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Alarian Darkstalker [Blood Elf]
#1
Player: Dug

Character Full Name: Alarian Darkstalker

Character In-Game Name: Alarian

Nickname(s): Ally; Al; Boomstick; Boomstick boy

Association(s): Silvermoon City; Diamonds

Race: Blood Elf

Class: Rogue

Skills and Abilities: Alarian has no special skills or abilities, but he is very good at ranged combat which lead him to distance him self from melee combat. He is at home when holding a rifle, but not as much when it comes to melee. Ever since he was a little boy when he saw the marvels of engineering he had fallen in love with it. In due time as he had grown up he had begun shifting his attention towards studying engineering and that he did.

Today, Alarian can make many things with proper schematics and parts. But one thing he can't do is make his own parts which requires minerals extracted from ores which means mining. He can't smelt nor find ores, let alone go looking for them. He has taken an interest into bombs in specific and as such he is very good at creating them. The problem with his engineering hobby is that he cannot buy his own parts very often. He has an issue with coin and is barely getting by.

Age: 112

Sex: Male

Hair: Black

Eyes: Fel Green

Weight: 79 kg

Height: 1.82 m

Usual Garments/Armor: Alarian wears a leather outfit which has a mix of black and red color on it. Primarily worn to honor the fallen elves, but then again he has nothing else to wear in specific. On his head usually there are the red goggles he uses for various things such as assistance during aiming down the scope of his rifle or eye protection during use of a blowtorch and traversing through a sand storm. Even though it is not practical, he uses it because he has nothing else to use.

Alignment: Neutral

Personality: Alarian is very indifferent when it comes to many aspects of life, politics and various other things which may come his way. He cares very little for the conflict of the horde and the alliance. His primary concern is earning coin and staying alive. He won't hesitate to try and do something illegal if it means staying alive and not starving. As a friend, Alarian is loyal and tries his best to keep any and all friendships alive but as long as he is respected during it, he respects all he comes across and expects the same in return. Unfortunately for Alarian he does not have many friends and has issues making them, too many things bother him and he can't look past them. Instead he distances him self from such things which has left him quite lonesome.

Despite what he does and what he is, he despises any and all conflict. He won't cherish it or seek it out if it is not necessary. Even the slightest test of strength with any sort of weaponry is frowned upon by him due to recent events in which he got hurt during such a feat. He finds comfort in traveling, engineering and pretty much making up all these little things he can do just not to think about things which stress him out on a daily basis. He tends to write in his notebook as a final resort, within the notebook are his thoughts, his journal and sometimes poems.



History:

Alarian was born in Silvermoon, he never knew his father and his mother had laid out many plans for him which he would never want to follow. That became apparent in the upcoming future as the boy grew up he took little to no interest into magic. Noticing the marvels of engineering which would grow into a hobby over time irritated his mother beyond belief. They could never get along due to his mother wanting him to become a mage, which was out of the question when it came to Alarian. He wanted to become a masterful engineer, someone worthy of respect. He did not wish to wear fancy robes and wield enchanted wands. Oh no he wanted to wield guns, use bombs and the like. Eventually their relation over the coming years became worse and worse until it hit a boiling point where his mother threatened to throw him out of his home. Ironically enough Alarian took initiative and left on his own accord, he took everything that was his and just took off to the streets.

He lived on the streets for a long time and never really faded away from studying engineering as he got in contact with several goblins. Unfortunately at the time Alarian was pretty naive and the goblins in exchange used him as much as possible which were rather harsh lessons for young Alarian at the time. Eventually he had grown away from the said goblins and ended up retreating to Silvermoon. His mother would not wish to speak to him and once more he was on the streets, what little knowledge at the time he had he would use to earn some coin. He noticed it wouldn't bring in enough coin as he had hoped and then he turned to being a criminal. Pick pocketing, robbing people blind, murder, anything to have his loaf of bread. He would sometimes attack lone travelers, observe them from the darkness of the night, and strike when they least expect. This has left him with a heavy consciousness.

