Server coming down soon for a revision update as well as to attempt to upgrade the database server program! Estimated downtime is 15-30 minutes.
Unfortunately, the stupid new SQL server refused to start up regardless of what I tried to do with the configuration. Not only that, but the crashes were still prevalent in the attempted revision update. It seems it's an issue with a new script the Trinity devs are pushing.
At any rate, that was an hour lost with nothing to show for it. *grumble*