12-22-2010, 03:27 AM
Hello my fellow CoTHian's.
I've ... decided to finalise this until further notice. After much ... much much thought. I won't be logging as often anymore. I will log on some time during the day, do my dailies ... level some OOC profession, and log out. I will possibly be online for OOC raids if someone needs a tank or a DPS (Those of you who don't have my MSN can access it via my profile status if you need me to dps/tank).
I'm also available to RP ... But ... I won't RP unless I'm asked ... I'm sorry ... I know it seems very selfish and arrogant ... like I'm too good to ask someone for RP ... but ... honestly ... I'm too scared to ask -anyone- to RP ...
I will possible go ahead with me and Loxxy's Idea of Alaszun's event in Darkshore ... possibly <3
But otherwise ... I'll barely be online ... not like that's a change from lately my dear CoTHian's <3
I wish you all, fond memories and beautiful RP's.
Renae <3
------------------------------------------------
Those of you who wish to know more can read this part of my absence ... but be warned ... I ... I had to drink -alot- of alcohol for me to even have -any- confidence to say this at -all-
If anyone wishes to get into contact with me. I'm usually online -sometime- on Karast doing my dailies, or you can contact me on my MSN (which you can find in my profile details).
If I'm online on MSN, I'm usually available for OOC matters such as Jewelcrafting / Enchanting / Inscription (soon. Working on leveling it) ... and I'm also quite geared to fulfil the OOC roles of DPS or Tank if you ever need one...
I've ... decided to finalise this until further notice. After much ... much much thought. I won't be logging as often anymore. I will log on some time during the day, do my dailies ... level some OOC profession, and log out. I will possibly be online for OOC raids if someone needs a tank or a DPS (Those of you who don't have my MSN can access it via my profile status if you need me to dps/tank).
I'm also available to RP ... But ... I won't RP unless I'm asked ... I'm sorry ... I know it seems very selfish and arrogant ... like I'm too good to ask someone for RP ... but ... honestly ... I'm too scared to ask -anyone- to RP ...
I will possible go ahead with me and Loxxy's Idea of Alaszun's event in Darkshore ... possibly <3
But otherwise ... I'll barely be online ... not like that's a change from lately my dear CoTHian's <3
I wish you all, fond memories and beautiful RP's.
Renae <3
------------------------------------------------
Those of you who wish to know more can read this part of my absence ... but be warned ... I ... I had to drink -alot- of alcohol for me to even have -any- confidence to say this at -all-
Spoiler:
Okay. Here goes.
I'm ... very disappointed in myself when it comes to my own self-esteem. I log in on GMI on -every- toon ... and it doesn't matter which toon I'm on ... I have no confidence ... no guts ... to say something as simple as "Hello everyone!" or even a bit more such as " ... Would anyone like to RP with me?"
I cannot say any of this ... I'm just too scared to say any of this. I disgust myself even thinking about this at this very moment. I watch many people I know on GMI running around doing their business ... and I cannot even work up the courage to say hello or ask them for RP. This ... makes me feel so horrible inside I canont begin to describe it.
I'm weak ... CoTHian's ... I'm probably the weakest and most timid person on the server ...
I've lost ... so many friends ... because of the stupid things I've done OOCl'y. And I watch these people who used to be my friends ... I watch them run around on GMI ... have a laugh ... invite others for RP ... and I cannot even work up the courage to do something as simple as apologise to them for the things I've done wrong.
I've lost some very close friends ... and I know ... I can never get them back. I've watched them on GMI ... everyone seems so happy ... even them. I cannot talk to them ... I cannot tell them how much of an idiot I am ... and always will be
No one can ... ever fathom ... how much I disgust myself of whom I've lost as a friend. I disgust my own low self-esteem, my own lack of confidence, my own nervous-ness/timid-ness and shy-ness. Everytime I log onto CoTH. despite my best efforts ... I'm reminded of just how pitiful I really am. So many people have tried to help me ... and I have disgusted myself knowing that I've pushed so many people away. I've lost so many friends this way ... and of other dreadful things I've done.
