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Mal'taxian Brightflame [Blood Elf Rogue]
#1
Player: denisalex

Character Full Name: Mal'taxian Brightflame

Character In-Game Name: Maltaxian

Nickname(s): Maxi

Association(s): None

Race: Blood Elf

Class: Rogue

Skills and Abilities: Blind - While he's been on the sea with his group of pirates, Maxi learnt many 'cheap combat tricks' from them, such as throwing sand into the enemy's eye to blind him temporarily.

One-handed sword specialist - After many years of practicing his sword skills, Maxi can now maneuver his sword with great ease, striking very fast.

Take aim! - Another thing to learn as a pirate is how to use a gun properly. That's exactly what Maxi learnt from his ship 'partners'. He can shoot very accurately with a gun.

Shrapnel - Maxi has some special-shaped bullet caps that are designed to pierce through plate and do some considerable pain into the shot area, as their caps are very sharp. The affected enemy would move slower for a while if he would get shot by Maxi's bullets.

Smoke bomb - This 'trick' allows Maxi to make his departure in style, or even his entry.

Punch to da' face! - By sending a strong punch straight to the enemy's chin, Maxi sends him into a 'world of dreams' for a few moments.

Quickness - Since Maxi uses only cloth and leather armor, he can move swiftly and is quite agile. He relies on short-range but very fast attacks that will put the opponent in a disadvantage. He also can use various fast and powerful kicks that will sometimes knock the opponent down on the ground.

Electric sword - After having his sword enchanted by a goblin, Maxi can now shock his enemies with it on a successful hit.

Age: 27

Sex: Male

Hair: Blond long bangs

Eyes: Fel green

Weight: 70 kg

Height: 1,83 m

Usual Garments/Armor: He wears a loose blue shirt, thick leather armbands, a pair of leather gloves, red leather belt, black leather leggings and black boots.

Alignment: Neutral Evil

Personality: Maxi can be considered quite unordinary for a Blood Elf. Firstly because he doesn't have any pleasure to study more about the arcane, he is more interested about money and treasures. As an ex-pirate, he can be quite deceitful and lie to those around him in order to achieve his goals. Secondly, Maxi finds no pleasure in talking to his Horde 'allies' because he is not interested in the war between the two factions at all, he thinks that all those who fight for a faction's supremacy are worth nothing and deserve to drown in the middle of the sea. He likes to sail as a hobby and to do somebody else's 'dirty job' to earn money. One might say that he likes to make money as a hobby. Maxi has a particular hate for Orcs and Undead because those races brought an eternal war on Azeroth and after the experience he had in Straglethorn Vale with his crew, he hates trolls, too. Still, he doesn't hate all their race, it's just that he will always remember about what happened in his past when he will see an Orc/ Undead/ Troll. As for the Alliance members, he would find himself closer to humans, despite the fact that the two factions are at war and not every human might enjoy his attendance. His behavior towards other races might depend on who he meets during his travels. Maxi will try to stay as far as possible from his homeland now, because he feels like that's not the place for him since all of his race is focused on revenge. Maxi, as a person, is more focused on money than anything else, but he won't ever make a deal with one of his race because he believes that their minds are corrupted by their will to have revenge for the brothers and sisters that were slaughtered by the Scourge. If he would want to make a deal with someone, Maxi would firstly talk to a goblin because he knows that a goblin is "The Jack of all trades". Maxi still talks in a superior style with those he meets, because this is quite specific to the regular Blood Elf. He likes his hair to look good in any situation.

History: Born in Quel'Thalas 3 years before the Second War started, Mal'taxian Brightflame was living a normal life along with his parents and with his older brother.

Nothing unordinary happened until the Second War emerged. But in that day, the world of humans started to crumble and so they had to ask for the help of the Dwarves, Gnomes and High Elves. Many soldiers came to face the blood-thirsty Orcs and so did Mal'taxian's parents. His brother was still studying the arcane magic and going on the fields of war by that time would have meant a certain death for him and so would have been for Mal'taxian, who was just 3 years old. That war resulted in a great triumph for the Alliance, but also resulted in a greater loss for Mal'taxian and his family. His mother got stabbed by an Orc and collapsed on the battlefield. By the time her husband reached her, she lost a great mass of blood, but found the strength to tell him only a few words: "Take... care... of our... children... my... love". And with that, she closed her eyes and succumbed to her wounds.

