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Polina Vineheight [Human Si:7 Agent]
#1
Player: Stealthscout.

Character Full Name: Polina Vineheight.

Character In-Game Name: Polina.

Nicknames: Lin, Lina.

Associations: SI:7, Alliance.

Race: Human.

Class: Rogue.

Skills and Abilities:

Infiltrator: Polina is skilled at gathering information, whether through torture or using her little knowledge in acting and accent. She is capable of faking her identity to get inside an organization.

A bit of everything: Polina may understand a bit from Darnassian and Orcish, not too much though.

Age: 38

Sex: Female.

Hair: Light brown.

Eyes: Blue-grey.

Weight: 153 lbs

Height: 5'5

Usual Garments/Armor: Polina, when appearing in the street, could be mistaken for a middle сlass citizen(Which is when she has enough money to pay the bills but not enough to spare). A red rose accents her hair.
Polina holds a small knife in her boot.

Personality: Precise in action; but yet vague in ideology , Polina is an open-minded figure in society, thinking about philosophy and or the religons of the world, which one is the truest?

Polina tries to blend in, with her ability to act she can do it pretty easily, avoiding unwanted attention and hearing the thing she needs to hear, she can gather the information needed with ease. Most of the time.

If never been placed in the SI:7 Polina could be described as a picky person. She doesn't know exactly what to pick, and when she does she will be super cautious, she may even debate on decisions for months before acting. She weights her words like stones, every word is precious.

History: Polina was born in the town of Goldshire. Second born to her expansive family: A soldier Father, a mother who is a mason, and a brother who is slowly heading after his father's footsteps. She lived her life peacefully along with her friends. Firstly though she learned how to walk, talk, interact, and then sent to be with her friends. Her parents stayed not too far, to keep an eye on their little daughter.

Not knowing how to write or read; Polina continued to help her mother to keep up the shop, thus picking up the basic skill of leather-working and tailoring.

During the first war, Goldshire was destroyed and her father and brother protected the family. They all went off to the wild, looking after themselves by killing wildlife at dark so the Orcs wouldn't find them. During that time Polina learned how to survive at young age. She tried raising her family's moral by acting for them. (separated the two as they are different ideas)

Polina's life couldn't get much worse, and it did not. She was happy, even though they lived in the woods. After some time they got out. Goldshire was in ruins, but they could finally live without the threat of the Orcs around. Her mother helped in rebuilding Goldshire and then was sent to Stormwind; however her family stayed to help in Goldshire.

During the rebuilding of Stormwind. Polina strolled through the broken city, trying to find something interesting to do. While she did that, she discovered a plot by warlocks to join together and take out some kind of man. She got curious and followed them.

Polina got caught four hours later. She was tied but poorly. She squeezed her hands out of the rope tie. One of the warlocks was a turncoat, and it seemed the Warlock got raided and neutralized; Polina used that opportunity to escape. During her escape the turncoat got her and relived her of her consciousness, because he thought she was one of them. She was escaping from the scene after all. She fell on the ground, getting dragged away.

She woke up, place unknown. She eyed the area with great curiosity as the turncoat approached her; his name was Kevin it seemed. She got questioned and after hours (or days, the room was windowless) she got the opportunity: to forget what she saw, or prove her skills and join the ranks of this strange group, later identified as the SI:7. After further questioning, they realized she had the potential to join their ranks, after being able to follow the warlocks. She asked, and they agreed. After a year of training, she already wanted to start her new mission.

The construction of Stormwind ended at that time, and the Defias were formed. She was sent to her first and longest mission with them: to join their ranks along with her mother. The time was troublesome, the inner-conflict of what she should do, because in the end she would have to kill her mother, although she did not want that.

The years passed. Being with the Defias during the third war, she sent information down to roll wherever it should reach. She furthered her skills during those years as an undercover, staying away from main conflict. She just stayed closed to the place with the most stuff happening around it.