I started on CoTH's with high hopes ... hope that I could be happy despite of all the horrid things that have happened to me over the past 3 years (Those of you think you know what's wrong ... I have -barely- told you anything ... you only know of my best friends death ...)
I sit here now, typing this out ... revealing who I really am ... and I'm in tear's ... I'm crying as I type this. I just ... feel so digusted with myself when I log. I instantly check /who ... see who I know. I smile at first, knowing that they are RP'ing and are very well enjoying themself ... then I frown ... realising I cannot say hello ... or ask to join in ... it's ... more the fact I cannot greet people I hold very deer to me. Kretol ... he may not know it ... but I RP'ed with him 3 years ago when I played for 2 months. The RP we had together still has a special place in my heart ... and I cannot even tell him. There are many other's I've had short RP's with, spoken to for a few days afterwards ... then all has gone silent.
I know ... it's all my fault ... because (excuse my language) I'm too chicken shit to do something as simple as say hello or "would you like to continue our RP?"
...
...
...
I disgust myself more then everyone will ever know ... I'm ... I'm so sorry.
No one ... no one knows how much ... I had to drink ... to actually say -any- of this ....
I'm ... very disappointed in myself when it comes to my own self-esteem. I log in on GMI on -every- toon ... and it doesn't matter which toon I'm on ... I have no confidence ... no guts ... to say something as simple as "Hello everyone!" or even a bit more such as " ... Would anyone like to RP with me?"
I cannot say any of this ... I'm just too scared to say any of this. I disgust myself even thinking about this at this very moment. I watch many people I know on GMI running around doing their business ... and I cannot even work up the courage to say hello or ask them for RP. This ... makes me feel so horrible inside I canont begin to describe it.
I'm weak ... CoTHian's ... I'm probably the weakest and most timid person on the server ...
I've lost ... so many friends ... because of the stupid things I've done OOCl'y. And I watch these people who used to be my friends ... I watch them run around on GMI ... have a laugh ... invite others for RP ... and I cannot even work up the courage to do something as simple as apologise to them for the things I've done wrong.
I've lost some very close friends ... and I know ... I can never get them back. I've watched them on GMI ... everyone seems so happy ... even them. I cannot talk to them ... I cannot tell them how much of an idiot I am ... and always will be
No one can ... ever fathom ... how much I disgust myself of whom I've lost as a friend. I disgust my own low self-esteem, my own lack of confidence, my own nervous-ness/timid-ness and shy-ness. Everytime I log onto CoTH. despite my best efforts ... I'm reminded of just how pitiful I really am. So many people have tried to help me ... and I have disgusted myself knowing that I've pushed so many people away. I've lost so many friends this way ... and of other dreadful things I've done.
I started on CoTH's with high hopes ... hope that I could be happy despite of all the horrid things that have happened to me over the past 3 years (Those of you think you know what's wrong ... I have -barely- told you anything ... you only know of my best friends death ...)
I sit here now, typing this out ... revealing who I really am ... and I'm in tear's ... I'm crying as I type this. I just ... feel so digusted with myself when I log. I instantly check /who ... see who I know. I smile at first, knowing that they are RP'ing and are very well enjoying themself ... then I frown ... realising I cannot say hello ... or ask to join in ... it's ... more the fact I cannot greet people I hold very deer to me. Kretol ... he may not know it ... but I RP'ed with him 3 years ago when I played for 2 months. The RP we had together still has a special place in my heart ... and I cannot even tell him. There are many other's I've had short RP's with, spoken to for a few days afterwards ... then all has gone silent.
I know ... it's all my fault ... because (excuse my language) I'm too chicken shit to do something as simple as say hello or "would you like to continue our RP?"
...
...
...
I disgust myself more then everyone will ever know ... I'm ... I'm so sorry.
No one ... no one knows how much ... I had to drink ... to actually say -any- of this ....
If anyone wishes to get into contact with me. I'm usually online -sometime- on Karast doing my dailies, or you can contact me on my MSN (which you can find in my profile details).
If I'm online on MSN, I'm usually available for OOC matters such as Jewelcrafting / Enchanting / Inscription (soon. Working on leveling it) ... and I'm also quite geared to fulfil the OOC roles of DPS or Tank if you ever need one...