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Kata [Draenei Warrior]
#1
Player: Lunaxy

Character Full Name: Kata.

Character In-Game Name: Kata.

Nickname(s): None.

Association(s): Exodar, Alliance.

Race: Draenei.

Class: Warrior.

Skills and Abilities: She's skilled with almost every kind of weapon, but tends to use a spear and a shield, she learned an unique fighting style, where she can stand guard with the shield and use the spear for long ranged attacks. She also will be seen carrying a crossbow from times to times, but won't use it too much.

Kata also uses her muteness for something useful, being a silent fighter, shes capable of paying great attention to her fight and likely ignoring any insult. Shes also quite resistant to mental assaults, passing through depressing situations already.

Age: 5093

Sex: Female

Hair: Black hair, usually held in a ponytail when she travels. When relaxing in an inn or similar, she'll release it, it is still not long however.

Eyes: Glowing cyan eyes.

Weight: 124kg

Height: 2.21m

Usual Garments/Armor: Kata's clad in an ornamented set of armor, it is most of the time clean, and tends to shine when the sunlight hits it. Such armor is cleaned at least three times a week, as well as polished. Kata does that herself, she tends to take great pride in her armor.

Other: Kata's body is built as the warrior she is, she's slightly taller than most female Draenei, and well defined in muscles.

For casual clothing, she wears anything from a simple pair of pants and shirt to a dress or robes. Her preference of color is white, brown and gray.

Alignment:(Optional.) Lawful Neutral

Personality: Kata while always keeping the posture of the warrior she is, is easily frightened by the users of Fel or any dark type of magic or arts, however, when her, or any friend of her life is in risk, she won't hesitate to fight back with everything she can.

About friends, those are hard to earn, since Kata is mute. Talking to her requires patience, and she knows that. She'll only approach someone if they are alone, since if someone is in a group talking with someone else, shes sure that talking to whoever her 'target' is, will be more entertaining than talking to her.

Her thoughts about the races of Azeroth are the ones of a confused and curious woman, she wants to learn more about everything, having a strange curiosity for other races and their ways and culture, although she tries to keep away from Horde races because they are allied to the Orcs and blood elves, she may at a rare situation, and if in a neutral area, start a 'conversation' with a troll or tauren.

However, sin'dorei orcs and forsakens are the ones Kata will avoid at all costs, and won't hesitate to attack one who may wander into Alliance territory, shes proud of joining the Alliance

History: (I'll write her story in a form of diary, just to note)


"Greetings, my name is Kata, pronounced Kae-ita, I'm sorry if it may be difficult to communicate, but due to an incident when Exodar crashed in Azeroth, I'm unable to speak."

"Dear diary, that's the same message I've been showing in order to get attention... For what, three years now? I suppose so. My life was normal, no, was it? It wasn't, my childhood was troublesome.

I was born in a planet which I can't remember the name right now, did it even had a name? My father was a vindicator, my mother an anchorite, both wielded the Light and both wanted me to. What was wrong, though? I wasn't strong willed enough to wield it, was I? I tried... I swear I did.

But I failed, no matter how many teachings and attempts I took, I was never able to cast more than what my entire kind was, was it me, diary?

I was sent to train as a warrior, but not one of the Light just simply warrior. It was easier at least, I became stronger and stronger within the time, able to wear heavy armor as well wield most weapons and fight for my own safety. It was quite a tiresome training nonetheless, my master was a nice person but he was severe when it came to training. But it is thank to him that I am the warrior I am today.

Meanwhile... I remember I had an interesting hobbie, I used to sing. My, it has been so long since I've last heard my own voice...
But, I remember my father and mother kept telling me I had a nice voice, I suppose I had indeed, as a few others also told me the same. It was always nice to be complimented.

I remember how that man said my voice was the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, well, it was quite nice to hear that, but slightly uncomfortable, since he was so close... I remember I blushed, it was probably lack of experience at the time, we talked a lot, and when the late night came, I had to go... Well, I remember his name until today, it was Haj'hen, he was quite handsome...

Well, I saw him a few more times, eventually we became great friends and eventually we became mates. Haj'hen and I loved each other, we were a nice couple to say the least, the time passed as we became closer and closer to each other.

Ah my diary, when we reached Draenor, the life there was peaceful. An amazing planet that was, surely me and Haj'hen would be able to live forever there... Me, Haj'hen and the baby that was slowly starting to grow inside my belly, yes, I was pregnant. It was so exciting at first, but complicated in the future.

But all the hard times meant nothing when she was finally born, I named her Henna, it was Haj'hen's suggestion if it was a female. I myself taught her all I knew, but my mother and father taught her what they knew too. I and Haj'hen gave her the same care I received from my mother and father, and she eventually grew into a fine woman, I myself would love to see her an anchorite, true user of Light succedding in what I failed. Henna grew up and took the same path as my mother, she became an anchorite, priestess. I'm so proud of her...