She had to kill her mother, one way or another. The day came, they had to remove one Defias base, it went smoothly, until her mother cried at her feet for mercy, crying Polina's name. A tear went down as she thrust the blade into her heart. She holds that blade close, until this day.

During the shattering, she was at the border between Ashenvale and Barrens. Polina has acted as a wild woman, living in a bear cave. She was there to see the progress of the Orcs and the Night elves.

The shattering happened. She was sent back to Stormwind to count the units lost.
Today she is around town, waiting to get another mission. One thing on her mind though, is that she hopes her father and brother are okay.. after all these years.
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#2
Quote:Agent: Polina knows all the tricks and trades needed to be qualified in her job; she can pull the right thing at the right time, like torturing, gathering information, and so on.

You need to be more specific and detailed on the skills of the SI:7 agent. If you glance at the NPCs, even without taking the quests, you can see they are granted different titles that imply different roles (infiltrator, agent, inspector, etc). If she's an investigator, emphasize her skillset on what investigative skills she has. If an inspector, emphasize on her connections with other parts of law enforcement, etc. Otherwise, if you're going with a general agent, please cover what general skills she has, or at least what you have in mind. Otherwise, what you've given is too vague and non-indicative of an actual SI:7 agent.


Quote:Polina walks like a middle-ranked citizen she looks like can hold a house, but barely, a red rose accents her hair.

Run-on!! The context in this sentence is absolutely lost on me, so I'd be really grateful if you can rephrase this :).


Quote:Personality: Precise but yet vague, Polina is an open-minded figure in society, thinking about philosophy and or the religons of the world, which one is the truest?

Polina tries to blend in, with her ability to act she can do it pretty easily, avoiding unwanted attention and hearing the thing she needs to hear, she can gather the information needed with ease. Most of the time.

Once more, I feel this needs to be elaborated, especially on how it relates to her not only as a person, but especially as an SI:7 agent. Due to the nature of this occupation and class, it takes a particular kind of devotion to the job to be an effective agent, and thus, her personailty would be shaped by it. Nevertheless, I do hope to see more than just a thinker and an information gatherer. How is she as a person? How is she at work and around the targets she is assigned to? What you gave me is pretty good, but once more, I feel there is more you can share. Try elaborating a bit more :)


Quote: A soldier Father, a mother who is a manson,

Your usage of the word 'Father' is a common noun, so it should be lower case. And 'manson'? As in mansion? Or Manson? Or Manson? Not sure what you're going for!




As for the rest of the History, it's littered with multiple grammatical mistakes where context is broken up and I am having difficulty following. Here are some tips:

1.) 'Common nouns' are nouns which are everyday things of no given name in context; words like "mouse", "restaurant", "knight", and "sword" are common nouns. 'Proper nouns', on the other hand, are nouns with given names; words like "Mickey", "McDonald's", "Uther", and "Frostmourne" are all proper nouns. Common nouns are always lower case (unless starting a sentence) while proper nouns--since they are names--are always upper case. Thus, you would say "I'm going to the next town, Goldshire", not "I'm going to the next Town, goldshire".

2.) If you are unsure of how to tell the structural difference between a simple sentence ("I am a mage."), a compound sentence ("I am a mage, and I am a cook too."), or a complex sentence ("Trained in the arcane and culinary arts, I am a mage and a cook."), then it's probably best you pick this up. This will also help you figure out when to use commas and conjunctions as well.

I see you mix and match which types of sentences you use, and it's great. However, a good portion of your History is plagued with sentences that tend to be run-ons and fragments. Rather than lecture you on grammar, I'll link you some tips instead.

