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Getting it off my chest.
#1
Okay, so these past two weeks or so I've been coping with this crippling feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside myself and I use the analogy of a 'void' in my chest that grows and shrinks depending on the situation. Most days during school I sit there and don't pay attention, simply waiting for the time to pass so I can go home.

This leads me to my second point. I spend a majority of my free time doing RP, most of which is here on CotH. I've come to realise that I use this as a coping method so I can escape my own skin and put on the persona of another person who is happy and has things going well for them.

I particularly get involved in relationship RP because it's a way for me to get that warm, happy feeling you get from being with a good girlfriend/boyfriend. I get a large amount of happiness from this because my characters are like sensors that I can feel emotion through. If they're happy and cheery, I'm happy and cheery. On the flipside of that, if something goes pear-shaped and makes the character sad, it influences me and makes me sad by extension.

But even after I conclude an RP session that ends on a happy and a lovey vibe, that happiness fades after a while because it hits me that -I- don't have that in my real life. The only way for me to experience romance or strong friendship is to do it through a guise.

I guess the reason I'm opening this out to all of you is because I'd like some of your opinions on how I could help myself out. This crushing loneliness has left me unwilling to get out of bed or pick myself up off the floor some days. That's all I have there, comment away!
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

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[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#2
Go to a therapist. Really, I think it would be best to see what they have to say over people on the internet. However, from what I can gleam, it definitely seems like you could use one.
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#3
I'm seeing a guidance counselor about it but I think having a variety of opinions is nice. Also, someone else here may have first-hand experience in this.
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#4
'T the end of the day, RP's as much an escapism tool as anything else, I figure. As someone who's (though, I think everybody has to some degree) been through the stinky feelings you are now, there's not really much helpful I can glean from it. Generally, it's not severe and fades away in its own time, but in situations like this talkin' to people is probably the best medicine. On another community, someone linked this - it's interesting, and it seems to work well. It might help on the therapeutic side of things, at least.

Hope you start feeling better!




Move him into the sun—
Gently its touch awoke him once,
At home, whispering of fields half-sown.
Always it woke him, even in France,
Until this morning and this snow.
If anything might rouse him now
The kind old sun will know.

Think how it wakes the seeds,—
Woke, once, the clays of a cold star.
Are limbs, so dear-achieved, are sides,
Full-nerved—still warm—too hard to stir?
Was it for this the clay grew tall?
—O what made fatuous sunbeams toil
To break earth’s sleep at all?
[Image: 62675bf4fd.jpg] [Image: 0e7357dcfe.jpg]
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#5
Aye, if you visit a family doctor, you should at least bring depression up with him/her. A somebody who has experienced severe depression, I can say that feeling in the 'chest' is actually one of the things that I felt during from depression, and know other depressed people have had that same feeling - it's a common sign of fatigue as well. Also, I can say it gets worse when it goes untreated.

A therapist is a good and valid suggestion, but if you don't know what's causing you to feel that way, the doctor is definitely the way to go, because depression isn't just an emotional and social thing, it can be the result of something physical and/or genetic. In the end, I went on anti-depressants and it worked wonders for me (and still does) and is cheap, but talking to a doctor about options is the best thing to do as a first step.

As for RP...I'm in no place to either say you should continue using it in a very immersive way for escapism or saying that you should practice separating yourself from your character, because either are valid things to do. However, if the former is causing you some of the sadness you're describing, it might be best to know when you need to uninvolve yourself from a certain RP story, event, or session that's causing the sadness for your character (and yourself in the process). It would be beneficial to you because it's not healthy to feel that way. It would be beneficial to the person involved in generating that roleplay because they shouldn't have to feel responsible for making you sad. I know I like to cause both my characters strife and other's characters as well, because it creates depth in the roleplay, but I would feel pretty bad if I found out it was causing the person behind that character grief.
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#6
I don't mean this in a negative or insulting way to you or to anyone here, but an internet community wholly dedicated to immersion in a fictional world really might not be the best community to solicit for advice regarding your real life.