When the orcs were corrupted and started their reckless attack on my kind. My father and Haj'hen fought alongside each other to protect their family and friends, to protect their kind.

I saw my father fighting, his body was surrounded by a protective barrier of Light, I watched as he swing his hammer at their skulls, I couldn't explain if that was beautiful sight or a bloodshed. I noticed something moving in my and my daughter's direction, it was when Haj'hen interfered, to protect his family, to save both mine and Henna's life.

But... That was when he got attacked by his back, it was my fault for not being able to even aid them as they fought, Haj'hen died while protecting me... I couldn't believe in what I saw, but I didn't cried, instead I gave support to my daughter Henna, who were in terror after watching that. Finally my mother and my father came to take us to Zangarmarsh.

When my kind stole the Exodar and fled, I though all was going to end, and we would finally be able to live peacefully again, but of course, something had to interrupt. It was sabotaged by the blood elves, and crashed into a planet I didn't know as Azeroth at the time, and this was when my life became the eternal silence it is, by the Light my diary, why me?

A shard of the Exodar, with the crash, flew in my throat. It wasn't painful at all, and I though I would die there, in silence. The blood was escaping me, I gasped for breath but wasn't able to breathe at all.

My eyes started to shut and I started to grasp away from my body, but that was when I saw my mother over me, Light showering me, the warmth of life coming back into, but I had lost too much blood, I fell unconscious.

When I woke up, I was in a bed, my mother holding my hand by my side. I was stable now, no blood, no pain. She told me what happened, and told me that I passed through a difficult surgery to remove the shard. And then, she told me that I was fine, except, my vocal cords were too badly damaged, and I would never be able to make any sound, or speak now.

My daughter, my father and my mother were all at my side, it was great to see they were with me, alive and well, but sad to know I'd never be able to talk with them anymore... I suppose thats a price I had to pay for not being able to help Haj'hen, I'll miss him until my last days.

My diary... I was in shock, I never expected that, how would I talk with my friends, family? Why did that happened to me? I wonder that until today... And then, the fact that I'd never be able to sing again came to my mind... Oh how I'd miss that, certainly I would.

I took the new method of communicating, a book filled with empty pages, which I promised myself I'd fill with pleasant conversations."
[Image: tumblr_mhvoxjHaqC1rzearvo2_500.gif]
Casually humorous
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#2
You have mixed height and weight.

Quote:My body started to change as well, I became stronger, taller and my muscles got bigger as well.

I used to sing as well,
There's two sentences with three instances of 'as well' in this part.

Quote:he was a good friend...Probably something else as well, but...He was nowhere to be found.
Just a small tip when it comes to the use of '...' in your story. As all punctation, such as Period, comma, colon and such, there should be space behind it, in front of the new sentence or the next part of the sentence.
Fixed example.
Quote:he was a good friend... Probably something else as well, but... He was nowhere to be found.


Quote:I noticed something moving in my direction, it was an orc, I didn't knew what to do, I wasn't truly prepared yet, but then, a blast of Light blasted the orc unconscious, and it was because of that distraction that my father fell to the other five surrounding him.
I can say two things about this sentence. I bolded out the word 'knew' for you, as 'I didn't know' is the correct way to spell that. Also, 'knew' can also be used if you flip the sentence around a bit, such as 'I knew not what to do.'

Second, that sentence contains alot of commas, and you may want to change that.
Quote:I noticed something moving in my direction, it was an orc. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't truly prepared yet, but then, a blast of Light blasted the orc unconscious. It was because of that distraction that my father fell to the other five surrounding him.
By slicing up very long sentences, you may add more spice to the story, but that also depends on the way the reader reads it.

Quote:I was in shook
Shock* :)


I love that you write your story as a diary, though. It's a great way to show the way the character itself reacted to all the things that happened from his/her birth until now, but there's a lot of commas that may be making a tiny twitch in the forehead of the readers.

To put it simply, if you have very long sentences that does not end until three lines after, the readers may get tired, as when one reads a paragraph or a sentence, one usually stops after a sentence ends. Then they may take a sip of their water, scratch their bum, or just make themselves comfortable while continuing to read. Still, I am not an expert at this, so I may be wrong.
I hope I am not.

Hope I was able to help.
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#3
Thank you for pointing all those mistakes, english is -really- my arch enemy :3

I'll read the profiles a few times more and fix the mistakes I found... Or try to, at least. <3
[Image: tumblr_mhvoxjHaqC1rzearvo2_500.gif]
Casually humorous
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#4
I'm glad I was able to help. One step closer to world domination.
Spoiler:
[Image: aADpK.gif]
I want there to be only the picture here, but sadly it is too large so I have to spoiler it and the spoiler doesn't appear if I don't write anything else here so now that's done, it's time for you to press it.
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#5
Approved
“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”
― Frank Zappa
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