I can say, though, your English in profiles is starting to get better :) Good luck!
[Image: 3HQ8ifr.gif]
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#3
Fixed everything!
Actually, all those.. compound sentences.. and such I did not know they also exist in English! :O we use those all the time in hebrew so I guess I can now use that!! :D

About her mother.. I meant by.. being a Manson.. a Stonemason? the people who built Stormwind and then joined the Defias?
She was that.
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#4
You've got an issue with past and present tense going on. When writing a profile, you want to use past tense for the history unless you're explaining things that are going on in her life. Past tense words are: had, did, went, was.

Present tense words are: Have, going, is.

If something happened in the past, you would say, "She went to the store." If something is happening now, you would say, "She is going to the store."

Quote:During the shattering she was at the border between Ashenvale and Barrens. Acting as a wild woman, gathering information on their conflict with the horde. By then she knew she was working for the SI:7.

Her joining of the SI:7 is very, very brief here. I'd like you to expand on it. Why did she join? How did she, a member of the Defias for all anyone knows, get to be part of the organization?
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#5
Fixed the problems! Thanks for noting the present tense!
I hope the profile is great! other than the grammatical mistakes!
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#6
Quote:She got questioned and after hours (or days, the room was windowless) she got the opportunity; or to forget what she saw, or prove her skills and join the ranks of this strange group; it was later cleared they are the SI:7. With her youth along her powering her curiosity. she went on the first mission.

This string of sentences could use some clearing up. I don't really understand what is going on there. From what I'm guessing is that she was captured by an SI:7 agent/spy and then...offered a job?

Why would they, rather out of the blue, offer a job to someone who they had never met before? Why would she had been knocked out and questioned considering SI:7 is a law group? Beyond happening to be curious and follow this group, she doesn't appear to have had any training that would qualify her for the position. Infiltrating a group isn't something you just send anyone off to do without any sort of formal training.
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#7
I added an explanation to why all of that happened in the history!
I thought I made it clear, but it seems I was vague.
Thanks a lot!
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#8
Hiya! Some notes on your agent:

(05-21-2013, 08:15 AM)Stealthscout Wrote: Infiltrator: Polina knows all the tricks and trades needed to be qualified in her job; she can pull the right thing at the right time, like torturing, gathering information, and so on. With her little knowledge in acting, and accent, she can fake her identity,and is able to get= inside the organization with that skill.

This should be reworded a bit, just for general correctness. A statement like "knows all the tricks and trades needed" comes off as a bit Mary Sueish, implying she has an unlimited amount of them. I'd suggest something like:

Polina is skilled at gathering information, whether through torture or using her little knowledge in acting and accent. She is capable of faking her identity to get inside an organization.

(05-21-2013, 08:15 AM)Stealthscout Wrote: A bit of everything: Polina knows a bit from every language, understanding only half of what is being told, or the core of it.
Example: "This is a beautiful apple." Polina will understand they are talking about an apple.

There isn't much in the story to back such extensive language learning. At best, she may have come to understand some Darnassian and Orcish from her time surveying them near Ashenvale, and possible some of the other Alliance languages, but not most of the Horde ones. I must also add as a note that this ability isn't enforceable, meaning that players can decide whether or not you'll actually be able to understand them. So in the course of RP, if a player decides not to allow you to eavesdrop, they are in the right to do so.

(05-21-2013, 08:15 AM)Stealthscout Wrote: Usual Garments/Armor: Polina, when appearing in the street, could be mistaken for a middle-ranked citizen(Which is when she has enough money to pay the bills but not enough to spare).

"Middle class" is the common term for what you described! Class implying both money and prestige. So middle class would mean having enough to get by, and probably working a respectable trade, though in our times it's more linked purely to money.

(05-21-2013, 08:15 AM)Stealthscout Wrote: Personality: Precise but yet vague, Polina is an open-minded figure in society, thinking about philosophy and or the religons of the world, which one is the truest?

I'm assuming here you mean precise in action but vague in ideology?

And now, I've gone through the post with general grammar/spelling changes, and a couple other questions in there. Feel free to ask about anything! And if you have any grammar questions please don't hesitate to shoot me a PM!