That said, at the end of the day, you know the answer to your difficulties better than any of us do--even better than your therapist or guidance counselor does. You have to ask yourself, "Why do I feel lonely?" Is it because you don't have enough friends? Is it because you don't have a romantic partner? Why don't you have enough friends or a romantic partner? What, if anything, is preventing you from creating new relationships? How can you work to resolve these obstacles?

While asking for advice from others might prove helpful to you, the questions you really should be asking must be directed to yourself.

EDIT: And if there's any possibility you might think you have clinical depression, I would strongly recommend you consult an actual doctor. If this is something that's only happened over the last two weeks I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion of depression, but if you think it might be a valid avenue to investigate, there's no harm in consulting a professional. Again, only you can make this decision--it's another question you have to ask yourself.
_____________________________________

Needs moar slopes imo
Needs moar archaeology imo
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#7
If you're a lonely soul looking for love (Which it seems you are biased solely on the original post) I suggest not being on Coth and going out to meet new people. RP is fictional. Trying to fill the gap of love with RP is also fictional. I'll talk to you more once you pop on Skype, but Coth isn't the place to go to pick up a real lasting love interest.

Also, if you're depressed I would advice either a doctor or a therapist. Go to the doctor first, they'll either tell you you need anti depressants or a therapist. And they don't cost as much as a therapist (At least for me. Depends on your insurance I guess.)
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#8
Being a person that was a very emotional child, I can blatantly and without fear stand up and say I've gone through nearly the whole spectrum of icky feelings. From stagnant, ongoing anger to flat-out suicidal thoughts, I've got a little bit under my belt.

No, I'm no longer suicidal. I no longer have lingering rage. I am, in fact, calm and composed nearly all of the time, and only have downside moods occasionally (save the tiny bouts of frustration that I get every few days from stress and whatnot....teens, y'know? I digress).
In this thread, many good points have been brought up. If you have, or believe you have depression, seek the aid of a therapist immediately. Nobody likes to be told that they need therapy, but depression is the sort of life-devastating thing that simply can't go untreated.

As far as simple emotions are involved, I'll let you know what has always worked for me. I believe it's all in a matter of perspective. What you perceive about your life can make you upset, lonely, depressed, or it can make you the opposite. Whenever I feel down, I let my mind wander. I think of all the good things in my life. I think of all the people that I strive to succeed for, and that motivates me to carry on. I run lists of people that care about me* in my head, and it puts me in a better mood.
*I've given this advice to people before, and people often say "Nobody cares about me", so the list doesn't help. Mstr, hopefully this isn't the case for your thoughts, because nobody would post here if we didn't care. I'm sure you've got friends, even if none of them are close, outside of CotH, but we are all here as friends as well.

I'm better at giving advice for anger than for giving advice for depressed feelings, but the methods can be tried the same way. When I get angry, I just stop. I stop feeding the feeling, and I think; "Is this situation really worth getting angry over?" More often then not, it's not. So possibly if you begin to feel lonely, or can't seem to pick yourself up, a good question to ask would be; "Is this situation really worth laying down and giving up?", then proceed with thinking of the list of friends, and all the good things in your life.*
*To this I also get many people (in a situation like yours) that say "I don't have any good things in my life", to which I always reply "Yes you do". As I said before, it's a matter of perspective, and I guarantee that if you feel like you don't have good things in your life, that you just need to think on it. Even if it's as simple as your bed that you sleep in, your home that you live in, or anything you find fleeting joy in. There are good things.

As far as RP is concerned, Mstr, I'd suggest a break. It's a good thing, though, that your emotions are tied to your characters. I'm finding that every person that is evolving into a better and better RPer goes through this process; the process of tying their emotions to their characters. To me, this shows that the RPer is able to put levels of emotion behind a character, rather than to RP them as flatly as a piece of cardboard. You can ask almost anybody with RP experience, and they'd most likely tell you that they've gone through this. Even I've gone through this, back when Jaedyn was becoming known. When he was especially angry and frustrated and everybody seemed to be coming down on him, I would get equally frustrated. When my various characters would get passionate about an idea, it'd be the only idea that would drive me as well.

