So I'm sure someone might have noticed by now. I don't post on the forums near as much and I'm hardly ever in game. There's not some grand reason to it all, really. I'm still dealing with health issues, I've got work, and quite frankly I feel detached from the community. And it's not a suddenly detached feeling either. It's been growing even back when I was part of the staff. I don't know where I'm wanted here anymore, so I simply stick to a small few. If you want to RP with me, I don't idle anymore. You'll have to contact me over Skype. You can PM me asking for that information since I do look at the forums at least once a day out of habit.
When will I come back? I don't know. Part of me thinks I'll be watching from a distance for a long time now as it feels I have been already. Oh well. Not gonna rant or complain or anything. Just thought I'd let people know.
I've done some soul searching during my off time. Quite a lot today, actually. I spoke with @Grakor456 and @Rigley a tad after my posts in Grak's thread and got me to even more thinking. After @JTJP770 expressed his concerns for me, I truly realized how different I had become.
I ended up adapting most of my sister's angry and hateful demeanor. Why? She really is a whole lot better off than I was in school. Maybe some part of me thought I had to be like her to get far. All I know is I had a wake up call. I took a step back, looked at myself, and was rather disgusted with what I saw. My posts prior to this, I may have been abrasive. Might've been trying to butt heads for the sake of butting heads, when quite frankly I tend to be a rather scared individual. I spent so much time worrying about if people liked me or not to where I stopped caring and assumed the masses disliked me.
I'll consider this a formal apology to all of the staff and everyone else on CotH. For anything I've done while I wasn't myself. I can't express my regret over my past actions through words as best I hope I could, but I do offer this. I'm trying my best to change back to who I truly am and embrace the positive outlook I've long once forgotten. I do want to thank all of my friends who stood by me, even when I was at my grumpiest.
If I can remain positive throughout this work week that ends on Thursday, I'll make an official return to CotH.
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