(05-21-2013, 08:15 AM)Stealthscout Wrote: History: Polina was born in the town of Goldshire. Second born to her expansive family: A soldier Father, a mother who is a manson (do you mean "mason"?), and a brother who is slowly heading after his father's footsteps. She lived her life peacefully along with her friends. Firstly though she learned how to walk, talk, interact, and then sent to be with her friends. Her parents stayed not too far, to keep an eye on their little daughter.

Not knowing how to write or read, Polina continued to help her mother to keep up the shop, thus picking up the basic skill of leather-working and tailoring.

During the first war, Goldshire was destroyed and her father and brother protected the family. They all went off to the wild, looking after themselves by killing wildlife at dark so the Orcs wouldn't find them. During that time Polina learned how to survive at young age. She tried raising her family's moral by acting for them. (separated the two as they are different ideas)

Polina's life couldn't get much worse, and it did not. She was happy, even though they lived in the woods. After some time they got out. Goldshire was in ruins, but (contrasting ideas, so use "but" here) they could finally live without the threat of the Orcs around. Her mother helped in rebuilding Goldshire and then was sent to Stormwind; however her family stayed to help in Goldshire.

During the rebuilding of Stormwind. Polina strolled through the broken city, trying to find something interesting to do. While she did that, she discovered a plot by warlocks to join together and take out some kind of man. She got curious and followed them.

Polina got caught four hours later. She was tied but poorly. She squeezed her hands out of the rope tie. One of the warlocks was a turncoat, and it seemed the Warlock got raided and neutralized; Polina used that opportunity to escape. During her escape the turncoat got her and relived her of her consciousness, because he thought she was one of them. She was escaping from the scene after all. She fell on the ground, getting dragged away.

She woke up, place unknown. She eyed the area with great curiosity as the turncoat approached her; his name was Kevin it seemed. She got questioned and after hours (or days, the room was windowless) she got the opportunity: to forget what she saw, or prove her skills and join the ranks of this strange group, later identified as the SI:7. After further questioning, they realized she had the potential to join their ranks, after being able to follow the warlocks. She asked, and they agreed. After a year of training, she already wanted to start her new mission.

The construction of Stormwind ended at that time, and the Defias were formed. She was sent to her first and longest mission with them: to join their ranks along with her mother. The time was troublesome, the inner-conflict of what she should do, because in the end she would have to kill her mother, although she did not want that.

The years passed. Being with the Defias during the third war, she sent information down to roll wherever it should reach. Acquiring all kinds of traits and skills (I'd highly suggest wording this as "Furthering her skills" to imply that she's improved on the things SI:7 taught her, unless you mean that she picked up an entirely new set of skills during the time) during those years as an undercover, staying away from main conflict. She just stayed closed to the place with the most stuff happening around it.

She had to kill her mother, one way or another. The day came, they had to remove one Defias base, it went smoothly, until her mother cried at her feet for mercy, crying Polina's name. A tear went down as she thrust the blade into her heart. She holds that blade close, until this day.

During the shattering, she was at the border between Ashenvale and Barrens. Polina has acted as a wild woman, living in a bear cave. She was there to see the progress of the Orcs and the Night elves.

The shattering happened. She was sent back to Stormwind to count the units lost.
Today she is around town, waiting to get another mission. One thing on her mind though, is that she hopes her father and brother are okay.. after all these years.

Hope this helps! I'll take another gander at this once you've made changes.
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#9
Fixed! and I altered a bit the wording in some places! hope this suffices! ^~^
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#10
I'll give this a first approval (1/2)!
[-] The following 1 user Likes Jonoth's post:
  • Stealthscout
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#11
Yeyyyyyyy! :D
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#12
Finally got off my bum to check out the rest. Story's quite interesting. I won't worry about grammar for now, though I still encourage practice :).


We'll see how she does as an agent in RP.


2/2
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#13
Wikified!
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