After some time he met a girl called Tyra. They became good friends. Tyra was a young priestess in Silvermoon and Alarian would often confess his deeds to her and the way he had to live and what he had to do. Tyra and her faith would never approve of the deeds and she demanded from Alarian to repent somehow, as she wanted him to make up for what he had done. Alarian never knew what to do, as he would never be accepted into the Silvermoon guard, let alone any respectable organization. Mainly because he was widely known about the arguments with his mother which were loud and disruptive, shamefully so. After some time on the streets he became a known trouble maker as well due to his affiliation with common criminals and thugs. He never wanted to leave those thugs or common criminals, and secretly he never wanted an honest job where he would sell fruit or vegetables. He didn't want to solve petty disputes, he was too lazy for honest work and didn't like it to begin with. Alarian wanted to prove himself to his mother, to prove he is better off without her and he wanted it fast. Ironically, he never got around to doing just that. Living on the street didn't exactly leave Alarian smelling or looking nice, but this improved as Tyra began to help him out bit by bit. Alarian was caught pick pocketing several times during his first attempts. It was not an easy skill to master and it had left him with a bad reputation among the common folk. He was largely influenced by Xelia, his girlfriend at the time. She liked the whole bad boy attitude and reputation Alarian had for a short time. But after a year, Alarian just gave it up and that was the end of it. When it came to his repentance, Tyra suggested he goes out of his way to help people, and that perhaps they will reward him for his help.

Soon enough Arthas and the Scourge came. During the invasion, Alarian saved Tyra's life just barely. He was heavily wounded during such an endeavor because this was the first time he had to fight ghouls. The young priestess was being chased by them, while Alarian was already planning to escape Silvermoon. He had no intention of staying to fight for his homeland. Tyra caught his eye and he quickly got into position. He didn't have much ammo to begin with, so he decided to make them all count. A couple of well placed shots and the ghouls were gone, except for the one who came behind him. He did not see him coming and the ghoul struck Alarian with its claws. The leather didn't offer any protection against the attack and Alarian fell flat onto his face. Tyra screamed in panic, but adrenaline kicked in for young Alarian and he quickly turned, dagger in hand. The ghoul was about to take a bite out of Alarian but instead he was stabbed in the head. Alarian was bleeding profusely and the scars remain even today. It was a frightening experience. In Tyra's eyes he had repented for all his previous crimes. The fact that he would be willing to save someone's life was enough for her, yet she was in shock when she realized that she could have died right there on the spot that led her to see him as having repented for his sins. In truth it didn't really matter to her as much due to the fact that Arthas himself was an unholy spawn of evil which threatened everyone. Alarian's crimes were nothing when compared to Arthas', and so she didn't think much of them anymore. She used the light to heal him and they ran away from Silvermoon for a long time.

As time went by, Tyra and Alarian were left to live off the land and to fend for themselves. Then one day, word reached them that the elves are returning to Silvermoon and that the intake of the fel is the only way they will survive without the Sunwell. Both of them knew they needed the magic to survive and so they submitted to the idea. They had survived so far and nothing was going to stop them from surviving any further. Alarian was shocked to see his eyes change color and he was shocked to see what had become of Silvermoon, the news of the Sunwell being corrupted was not something he took lightly to either. He learned to hate the undead and even the forsaken despite them being opposed to Arthas. He saw them as one and the same, thinking they will turn their backs on the world the moment Arthas is gone. Time had shown no such thing would happen. Tyra and Alarian grew apart and Alarian himself would rarely go into Silvermoon. He learned his mother was still alive but he never bothered visiting her.

