgotten. This is my time to shine. I've got the scars to prove it. Only the strong survive. I'm not afraid of dying. Everyone has their time. Life never favored weakness.

Welcome to the pride!
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#7
No! You get no feedback because no one feedbacks me and I'm being spiteful!
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#8
Oh, you want destruction? Later. I do have a character or two to tear apart.
Perhaps it is your imperfection that which grants you free will, that allows you to persevere against cosmically calculated odds. You prevailed where the Titans' own perfect creations have failed.

- Algalon, The Observer

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_m00qfdoBWr1qd87hlo1_500.gif]

i am sea-bass
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#9
Wow.
Such feedback.
Many toons.
Very fun
Wow.

((Might edit later, if I ever get to RP with you 4realz.))
"Excellence is when failure becomes improvement"


[Image: a7KvoWr_460sa_v1.gif]
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#10
Lately I've had a lot of time to RP with you. The character I RP the most with would be Keira.

Keira changed from what I initially remember about her. As a Leafwind she was very shy, ddn't interact much and she ddn't really react to Elandriel's attempts to make conversation. Keira was one of those characters I RPed with once and then ddn't really mind the character. Now that she is a Shadowstar (I'm not sure if she was retconned), she has grown into a more social person, which I have fun RPing with. She is not that extremely shy Kaldorei anymore.

Your other characters I don't see that ofter, but I'd love to see them in action.

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#11
Yeah, Keira was indeed retconned into a Shadowstar and because of this, her age was also bumped by a few centuries and with that also came a bit of a personality change.
I will not be forgotten. This is my time to shine. I've got the scars to prove it. Only the strong survive. I'm not afraid of dying. Everyone has their time. Life never favored weakness.

Welcome to the pride!
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#12
Alright, NOW you get some feedback. Your characters are almost always well-rounded in the sense that they aren't super out-going hates the world won't talk to anyone about anything that isn't what they hate or the polar opposite of never speaks ever. They are always easy to RP with because even when they aren't agreeable, it opens up for chance for storylines with it.

OOCly I like you because you're a nice person.
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#13
Now. I've some feed backs here. OOCLY, I feel you were sort of an older brother figure when I joined in Feburary/March, and believe me, I respected that, now, I feel you've changed, as Kage stated.

On to your characters. I feel I can easily explain my opinion on Blood Knight Sana, actually strongly dislike the character. I mean, she acts like a brat. A total brat, Not only to some people, but her superiors, too. That is not how a Blood Knight acts. Even if they're only forty something and an initiate.

ANOTHER complaint of mine would be that so many of your characters tend to drop the swear word very often. Especially Blood Elves.
Perhaps it is your imperfection that which grants you free will, that allows you to persevere against cosmically calculated odds. You prevailed where the Titans' own perfect creations have failed.

- Algalon, The Observer

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_m00qfdoBWr1qd87hlo1_500.gif]

i am sea-bass
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