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Ioshten [Blood-elf mage]
#1
Player: Herastean

Character Full Name: Ioshten Duskfall

Character In-Game Name: Ioshten

Nickname(s): Io, Miss Barbecue

Association(s): Silvermoon & Dalaran

Race: Blood-elf

Class: Mage

Skills and Abilities: Ioshten is an arcane theorist, even though her knowledge allows her to use a wide variety of spell from different colleges and even create small spells of her own, her overall powers are limited by her young age.

Age: 119

Sex: Female

Hair: Red

Eyes: Green

Scale/Height: 5'9" (1.0)

Weight: 132 lbs (1.0)

Usual Garments/Armor: Io's often seen wearing a dark red robe with a hood over her face. A mask made of molten lava is covering her face without, obviously, hurting her. Representing a skull, it serves no other purpose than show off with magic.

Other: N/A

Alignment: N/A

Personality: Ioshten is a calm, thoughtfull and young magician. While tolerant, friendly and relatively willing to help, her fascination of fire and her role of battle-mage can lead her to fight her enemies without any mercy and, while trying not to kill and instead capture her enemies, she'll have no trouble injuring them badly and enjoy her superiority. Curious and good student, she enjoys learning and teaching.

History: There goes Ioshthen, the fourth and last daughter of the Duskfall family. Just look at her running with her arms charged with books, her weak ankles fying off like crazy beasts at the end of her legs. Even with a robe on, it looks like she has too many knees and not enough muscles. That's the life for a fourth child, one of the two girls, sister of two older brothers. Not a complicated or bad family. Simple jobs, like tailors or butchers. Really, the parents were happy of their children... Even Ioshten, even though her tendency to burn everything unwillingly as a child made them rather worried, but they could find a solution easily.

Look at her runni-.. Tripping, what ever. Just look at her, trying to look proud in her magical-student robes while trying to reach her class in time for the lecture. The magical university of Dalaran. That sounded like a good thing to the magical experts of Silvermoon when two parents rushed in to know how to keep their daughter from blowing up the house. It sounded obvious that placing a group of dangerous children together and far away from their parents for some months and then years would do them good and represented no serious troubles. After all, the university's walls are big enough to resist explosions. Lessons about what magic is, could be and how to control it. Lectures about the arcanes, the branches of magic, alchemy, spell making and much more, this place was a second home to Ioshten and she enjoyed every bit of it.

An intelligent girl. Not so bright when emotion comes to her, but a good student nevertheless. Even though the mages in Silvermoon agreed that she had a great potential and that she could, indeed, join Dalaran's university, her young age denied her entrance. Not because of Dalaran's standards, but because of the blood-elf mages' desire to evaluate her skills to let her grow with her own people. She was a good student. Not that patient but dedicated and capable of learning. Reaching adulthood, Ioshten was denied entrance to Dalaran once more, but because of something unexpected : the Third War. There's no need to go into greater detail of the battle itself for she did not take part in it and was lucky enough to be part of the survivors. It'd take a few years of reconstruction and pain for her to be sent off with a recommandation letter, her mage clothes and a brand new staff to the flying city of Dalaran for some more hours of studies and training as a fifth year student.

Look at her, the 119 years old student, running in the corridors and sending a fireball to blast the door opened and, without paying attention to the rest of the students, jumping for cover and out of her way, enter the wrong class room... Turning on the spot with her arms full with her favorite arcane books and notes, she'd eye a bewitched broom pass-by...
"Oh..." she said. Indeed, "oh." Pouting and frowning, Ioshten turned on the spot and producing a soft "pop!", vanished only to reappear in a room full of quiet students, glancing up to make sure this was the good one. Nobody minded her, it always happenned with Ioshten... Waving his left hand around, the teacher just sent her off to the seat on his left. "I'm surprised, you're only two minutes late... Please proceed with the board and we'll start." Nodding, Ioshten glanced at a piece of chalk and, producing a few "Oooh" from the first-years students, lift it up by mind power and started to reproduce complicated drawings and texts...

Yeah, look at this poor girl, in her last year of magical studies, for she might be an interesting fellow to look upon...
Yorrick Von Überwald - Night-Watch member, Alliance soldier, Worgen hunter, adventurer and cuddly mass of muscles and fangs at times.

All dem alts :
Altaally - Super spacegoat from planet Baaaa with hooves that makes "clip-clop".
Emily Arlendel - "Have you heard about the Light yet?" Missionnary and doctor.
Nilsaanai Silverwhisper - Priestess in training and fully clothed elf.
Julia Torl - "Bar fight!" Brawler, brat and inactive charact-.. Eh, oops.
Eleanor Sunbloom - A mage who has no problem passing through doors.
Chayton Thornhands - George, George, George of the Jungle...

