Conquest of the Horde

So most of you have noticed that I haven't been on CotH since Guild Wars 2 came out. Yeah, about that...

Guild Wars 2 is probably a part of why I'm gone, yes. The game is excellent, easily the best MMO I've ever played, so it's been consuming a lot of my time. The gameplay and lore are both superior to WoW, so my desire to be on CotH has dwindled. Ultimately, however, it's not the only reason I've been gone. I've been thinking about something for a long while, and after some soul searching and a few events that pushed me to make a decision, I've come to this point.

I'm stepping down as an admin.

I watched this server since its creation. I helped build it. Yet over time things have changed, and ultimately this is no longer the server I built. Times changed, the players' desires have changed, and ultimately all I have done, all I've ever done, is try to keep things as I envisioned them. Yet what I have realized is that my vision of CotH, what I wanted, is dead, and has been for some time. CotH doesn't need me. It hasn't needed me for a long while. It has garnered a wonderful playerbase and a wonderful staff, and I'm simply obsolete. My desires and vision are simply incompatible with what others want.

I've logged onto CotH intermittently for years now, fleeting attempts to get RP or develop friendships. Yet, finding RP on my own server was never easy for me. In other blog entries, I made no secret of my relative isolation and loneliness, which I think was always the driving force behind my desire to RP. But I think back on all of the things I've done on CotH, of all the RP I've had, and I realize that I never got what I truly wanted. Perhaps what I want is simply unobtainable.

Perhaps I simply don't have the skill to attain and maintain what I want.

People say things that they think makes the situation better, but it doesn't. Of the offers of RP I gained, it never did feel...right to me, anymore. I've been asked if there's trouble in my life that I want to talk about, but that just spreads depression around. I've been told to not worry, that things will get better, but they never do. This presumes a karmic "rightness" to the world, that good things naturally happen to good people. That doesn't happen except in movies and video games.

Even now, I hesitate on if I should be posting all of this. If you are reading this, thinking if there was something you did to contribute, please don't. The problem is mine. I certainly have no right to judge the decisions and desires of others, not with my bitterness, my bull-headedness, my arrogance, my derision, and my bids for attention (which you can count this among, if it pleases you.) I have been a terrible person over my years on CotH, and it's just as likely that my loneliness and distance is a creation of my own decisions.

I have no intentions on having any further creative input on CotH's workings. Kretol may decide to leave my name red in the hopes of my return, that is his decision. Presuming he deigns to continue to allow it, I will still restart the server on request if it crashes.

Beyond that...I wish you all the best, far better than I ever treated you.

Whaaaaat

We love you Grakor, like a brother.

:c Good luck in whatever you do, Grak. We're gonna miss your nubbiness.

*Headscratches*

This doesn't really feel like a goodbye for me. I know I'll still keep in contact with ya, and I can't blame you for leaving the server. It just seems to be getting dragged in a certain direction, one I'm not fond of as well. That's why I'm not that active anymore.

Anywho. I'll catch you on Guild Wars and all that jazz, Grak!

Stay cool.

No. Wait.

Stay...

But we love our Grak

W.. Wha..?

I didn't see eye to eye on everything you did, but I always found you effective at what you did and I always felt like everything you did on here were with good intentions. And for that you have and probably always will have my respect. Good luck, Grakor.

Never knew you well, but you were actually one of the first people I ever RPed with on the server - back when I was still a noob Orc wearing the Bold armor and had not the faintest clue about how to RP! Admittedly, I don't remember it vividly, but it's shaped my view of the server since - That GMs and Admins are approachable like anyone else.

Dark day for CoTH, this. I'm sure we're all hoping and praying for your return.

...With my initial post out of the way, I can clarify on my "what".

I always thought you'd be the -last- person to "step down". I really don't even know what to say or think here, other than good luck and have fun with stuff.

CoTh has moved on, I think from what a lot of us were used to. Hence why so many of us have left or are in transitions of leaving.




Are we all outgrowing the place?

Since this is what most people are doing:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEtRoZ5FWNc[/youtube]

On a more personal note, ima miss you bro. You did right by us, even if we didn't always see it. Your event ideas were awesome, your characters were awesome, and you, Sir, are awesome.

I'll miss you. :c You should pester me for RP in GW2 sometime.

I just hope everything works out for you Grak. I know you and I have had a bit of an erratic acquaintanceship, but I will miss having you around. You've always been considered a 'constant' on CotH. Something we all expected to be there no matter what.

But you're a person. People change. And I hope your changes bring you new and great experiences. I'm sorry if I ever offended you in the past.

Not going to lie, shocked as well. However, all I can say is that I wish you all the best and every happiness, Grakor. Good luck with everything.