Mal'taxian, along with his father and brother found it very hard to live without the one that always took care of them, but as time passed, they accepted that they had to move along and become stronger. While his older brother was still studying arcane magic with a lot of interest, Mal'taxian wasn't quite interested in it, at all. He preferred to watch his father train with his sparkly great sword. One day, the young Elf knew that arcane magic wasn't what he wanted and asked his father to teach him how to use a sword. That was an unexpected pleasure for his father, who was quite happy that one of his sons would like to learn more about swords. So, he told his younger son what swords consisted into, but also insisted in teaching him how to use a bow. Mal'taxian tried his best to learn more about using bows only for his father's happiness, but after a while, he got fed up with them and even broke one of his father's bows. That wasn't a smart move, but he put the blame on his older brother and got away with that.

After quite a few years, by the time when Mal'taxian was about 17 years old, the Third War begun and the Orcs freed themselves from the internment camps, in the despair of the Alliance. As if that was not a powerful hit to the Alliance, the Scourge arised and invade Quel'Thalas. Though the elves were very skilled and defended their homeland with pride, they stood no chance against the vast numbers of the rotting corpses that marched on their lands. That led to a massacre in Quel'Thalas, where about ninety percent of the high elf population got slaughtered. Mal'taxian's family wasn't spared by the mindless creatures and it lost two members. Both his father and older brother got caught into the grip of death. Mal'taxian somehow managed to hide and remain alive, along with a small number of high elves who were now suffering from magic withdrawal. He started to look for the rest of his family, but found out that his aunt Lileanne, was the only one that remained alive.

Sometime later, a squad of Elves returned to what remained of Quel'Thalas and taught the survivors how to absorb Fel magic. In this process, they gained fel green eyes and agreed to call themselves "Blood Elves" from now on, after they sworn to avenge their brothers and sisters who got ripped into shreds by the Scourge.

The Blood Elves managed to rebuild a part of their 'empire' and they started with Silvermoon City. Once it got repaired, Mal'taxian and his aunt moved there, but the 20 years old Mal'taxian wasn't so happy about the new life of his kind because nothing was the same, now enmity was seen on every elf's face.

That twisted feeling of insecurity even accentuated a few years later when the Blood Elves joined the Horde and actually allied themselves with the Forsaken, the same creatures that ravaged their wonderful homeland many years ago. One day, Mal'taxian went out for a walk in Silvermoon City, along with Lileanne and they saw a group of Undead and Orcs standing in front of the inn. As a first reaction, both Mal'taxian and his aunt got filled with repulsion, but they kept their head high and walked past them without saying anything. After they got home, they knew they had to leave Silvermoon and find a new shelter, where they could live in peace, no longer having to remember the horrors of their past everyday by looking at the new-comers. Lileanne advised Mal'taxian that they should leave that night and he agreed, so they started to pack everything up right away.

As soon as they packed up their belongings, they went straight to the coast. After some days of continuous walking, they finally got there and saw on the shore a big ship, with many people getting out of it. From the distance, they seemed to be renegade humans, so they knew they had to keep some distance from them and rushed to find a decent hiding spot. Unfortunately, Mal'taxian and his aunt got seen by the ship's captain, who ordered his men to catch them and bring them to him. The two elves were no match for the large group of sailors and accepted to be taken to the captain. After the black-bearded captain took a quick look at them, he gave them an ultimatum: join his crew or be thrown into the sea. As the two had nothing to lose (that's what they thought), they accepted and joined the crew.

After a few days while Mal'taxian and Lileanne made themselves comfortable with the life on a ship, even though the Blood Elf female was always teased by the members of the crew, the captain told them the rules they had to follow in order to keep themselves alive. Since it was a new experience for the elves, they found those rules hard to follow, but still did their best in order to follow them.

More weeks passed and the two started to get along much better with the captain and with the crew. They were still asking many questions about their lives as Elves and such, but Mal'taxian was disgusted by that and refused to talk about it each time one brought it in discussion. Ultimately, the young elf even got fed up with his elfish name and from that day, he was called by his nickname: "Maxi".

