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Funny jokes
#1
I would like to know the funniest joke you know. xD

1. You know your addicted to WoW when your girlfriends pants have a low drop rate!
2. "How many gnomes does it take to paint your wall?
--Thant depends on how hard you throw them"
3.A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
4.Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
5.Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."


Now your turn---
About my spelling, If you say anything about it im gonna hunt your nerdy english aniel retentive arrrssse down and beat the elcrapo right out of you!!!!
I came to this planet to chew bubblegum and kick ass! And I am all out of gum!
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#2
I don't really know any good jokes so I'll just have youtube do the work for me-

Spoiler:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBaPI2AKu2g[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wZBmEKBfLY[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHbYTm8U1v8[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTqsV3q7rRU[/youtube]
don't tell me you've already seen these QQ
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
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#3
Your vote matters.
Spoiler:


"What a mess we made, when it all went wrong..."
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