08-19-2011, 10:10 PM
OOC: This is going to, eventually, be the complete text of a guidebook in the possession of a character named Aristophanes. Written by a well-traveled but extremely ill-informed rustic Blood Elf, it serves as the basis for Aristophanes' travel knowledge.
In short, it is the reason he is so innocently a prat.
The Comprehensive Guidebook to Azeroth and Beyond
Written by Logar Longwhisper, for the education of Sin'Dorei travelers
Part One; One the Diverse Races of the Factions (Mostly) Native to Azeroth
Orcs - "The common misconception is that an orc's life is nasty, brutish and short. Orcs, however, do not live short lives."
Tauren - "A nomadic race of sentient cow, the Tauren have made commendable contributions in the field of leatherworking."
Forsaken - [Placeholder]
Trolls - "There is an argument to be made that Trolls are an excellent study in apparent sapience where no indications of intelligence seem to exist. Their continued perseverance in this world is as befuddling as the cuddlefish and smells nearly as bad when left out in the sun too long."
Blood Elves - "This being a compendium written by and for the Sin'dorei, any reader of this section who is unfamiliar with that race can be naturally assumed to be a spy or otherwise warlike malcontent intent on our total and utter destruction. Their perusal of this cultural monument should at no point stop, and their reading in no way speedy. Indeed it is this very passage's intent to keep the reader's attention while one of our gloriously skilled brethren attempts the Silvermoon Politician's Handshake, which in other lands is called a garrote. We hope that by this paragraph's conclusion the accursed interloper has been dealt with, and this text returned to its rightful place in the hands of a Sin'dorei traveler."
Humans - "While humans lack the grace of the Kal'dorei and the industriousness of the Dwarves, they have made admirable strides in catching up with the two; though they match the former only in arrogance and the latter only in hair."
Gnomes - "Being as short as they are, Gnomes are easy to miss. In fact, this rather empty entry is a result of having continued to miss them for the full one hundred and twenty three years over which this book was penned."
Dwarves - "There are a veritable host of nasty stereotypes about the Dwarves, be it their predilection towards imbibition, their uninhibited strides in the art of tactlessness, or the generally stocky build of a race seemingly constructed only halfway. The truth of the matter is that no Dwarf could ever resemble their sundry rumors and stereotypes. It has not, however, stopped the race as a whole from trying to live up to the bad name."
Draenei - "The Draenei are a noble race of spacefaring creatures with an uncomfortably close relationship to the Elekk which they ride. This author will make no comment or judgement to any effect as to the nature of the relationship, nor will he start any slanderous rumors about the Draenei-Elekk lechery which may or may not occur. There is absolutely no solid evidence that the Elekk handlers of the Draenei race take advantage of their mounts and give in to horrifyingly alien salaciousness. No -solid- evidence whatsoever of Draenei perversity at all. Zero."
Goblin - "It is a common fact that one of the safest places for a Sin'Dorei outside of a Sin'dorei city is a Goblin City. Never let it be said that a Goblin failed to protect anyone within their city limits who had coin in their purse. Where most races recognize that it is the creature that wears the coinpurse, a Goblin has a little more difficulty, and cannot help but believe that it is the coinpurse which is rather inelegantly decorated by a creature. Most Goblins, to that effect, attempt to separate the two at the first opportunity."
Sundry Advice to the Sin'Dorei Traveler in Distant Land
"When one finds themselves in climates northern, which is to say, cold, it is very important that the traveler is already aware of the means by which to determine whence it has, is, or will be snowing.
To that end, a traveler should consult their head. If it is currently wet, chances are it is currently snowing. If the traveler's feet are wet, one might infer with great clarity that it has likely snowed. If both the traveler's feet and head - along with the parts in between - are simultaneously wet then the traveler has in most cases been submerged underwater. This is not advised and exceedingly dangerous.
The traveler should content themselves, however, with the absolute certain knowledge that it is not, has not, and will likely not, snow."
"When dealing with creatures which are not Sin'dorei, it is essential to remember the superiority of the Blood Elf race. Other creatures - both sentient, and in the case of Trolls, mostly-sentient - appreciate the strong leadership quality implicit in reminding them of the Sin'dorei superiority.
Be sure to lead off most, if not all conversations, with a recitation of one of the many glorious contributions to Azeroth the Sin'dorei have provided."
"With Goblins, all sales are final. Except when they are not, in which case they are not. It is impossible to determine which is which, except by determining which would best benefit the Goblin."
"Never get between an Ogre and his food, except in cases where the traveler would -be- the Ogre's food. In that case, the traveler is encouraged to get as much between the Ogre and his food as possible.
Excellent items to place between an Ogre and a traveler-as-food include but are not limited to; sharp things, explosive things, continents, armored things, tastier looking things."
"It is provably impossible to win against a Forsaken in a staring contest."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth. Unless, of course, you are an exceptional liar."
"An old dog can't learn new tricks but makes excellent trail rations in a pinch."