The life on the ship was not that bad as Maxi and his aunt first thought, but there were times when they had to support the crew with all their body and soul in order to destroy another ship and rob it or to invade small villages on the shores of the continent. The crew was getting bigger and bigger because they took hostages from every village they attacked and eventually, those poor villagers agreed to join the crew and become pirates.

But one day, the captain heard about a big treasure on the shores of Straglethorn Vale and told his crew that they were going to move there to loot the treasure and get rich. Once they got on the shore, the crew divided into three groups, the strongest led by the captain and the other ones lead by the captain's right and left 'hand' (aka the ones he trusted the most). Maxi was in a separated group from his aunt, but that didn't affect them quite much since they knew about themselves that they were good sword-wielders and now, even good with wielding guns and shooting precisely. The third group, where Lileanne was in, took the eastern part and had to walk on the shore until they saw the 'treasure'. Suddenly, they got ambushed by a large number of naga who charged at them from the sea and so, the pirates were forced to run into the jungle. A part of the group got left behind and caught by the naga, but Lileanne managed to keep up with the rest of his group and escape alive. After wandering through the vast jungle for a while, they encountered a group of bloodthirsty jungle trolls. The trolls jumped on the remaining pirates of that group and wounded them badly.

The trolls took those who didn't die from their rampage near the shore to get eaten by crocodiles. Maxi's group met up with the captain's and waited for the other group to come for quite a while. Since they saw that they were not coming, they rushed to find them. Remains of their comrades could be seen on the shore, but they kept running and eventually saw the trolls trying to throw the other group in a spot where many crocodiles gathered. Maxi saw that his aunt was there, in the hands of a troll and took out his gun, aiming straight to that troll's head. The hit was a success and Lileanne got freed, but she was too injured to move. The rest of the pirates ran to stop the trolls and punish them. The cruel pirates cut down the tusks of the trolls and also their heads, only to decorate their ship with them. Maxi took his aunt on his back and brought her to the ship. He put bandages on her wounds and took care of her so she would not die, like all of his family did many years ago. The elf veteran got better and better day by day and soon started to go out with the crew to assault villages and hunt treasures. Lileanne was a truly strong ranger before she left Quel'Thalas.

Everything was going perfect for Maxi and his aunt, they found the 'allies' they needed. But bad times had to come and Maxi got kicked out of the crew after he killed a comrade. That man didn't like Maxi from the start and always tried to get the elf kicked out, whenever he had the chance. That day, he caught Maxi alone in his room and rushed at him, attempting to stab him from behind. Since the ship was a little 'old', the floor was cracking when someone was walking on it, so Maxi clearly heard someone approaching and turned to see who it was. The elf had a big 'surprise' after he saw that it was nobody else than his old 'friend' who was trying to kill him. The man, who was quite aged, couldn't match the young and agile elf and after a few moments of struggle, he got stabbed with his own dagger. That moment, another pirate went downstairs and saw Maxi stabbing the old man. Terrified, that pirate ran to the captain and told him about the elf's deed.

After all those years when Maxi worked hard to gain the trust of the captain, he lost all his chances to remain in the crew after he murdered that comrade. The captain was very disappointed with Maxi's behavior and after a few moments of yelling, he took out his dagger and left Maxi with a cut on his left cheek so he would remember about the crew all his life. Maxi was incapable to riposte or even react as he was very upset about what happened. The next moment, the captain started yelling again at him and finally he mentioned that he is no longer a member of his crew. The elf tried to tell everybody that it was not his fault, but not even Lileanne believed him, for he killed that human with his own hands. He had nothing else to do but take everything he had on the ship and leave.

Now that he is on his own, Maxi relies on himself and on his skills to stay alive.
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#2
That second to last paragraph probably could be split up more.
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#3
Not actually, it's the same idea in the whole paragraph so I'd rather keep it full.
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#4
I would like to see that large paragraph split up, yes. You can start a new paragraph at this sentence:

Quote:They took those who didn't die from their rampage near the shore to get eaten by crocodiles.

Once that's done, let us know!
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#5
Okay, it's done.
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#6
Hey! There's a couple of little grammatical errors to clean up.

