Sheck Sez [Operation: Gnomeregan]

[Sol]

Sheck Sez is the colloquial title for the personal column of the Ironforge Tribune's Chief Combat Correspondent, Sheckley B. Scribblestorm. The Ironforge Tribune is published through Khaz Modan and enjoys additional circulation through Stormwind and Kul Tiras. It is perhaps the foremost broadsheet newspaper printed in Alliance territory.

Spoiler:

The Ironforge Tribune

GNOMES - WE'RE GOING HOME!

DAY ONE of Operation: Gnomeregan has come to a bold and valiant conclusion! Its primary force of volunteer has been briefed of their mission, drilled and dispatched to the sophisticated Forward Operating Base that has been established in the snows near the Gnomeregan surface settlement. The Operation is currently at 'Phase Zero' – it has not yet been initiated, but preliminary reconnoitring has been completed.


The High Tinker addresses his troops at the FOB. The FOB is a camp manned by soldiers of the Gnomeregan Infantry and Aerial Cores designed to support small, quickly moving units in field missions. It is guarded at all times by highly trained troops piloting the next generation of Gnomish battlesuits, mechanotanks and gyrocopters.

Yesterday morning, unprecedented numbers of volunteers and recruits from across the nations of our Grand Alliance assembled in Tinker Town, Ironforge. There, they were addressed by the High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque himself, who has personally drafted every Phase of the Operation and has committed himself to overseeing its completion through exemplary leadership from the front.

With the characteristic charm and boundless optimism that first saw him elected High Tinker, he gave a rousing speech to the gathered partisans before dispatching them to the Steelgrill Depot for their training, which was carried out at the hands of the best and brightest the Gnomish military has to offer. Spearheaded by the stalwart Sergeant Pulline Shockblast, the soldiers partook in highly sophisticated fitness and readiness drills before testing out the bleeding edge of Gnomish military hardware.


The newest model of military-grade mechanotank, the X323 Arachnobot Combat Platform, contains an incredibly advanced ejector seat system that has only a microscopic chance of breaking the pilot's neck and killing them instantly when escape is necessary. Photography: S. Scribblestorm

Later that evening, these intrepid soldiers dispatched from the Depot in a wing of top-of-the-line gyrocopters. Displaying team coordination and practical skill in piloting birds that would make a veteran flying squadron hang their heads, they swooped in on the mountains above the city and conducted aerial reconnaissance under the cover of a storm.


A gyrocopter swoops in for its target. Photoraphy: S. Scribblestorm

Despite an unrelenting fall of sleet that would have caused engine failures in lesser machines, these adventurers manoeuvred their aircraft expertly and, with faultless aim, landed several rocket-propelled Radiageigatrons into the ventilation shafts protruding from the mountainside above Gnomeregan. These machines will transmit data back to technicians behind the lines, giving our boys and girls in R&D a reliable model of radiation levels within the city.

The Ironforge Tribune salutes these clever, courageous and sexually desirable heroes! Photoraphy: P. Waterclock

Tragically, and by no fault of his own, at least one brave veteran of the Gnomeregan Aerial Corps lost control of his aircraft and crashed, his body recovered and confirmed decased. The High Tinker has pledged funerals in state with full honours for every casualty of Operation: Gnomeregan in our reclaimed city. Another volunteer, a human male, was forced to make an emergency landing and is still MIA.

Phase One is set to be launched this morning with an attack on the old airfield, with more partisans and Alliance soldiers expected to arrive to reinforce the FOB today.

[CappnRob]

[Sol]

Sure enough, the next morning, the focus of Sheck Sez remains unchanged.

The Ironforge Tribune

THE BATTLE CONTINUES!

DAY TWO of Operation Gnomeregan has come to an end after a day of hard fighting, leaving our boys and girls securely in control of the surface of the city! Phases One and Two have been executed with impeccable speed and professionalism, with Phase Three, in which the Brigade will secure a foothold within the upper layers of the city, planned to be launched tomorrow morning.


The High Tinker surveys the troops before leading them into Phase One of the Operation. Photography: S. Scribblestorm

The first objective of the day was the airfield. Mekkatorque led the charge in a meticulous execution of Gnomeregan's sophisticated combined arms tactics, carried out with the keenest of caution. Armoured units spearheaded an infantry advance that was supported on the wings by cavalry and from the skies by bomber planes. They began a bold and daring assault from above and below, making short work of the foe!

The airfield, which was defended by leprous foot soldiers who were supported in their positions by a squadron of outdated mechano-tanks from before the Fall, was home to several anti-air emplacements. These were disabled one by one as the position was captured by our flyboys' precision bombing and by battlesuits on the ground, while our troops mopped up and drove back the shambling ranks of Thermoplugg's army. The skies above Gnomeregan are now commanded exclusively by the Gnomish Aerial Corps!


The airfield, once the primary surface staging grounds of the Gnomish Aerial Core, is back in our hands once again. Photography: S. Scribblestorm

Later, once the airfield was fully secured and occupied by troops moving up from our Forward Operating Base, Phase Two was to be initiated. The next objective was the Surface Command Post. This was the final fortification held above ground by the lepers, the last stepping stone before the Gate of Gears before the great elevator down to our subterranean home.

Our embedded reporter was being treated for concussion sustained in Phase One while the second mission took place, although interviews with the veterans determined several facts. The leper forces were well-armed and well-entrenched, but our ingenuity and courage would ultimately carry the day!


The Surface Command Post will be a vital stop-off point for troops moving up towards the Gate of Gears in coming action. Photography: S. Scribblestorm

The High Tinker himself was challenged by the commander of these troops. They had the gall to brand themselves heroes and the Exiles of Gnomeregan the traitors - they, who are led by a fraud and a tyrant! Perhaps a cure for Gnomish Leprosy can be found when our city is cleansed, but in the meantime, every single leper gnome alive today represents a real and severe threat to all right-thinking patriots of Gnomeregan.

Operation: Gnomeregan is almost complete, but we need your help to see it finished. The ultimate goal of this Operation is to give us a fighting foothold in the city itself; the battle to reclaim the city itself begins when Operation: Gnomeregan ends! Down maintenance tunnels and tramlines, through the streets and through the halls, we will fight for our home! Our brave soldiers will not rest until the Gnomish capital is home to GNOMES, and not MONSTERS, once again!


The savage servants of the traitor Thermaplugg stand guard before the gate of our stolen home. Photography: S. Scribblestorm

Gnomeregan under Mekkatorque was once the SUPREME scientific and industrial power of Azeroth: and with your help, it can be once again! With the full support of the Grand Alliance it can rise to be greater than ever before. Head to your local banking house and BUY GNOMEREGAN WAR BONDS TODAY. Remember, every copper is a bullet in our best marksman's rifle!

Tomorrow is Day Three of Operation: Gnomeregan, and with it begins Phase Three! This is the final push - the final push to recapture the surface and uppermost level of the city, and once that domino falls, then piece by piece the city below will fall back into our hands.

We will fight - and we will win!

[Caravan]

[Sol]

Spoiler:

oh my god cara wat r u doin



stahp