Alarian's mother had sent several letters and she had gone to Tyra and begged to convince Alarian to come see her, yet he would never hear of it. Alarian eventually decided to go south and then to Kalimdor. He made Gadgetzan his home and rarely returned to his homeland. He would do various jobs in Gadgetzan and sometimes Booty Bay, earning enough coin to eat and drink. If he didn't have enough for food he'd hunt if he had to. Usually the target of his hunt would be something which won't put up much of a fight, if any at all. One day a man called Barregis approached Alarian within Booty Bay while Alarian was off having a drink alone in a corner. He offered him a job, a job which involved killing people. He knew things weren't going to get any better for him and he accepted it, as it's something that had to be done or at least that is how he thought of it. Barregis saw Alarian as shady due to his mask, daggers, rifle, and the dark red and black color of his outfit.

Barregis made his approach and asked, "Is the glass half empty or half full?"

Alarian glared at him confused for a moment, but responded eventually, "Both."

To which Barregis smiled and said, "I like you already."

After a small conversation Barregis cut the act and then skipped to the point as to why he was there and what he wanted from Alarian. He told to Alarian that he looks like the shady sort and that he wouldn't mind going against the law. Alarian threw numerous questions at Barregis and all of them were answered one by one. In the end Barregis laid out nine cards in front of Alarian, they were all folded.

"Pick one," he said.

Alarian took the one on the far left.

"That is your number, you are a number. You are one."

Alarian held the ace of diamonds and nodded. Barregis explained how Alarian will receive contracts and that he will be addressed as One and not Alarian.

The job, as said before, is contract based, and Alarian has yet to get his first contract. Until that happens, he will wander the world in an attempt to get by and try to get some friends if anything. But that would prove to be difficult for him, as he hopes that one day he'll have a place to stay, a place to call a home where he can commit to engineering the way he had always wanted to. He became very tired of sleeping outside or paying for a room in a tavern. What fate has in store for Alarian remains to be seen.
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#2
Quote:Alarian never knew what to do as he would never be accepted into the Silvermoon guard, let alone any respectable organization.

What prevented him from getting accepted into the guard or any other respectable organization? Were his crimes known by the employers, or is it something else? I think some reasoning behind this statement would add some clarity to it.

Quote:In Tyras eyes he had repented for all his previous crimes as Tyra was indeed a fragile girl.

What does Tyra being fragile have to do with Alarian's repentance?

Also, It'd be beneficial to put in more information about the job that Barregis gave him; it seems very sudden, and yet important to the character's current situation.

The rest is grammar stuff:

Spoiler:
Quote:Tyra and her faith would never approve of the deeds and she demanded Alarian repents somehow, that he makes up for what he had done.

repent* make* (these two corrections get rid of the tense issues)

Quote:Alarian was shocked to see his eyes change color, he was shocked to see what had become of Silvermoon and the news of the Sunwell being corrupted were not something he took lightly to.

was not something he took lightly to* (should use was, not were)

Since you use the word shocked twice in this sentence, I'd also recommend that you say 'and he was also shocked to see what become of Silvermoon'. The and in that recommendation is also a necessary conjunction for the sentence.

Quote:He learned to hate the undead, even the forsaken despite them being opposed to Arthas.

I would recommend changing 'even the forsaken' to 'and even the forsaken,'.

Quote:Tyra and Alarian grew apart and Alarian him self would rarely go into Silvermoon.

himself*

Quote:Alarians mother had sent several letters, she had gone to Tyra and begged to convince Alarian to come see her. Yet he would never hear of it.

Alarian's*

'she had gone' to 'and she had gone'

I also recommend combining these two sentences.

Quote:He made Gadgetzan his home and rarely returns to his homeland.

returned*

Quote:The job is contract based and Alarian has yet to get his first contract, until that happens he will wander the world in an attempt to get by and try to get some friends if nothing. But that would prove to be difficult for him, he hopes that one day he'll have a place to stay, a place to call a home where he can commit to engineering the way he had always wanted to. He had become tired of sleeping outside or paying for a room in a tavern. What will become of him remains to be seen.

If you're going to use present and future tense in this paragraph, I'd recommend finding a way to change the sentence beginning with 'he had become' to present tense as well.

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#3
I hope that's good enough. If I didn't do the grammar fixes right, I'm sorry because english is not really my first language and it can be very difficult for me at times.
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#4
I understand. English isn't the easiest language to learn.