"When you get down to the facts of it, Trolls are not far removed from lichen. In both color and their propensity to grow on the sunward side of trees."
In short, it is the reason he is so innocently a prat.
The Comprehensive Guidebook to Azeroth and Beyond
Written by Logar Longwhisper, for the education of Sin'Dorei travelers
Part One; One the Diverse Races of the Factions (Mostly) Native to Azeroth
Orcs - "The common misconception is that an orc's life is nasty, brutish and short. Orcs, however, do not live short lives."
Tauren - "A nomadic race of sentient cow, the Tauren have made commendable contributions in the field of leatherworking."
Forsaken - [Placeholder]
Trolls - "There is an argument to be made that Trolls are an excellent study in apparent sapience where no indications of intelligence seem to exist. Their continued perseverance in this world is as befuddling as the cuddlefish and smells nearly as bad when left out in the sun too long."
Blood Elves - "This being a compendium written by and for the Sin'dorei, any reader of this section who is unfamiliar with that race can be naturally assumed to be a spy or otherwise warlike malcontent intent on our total and utter destruction. Their perusal of this cultural monument should at no point stop, and their reading in no way speedy. Indeed it is this very passage's intent to keep the reader's attention while one of our gloriously skilled brethren attempts the Silvermoon Politician's Handshake, which in other lands is called a garrote. We hope that by this paragraph's conclusion the accursed interloper has been dealt with, and this text returned to its rightful place in the hands of a Sin'dorei traveler."
Humans - "While humans lack the grace of the Kal'dorei and the industriousness of the Dwarves, they have made admirable strides in catching up with the two; though they match the former only in arrogance and the latter only in hair."
Gnomes - "Being as short as they are, Gnomes are easy to miss. In fact, this rather empty entry is a result of having continued to miss them for the full one hundred and twenty three years over which this book was penned."
Dwarves - "There are a veritable host of nasty stereotypes about the Dwarves, be it their predilection towards imbibition, their uninhibited strides in the art of tactlessness, or the generally stocky build of a race seemingly constructed only halfway. The truth of the matter is that no Dwarf could ever resemble their sundry rumors and stereotypes. It has not, however, stopped the race as a whole from trying to live up to the bad name."
Draenei - "The Draenei are a noble race of spacefaring creatures with an uncomfortably close relationship to the Elekk which they ride. This author will make no comment or judgement to any effect as to the nature of the relationship, nor will he start any slanderous rumors about the Draenei-Elekk lechery which may or may not occur. There is absolutely no solid evidence that the Elekk handlers of the Draenei race take advantage of their mounts and give in to horrifyingly alien salaciousness. No -solid- evidence whatsoever of Draenei perversity at all. Zero."
Goblin - "It is a common fact that one of the safest places for a Sin'Dorei outside of a Sin'dorei city is a Goblin City. Never let it be said that a Goblin failed to protect anyone within their city limits who had coin in their purse. Where most races recognize that it is the creature that wears the coinpurse, a Goblin has a little more difficulty, and cannot help but believe that it is the coinpurse which is rather inelegantly decorated by a creature. Most Goblins, to that effect, attempt to separate the two at the first opportunity."
Sundry Advice to the Sin'Dorei Traveler in Distant Land
"When one finds themselves in climates northern, which is to say, cold, it is very important that the traveler is already aware of the means by which to determine whence it has, is, or will be snowing.
To that end, a traveler should consult their head. If it is currently wet, chances are it is currently snowing. If the traveler's feet are wet, one might infer with great clarity that it has likely snowed. If both the traveler's feet and head - along with the parts in between - are simultaneously wet then the traveler has in most cases been submerged underwater. This is not advised and exceedingly dangerous.
The traveler should content themselves, however, with the absolute certain knowledge that it is not, has not, and will likely not, snow."
"When dealing with creatures which are not Sin'dorei, it is essential to remember the superiority of the Blood Elf race. Other creatures - both sentient, and in the case of Trolls, mostly-sentient - appreciate the strong leadership quality implicit in reminding them of the Sin'dorei superiority.
Be sure to lead off most, if not all conversations, with a recitation of one of the many glorious contributions to Azeroth the Sin'dorei have provided."
"With Goblins, all sales are final. Except when they are not, in which case they are not. It is impossible to determine which is which, except by determining which would best benefit the Goblin."
"Never get between an Ogre and his food, except in cases where the traveler would -be- the Ogre's food. In that case, the traveler is encouraged to get as much between the Ogre and his food as possible.
Excellent items to place between an Ogre and a traveler-as-food include but are not limited to; sharp things, explosive things, continents, armored things, tastier looking things."
"It is provably impossible to win against a Forsaken in a staring contest."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth. Unless, of course, you are an exceptional liar."
"An old dog can't learn new tricks but makes excellent trail rations in a pinch."
"When you get down to the facts of it, Trolls are not far removed from lichen. In both color and their propensity to grow on the sunward side of trees."