Remember to have a space before and after the dash in your skills and abilities section. "Take aim!" is correct, whereas "Blind" is not.

One-handed-sword should be One-handed sword.

You don't need to capitalise long, bangs or green in your hair and eyes sections.

The plural of naga is naga, so remove the s from the end of it in your history.

Aside from that, could you go into a little bit more detail about how Mal'taxian killed a comrade? It's sort of just thrown into the story at the end, but it's got a large impact on his life.
[Image: RtK7PiZ.png]
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#7
Updated everything. Hope I didn't miss any error.
Thanks.
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#8
Initial approval!
[Image: RtK7PiZ.png]
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#9
Quote:Personality: Maxi can be considered quite unordinary for a Blood Elf. Firstly because he doesn't have any pleasure to study more about the arcane, he is more interested about money and treasures. As an ex-pirate, he can be quite deceitful and lie to those around him in order to achieve his goals. Secondly, Maxi finds no pleasure in talking to his Horde 'allies' because he is not interested in the war between the two factions at all, he thinks that all those who fight for a faction's supremacy are worth nothing and deserve to drown in the middle of the sea. He likes to sail as a hobby and to do somebody else's 'dirty job' to earn money. One might say that he likes to make money as a hobby.

Hrrm. I understand that Mal'taxian is supposed to be an evil character, of sorts, but I don't believe his personality section really explains him. He's described more in a manner that would suggest he's a roaming NPC than a person! I would like to see more about Mal'taxian as a player, please! If you need help figuring out what to put here, you can check out one of our guides on the wiki here that was made with the intentions of helping people develop characters. Even though you already know what you want from your character, the personality section of the guide could be quite helpful!


Quote:As a first reaction, both Mal'taxian and his aunt drew their weapons and bared their teeth at the group. As they were making their way forward to attack them, they got stopped by a few guards. The guards explained to them the situation and threatened them to stop behaving so aggressive towards their allies, or else they would be forced to put them in jail.

This doesn't sound at all like a typical reaction from as refined a people as the blood elves. I'd like to nitpick a bit by asking that you change this. It doesn't seem suitable for blood elves at all to me. Additionally, I don't think such actions would be tolerated at all by guards, as it would have been well-known by the sin'dorei that they joined the horde by -all-, and if they were to make a move to slay the horde within their city, they'd be punished, likeliest in a capitalistic form. When the Arcane Guardians roam and do their occasional spheal about following the laws, they're threatening death. This would not be so tolerated. Blood elves are expected to act like civil, refined people, not blood-thirsty animals.


Quote:After wandering through the vast jungle for a while, they encounter some 'weird' forest trolls who looked like they were deceased.

Heh, these would be jungle trolls! Forest trolls live in the forests.


Quote:The captain was very disappointed with Maxi's behavior and ordered him to take all his belongings and be gone forever.

I don't think he'd be allowed to just -leave-. I think it would be much more reasonable if he were to be killed or punished in return for the death of the pirate, and instead fled for his life. His crew is described as being brutal and cruel, and I find this to be a bit unusual of an action coming from them.


Below in the spoiler, I have a handful of grammatical or spelling fixes I'd like to see be made.

Spoiler:
Quote:By the time when her husband reached her, she lost a great mass of blood, but found the strength to tell him only a few words:

You can remove this "when" here, the sentence runs just fine without it!


Quote:He started to look forth the rest of his family, but found out that his aunt Lileanne, was the only one that remained alive.

"Forth" here should be "for".


Quote:Once they got on the shore, they crew divided into three groups, the strongest lead by the captain and the other ones lead by the captain's right and left 'hand' (aka the ones he trusted the most).

"They" should be "the" and "lead" should be "led".


Quote:The third group, where Lileanne was into, took the eastern part and had to walk on the shore until they saw the 'treasure'.

"Into" should be just "in"!




The following sections should be past-tense:

Quote:As if that was not a powerful hit to the Alliance, the Scourge arises and invade Quel'Thalas.

Quote:Sometime later, a squad of Elves returns to what remained of Quel'Thalas and teached the survivors how to absorb Fel magic.

"Teached" should also be "taught".


Let us know when these changes are up, and you should be good to go!
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#10
Updated.
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#11
Looks fantastic, good work!

Approved!

Wikified!
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