To remedy this is to simply do what you're doing. Take a step back and realize that, while immersion in RP is good, immersion that breaks the flow of your real life stability is not. As Geoni said, it's not healthy to feel so down from RP (and you will, because sad RP will strike you at the core, because you're pouring all your emotion into RP, whereas in real life you'd remain guarded in case of a bad situation). Take a break, and start to remind yourself constantly as you return that IC and OOC are different things. Put as much creativity and passion behind your characters, but possibly try not to live their lives. If you're struggling to separate the two, perhaps all you need is time, and for that I'd just avoid putting yourself into any situation that you believe could cause you, or your character, to be upset.

So. I believe I've rambled enough. I'm not sure how much help I'll be with this post, but hopefully it'll be some. Mstr, on-record, you're my pal. I enjoy RP with you, and OOC chatting with you. You're a great person with great ideas, and I'd like you to know that (along with the entire CotH community) I'm here for you. You have my forum name to PM, my Skype name to message, and you could even catch me in-game to talk. I'm always glad to listen and help out.

Hoping you feel better soon.
[Image: 4ab673a110e5324a7acf57e330a6c8eb.jpg]
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#9
All of you have given me some really good advice and a lot to think about. I'd write a long-winded thank you to all of you for the points each brought up that helped but I'm not good with that sort of thing so I'll just give y'all a big internet hug and say thank you. I do have to say though that I'm 90% sure it isn't clinical depression and that it's just an emotional thing probably compounded from recent problems with friends, potential relationships and the stress from school topped with lack of sleep due to aforementioned school because let's face it, finals are taxing as hell.

I have a niggling feeling in my mind that come end of next week (8 week holiday beginning), I'll likely feel a lot better and once I sort out this emotional stuff. I don't see everything as a constant sadness like nobody likes me because I know I have people who care but things (school) are getting in the way of me being with said people who care.

Once again, THANK YOU to all of you who posted here because you've been really helpful and given me that seed of comfort. I don't think I'll step away from RP because it is something I legitimately enjoy but I'll soon have things to keep me happy as myself!
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#10
Is it too late to reply? Oh well. I would suggest volunteering your time to help those less fortunate than you or I. That's a real kick in the feels.

Sent from the mobile beard via Tapatalk2!
The true test of his choice lies forward.
— The story of the Silithian.


See life through shades of silver.
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#11
Not too late! And hmmm.... never considered that.
“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”
— G.K. Chesterton

Spoiler:
[Image: tumblr_n9hl98KKPd1r4fnslo1_500.gif]

Have a puppy Ruby and a nice day.
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#12
Whenever I had these problems, I just needed to feel some sort of accomplishment of some kind. I usually just did something I was good at, like beating a game on hard mode, it doesn't really have to be anything more than that. I think volunteer work would be great for that since it causes you to feel a deep sense of accomplishment.

As for the loneliness part, I can't really help you there. I've a bunch of friends who try to talk to me about it, but having an adequate amount of friends and finding my own Miss Right at age 16 I can never relate to them. I can however tell you that their problems always solved themselves.

Live your life and things may get better, stay in bed and I can tell you without a doubt that everything will stay the same. Just remember that in the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
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#13
I can kind of relate to the 'RP characters being like a sensor' thing. I am pretty sensitive to some things, myself. We all have likes and dislikes, of course. Everytime I think of something saddening that's happened or is currently happening to one of my characters, Aneril, for example, that winds up bringing a tear to my eye. In the case of the former, his perception of his family (LIVING family, mind you,) became so similar to mine for a few hours, that I could not help but realize it and somehow break down from that. Thinking your family hates you from saying one little jab that really just meant no harm.

And Corvus, try getting some help, or find some sort of release for that loneliness. Try speaking to some friends at school. Hang out with people during lunch. Stuff like that.
Perhaps it is your imperfection that which grants you free will, that allows you to persevere against cosmically calculated odds. You prevailed where the Titans' own perfect creations have failed.

- Algalon, The Observer

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i am sea-bass
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