Quote:On his head usually there are the red goggles he uses for various things such as assistance during aiming down the scope of his rifle or eye protection during use of a blowtorch and traversing through a sand storm.

I should also bring up that there is a specific type of goggle worn when doing welding work, one you probably wouldn't wear in a place where a sandstorm could rage. That's not to say you can't wear those goggles when not working with a blowtorch, it just wouldn't be practical.

Quote:Alarian never knew what to do as he would never be accepted into the Silvermoon guard, let alone any respectable organization. Mainly because he was widely known about the arguments with his mother, but the moment he took off to the streets he was a known trouble maker as well.

I don't see why public arguments with a parent (unless they were terribly disruptive and loud) would bar him from getting a job.

I also want to ask for just a little more clarity here, as in, what 'trouble making' was known by the potential employers?

There's more to address when it comes to grammar, and I'm going to be going through the history sentence by sentence, so bear with me:

Spoiler:

Quote:He wanted to wield guns, use bombs and the like, which he does today.

It'd probably be best to phrase this sentence in a way that doesn't refer to the present, since it's something that should go in the end of the history or in the skills and abilities.

Quote:He would sometimes attack lone travelers, observe them from the darkness of the night, and strike when they least expect.

Comma addition highlighted.

Quote:They became good friends, Tyra was a young priestess in Silvermoon and Alarian would often confess his deeds to her and the way he had to live and what he had to do.

They became good friends. Tyra...* (it should stand as its own sentence in order to prevent the former sentence from being a run-on)

Quote:Tyra and her faith would never approve of the deeds and she demanded from Alarian to repent somehow, as she wanted him to make up for what he had done.

Quote:Alarian never knew what to do, as he would never be accepted into the Silvermoon guard, let alone any respectable organization.

Suggested additions highlighted.

Quote:The part of living on the street didn't exactly leave Alarian smelling or looking nice either until Tyra began to help him out bit by bit.

Suggested rewrite: 'Living on the street didn't exactly leave Alarian smelling or looking nice, but this improved as Tyra began to help him out bit by bit.'

I suggest using the word improved because I was thinking that this is what you were going for, but if not, don't worry about it.

Quote:Alarian was several times caught pick pocketing in his first attempts he was not born into it and that has left him with a very bad reputation.

This sentence needs a complete rewrite, because it's very difficult to follow. I would recommend taking out the part of 'born into it' and rewriting it as something along the lines of: 'Alarian was caught pick-pocketing several times when he first attempted it, and this left him with a very bad reputation.'

Quote:Meanwhile when it came to his repentance, Tyra suggested he go out of his way to help people, and that perhaps they will reward him for his help.


Suggestions for the next sentence are in green. I suggest taking this clause out of the above sentence:

Quote:but then Arthas and the Scourge came.

And rewriting it as a sentence that can stand by itself.

Quote:In those times, Alarian saved Tyras life barely so.

I suggest rewriting the sentence in a way that describes what 'barely' meant. Describing the extent of her injuries might help.

Quote:He was heavily wounded during such an attempt.

I'm going to suggest changing 'during such an attempt' to 'during his endeavor', since an attempt generally connotates something that wasn't achieved.

Quote:For the first time in his life he fought ghouls and the like to save his friend.

I suggest finding a way to add this to the previous sentence to improve slow, by wording it as something along the lines of 'He was heavily wounded during his endeavor, as it was the first time in his life when he had to fight ghouls.'

Quote:In Tyra's eyes he had repented for all his previous crimes as Tyra was indeed a fragile girl.

Again, I don't see what Tyra being a fragile person has to do with his repentance, so I suggest deleting that part of the sentence, because the mentioning of her fragility might better fit into the next sentence.

Quote:The fact that he would be willing to save someone's life was enough for her, yet it was in shock when she realized that she could have died right there on the spot that led her to see him as having repented for his sins.

Suggested sentence rewrite. Some additions and replacement words have been highlighted.