Here lies :
Kalisha Lokar, Deacon of the Church of the Holy Light. Wanna be everybody's friend.
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#2
While the biography is amusing, could more information about her history in Dalaran be expanded upon? Is she a new student or old? Dalaran was closed off to the Blood Elves after the Third War until Wrath of the Lich King, when they were admitted by the grace of Aethas Sunreaver (along with the rest of the Horde). If she was at Dalaran during the Scourge, she would've been imprisoned by Garithos, gone to Outland with Kael'thas, etc...
Your stories will always remain...
[Image: nIapRMV.png?1]
... as will your valiant hearts.
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#3
Added a paragraph to resume her life at the Silvermoon university and her departure to Dalaran after the war against the Scourge. It'll remove the huge gap between her birth and the years of training.
Yorrick Von Überwald - Night-Watch member, Alliance soldier, Worgen hunter, adventurer and cuddly mass of muscles and fangs at times.

All dem alts :
Altaally - Super spacegoat from planet Baaaa with hooves that makes "clip-clop".
Emily Arlendel - "Have you heard about the Light yet?" Missionnary and doctor.
Nilsaanai Silverwhisper - Priestess in training and fully clothed elf.
Julia Torl - "Bar fight!" Brawler, brat and inactive charact-.. Eh, oops.
Eleanor Sunbloom - A mage who has no problem passing through doors.
Chayton Thornhands - George, George, George of the Jungle...

Here lies :
Kalisha Lokar, Deacon of the Church of the Holy Light. Wanna be everybody's friend.
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#4
The use of present tense is informal, but seeing that you're giving good biographical information, it's alright.

There's just one thing I want to see addressed, and it's the last paragraph of the history. The one starting with 'Look at her, sending a fireball©. The problem I have with it is that I'm having trouble understanding what's going on there due to the series of actions depicted in this paragraph come out of nowhere and being rather disjointed, making it difficult to follow. A sentence (or a few) about what led her to that series of actions might help clarify what's going on there. Or perhaps you could provide transitions between the many things that are going on in the paragraph.

Aside from that, you've got two spelling mistakes and a small grammar error:

In the personality section, I'm guessing you meant 'battle-mage' not 'battle-wage'.

In the third paragraph of the history, 'Dalaran's standarts' should be 'Dalaran's standards'.

In the height section, 5,9 should be 5'9".
[Image: anim_500.gif]
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#5
Correcting right away!

As for the fireball story... Well, it serves no purpose rather than open the door faster. Might be a litte complicated to understand but this is just to show that's she a bit nuts and lacks patience. I could try to add a bit to it if you want but I find it rather hard without having to change everything.
Yorrick Von Überwald - Night-Watch member, Alliance soldier, Worgen hunter, adventurer and cuddly mass of muscles and fangs at times.

All dem alts :
Altaally - Super spacegoat from planet Baaaa with hooves that makes "clip-clop".
Emily Arlendel - "Have you heard about the Light yet?" Missionnary and doctor.
Nilsaanai Silverwhisper - Priestess in training and fully clothed elf.
Julia Torl - "Bar fight!" Brawler, brat and inactive charact-.. Eh, oops.
Eleanor Sunbloom - A mage who has no problem passing through doors.
Chayton Thornhands - George, George, George of the Jungle...

Here lies :
Kalisha Lokar, Deacon of the Church of the Holy Light. Wanna be everybody's friend.
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#6
The fireball story is fine, it just seems like a sudden jump from the previous paragraph and its information. Establishing when this happened might help. Was it the first day of her fifth year at a new school? If it was, clarifying that would help ease the reader into that moment.
[Image: anim_500.gif]
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#7
Oooh! My bad, I didn't got it at all! Modified it a bit to resettle things in present days (mentioned her current age).
Yorrick Von Überwald - Night-Watch member, Alliance soldier, Worgen hunter, adventurer and cuddly mass of muscles and fangs at times.

All dem alts :
Altaally - Super spacegoat from planet Baaaa with hooves that makes "clip-clop".
Emily Arlendel - "Have you heard about the Light yet?" Missionnary and doctor.
Nilsaanai Silverwhisper - Priestess in training and fully clothed elf.
Julia Torl - "Bar fight!" Brawler, brat and inactive charact-.. Eh, oops.
Eleanor Sunbloom - A mage who has no problem passing through doors.
Chayton Thornhands - George, George, George of the Jungle...

Here lies :
Kalisha Lokar, Deacon of the Church of the Holy Light. Wanna be everybody's friend.
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#8
The coherence of the moment is there at this point, so I'll go ahead and give it Approval!

Wikified!
[Image: anim_500.gif]
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