Conquest of the Horde

This post took three tries before I could finally get out what I wanted to say.

Its no secret I've drifted from CotH the past few months. I thought simply maybe I was burnt out, tired from creating and managing RP for other people and not giving any time to myself.

I thought if I took a break and did other things, focused on other venues of enjoyment, and let myself cool off and only RP casually then I would recover.

I was wrong, and I have not. I've been looking at my attitude from the past few months, and I've seen a me I do not like. I've realized that things offend me more easily now. I'm quicker to anger, quicker to sadden, and quicker to offend. Every chat I'm in, even non-CotH related ones, have managed to upset me more than they should.

I feel I've fallen not into a routine downer, but an ugly full blown depression. I have no creative drive anymore, no desire or inspiration to create or do things. Even playing video games and simply relaxing does not always feel satisfying.

I originally intended to make this post and just say I'm taking a break but will not actually be leaving... and, that is still true. I can't leave CotH. You guys have been friends and family when I've lacked both. However... I don't think I can really be an active, productive member of the community right now. I need help, to see a counselor or a psychologist or something to help me with myself.

I'll still be on the skype chats. I might even RP occasionally when my mood permits. I'm not going to fall off the face of the world and leave you wondering where I've gone. But my storylines, my guilds, my ideas.... that's all on ice, for now. I'm sorry to everyone involved with me and my guilds and stories, dreadfully tearfully sorry I could not keep the grand promises and ideas I made. I won't be disbanding anything on the server and do encourage all members of Order of Virtue and Windwaker to keep RPing with or without me.. just... know and understand where I'm coming from. I feel terrible that I've fallen flat on my efforts, but I can not even pretend to force motivation now.

So yeah. I'll see you guys around. Things will get better one day. They always do.

Yo get well bro.

Take all the time you need. Sometimes things just creep in from any and all angles. Your guilds/ideas will be here when you are ready for 'em.

I know where you're coming from with the depression - and dealing with it really is a 'slog' as they call it, so being a productive member here isn't as important as dealing with that slog, which I know you can truck through. If you ever need an ear I'm around.

I know how you feel Cappn. Take your time and make sure you can get yourself out of depression. God knows I have enough trouble with it. I would't wish it on anyone else.

Take it easy <3.

You're a really great guy Cappn, don't feel discouraged about how you're feeling as I feel like that's a very normal thing for people to feel everyone now and then. That being said, it freaking sucks when it does happen and I hope I speak for everyone when I say, if you ever need us, we're here for you dude.

First I wanted to like this post. But then I realized I can't. You're my bro, Cappn. Thanks for everything.

Cappn, though I don't think I've chatted to you much, from what I know of you, you are a great and well-appreciated guy, and your dedication and your stories will be missed. However, focus on yourself, get yourself back to where you need to be again. I'm sure we all here understand, and, myself included, will be behind you all the way

C-Cappnub, y u do dis

Good luck wherever life takes you, and hope everything gets better soon. I'll just end this with what you told me when I was struggling with finals not too long ago. You can do it.

Suppose I owe ya'll an update, if a small one.

Still on hiatus, but kiiind of feeling a little better. Been doing a lot of work on some original material with Immy, and that's improved my mood greatly when we're cracking into it. Besides that though, life is still hectic and I still get agitated easily with things, but at least I'm not in a constantly endless downer like I was a few weeks ago. I've also made initial arrangements to see a therapist, but first I have to be evaluated by a physician. So that's looking up too.

As for RP, I've... been thinking, mostly. A lot of my characters I love to play are sort of out of storyline fodder, at least active ones. I think if I could generate some new material for them I'd get some groove back, but... dunno what. If anyone wants to suggest anything, do feel free to hit me up; I'd love to get involved with other people's stories for a change.

At any rate, I'm open for a RP now and then if ya ask. Just buzz me on Skype, and we'll see what we can arrange.

Let's kick Roux out of Duskwood and throw her on Gilneas Island.

(11-10-2014, 02:33 PM)Mathias Wrote: [ -> ]Let's kick Roux out of Duskwood and throw her on Gilneas Island.

* CappnRob kicks the dust off his away icon

Ya know, I've been feeling better. Haven't met all my goals yet due to TIME WASTING and LAZINESS but I've been feeling a lot better.

Cap's as back as he gets for now.

* Scout picks up Cappn.

* Scout walks away with him.

myyyy precioooouuuussss