Quote:Compared to Alarian, Alarian was nothing and as such she didn't think much of it anymore.

Suggested rewrite: "Alarian's crimes were nothing when compared to Arthas', and so she didn't think much of them anymore."

Quote:Then one day, word reached them that the elves are returning to Silvermoon and that the intake of the fel had reached them as well.

I've suggested the addition of the word 'that' twice here.

Quote:Usually the target of his hunt would be something which won't put up much of a fight, if any at all.

Suggested sentence edits highlighted.

Quote:One day a man called Barregis approached Alarian within Booty Bay while Alarian was having a drink off alone in a corner.

I suggest placing the word 'off' before 'having' in this sentence, rather than leaving it where it is right now.

Quote:He knew things weren't going to get any better for him and he accepted it, as it's something that had to be done or at least that is how he thought of it.

Suggested additions/rewrites highlighted.

Quote:Barregis saw Alarian as shady, mask, daggers, a rifle, dark red and black color to his outfit.

I suggest rewriting this as 'Barregis saw Alarian as shady due to his mask, daggers, rifle, and the dark red and black color of his outfit.'

Quote:Alarian looked like the rogue type and still does.

I suggest deleting this sentence, because the previous sentence already establishes this, and this sentence has multiple tenses in it.

As a general rule, there shouldn't be more than one or two quotations in a paragraph, so formatting the next paragraph as follows will fix that:

Quote:Barregis made his approach and asked, "Is the glass half empty or half full?"

Alarian glared at him confused for a moment, but responded eventually, "Both."

To which Barregis smiled and said, "I like you already."

After a small conversation Barregis cut the act and then skipped to the point as to why he was there and what he wanted from Alarian. He told to Alarian that he looks like the shady sort and that he wouldn't mind going against the law. Alarian threw numerous questions at Barregis and all of them were answered one by one. In the end Barregis laid out nine cards in front of Alarian, they were all folded.

"Pick one," he said.

Alarian took the one on the far left.

"That is your number, you are a number. You are one."

Alarian held the ace of diamonds and nodded. Barregis explained how Alarian will receive contracts and that he will be addressed as One and not Alarian.

I've also changed some of the periods to commas here, and decapitalized the word 'He' in one sentence.

Quote:The job, as said before, is contract based, and Alarian has yet to get his first contract. Until that happens, he will wander the world in an attempt to get by and try to get some friends if anything.

Quote:But that would prove to be difficult for him, as he hopes that one day he'll have a place to stay, a place to call a home where he can commit to engineering the way he had always wanted to.

Suggested edits/additions highlighted. That's all!


I understand that this is a rather massive amount of grammar suggestions, and in some cases there are some stylistic suggestions, but I have suggested them as a way to improve the readability of the entire profile. You don't have to follow the suggestions accordingly, but being in the ballpark will do. The rewording here and there is to show how the sentences should appear if they're going to be grammatically correct, but there are other ways to word them as well.
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#5
Hopefully done.
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#6
Content is good to go now - things are very well explained with the additional detail you've given.

A few more grammar things, and we'll be done:

Quote:Eventually their relation over the coming years became worse and worse until it hit a boiling point where his mother threatened him to be thrown out of his home.

'threatened him to be thrown out' is a bit choppy, I'd suggest wording it as 'threatened to throw him out'

Quote:In those times, Alarian saved Tyra's life barely so.

Also a choppy sentence, still. I'd just suggest that you say something along the lines of 'Alarian saved Tyra's life, but just barely'. The comma is necessary after life.

Quote:Soon enough Arthas and the Scourge came.

You don't have to do this, but if you moved this sentence to the next paragraph, as the first sentence, it'd serve as a good topic sentence for the battle with the ghoul that is described in the paragraph.

Quote:Both of them knew they need the magic to survive and so they submitted to the idea.

needed*
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#7
Fixed I think.
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#8
You've got a good profile here, and now that it's a nice and smooth read, it has my approval!

Wikified!
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