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Kanne Cassius [Human Warrior]
#16
You're going to want to avoid the use of numerical notation for ages and the like. Please write out numbers in a form as such (ex. 30 years old" should be written as thirty years old.).
[Image: stonetalon-mountains.jpg?w=760]
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#17
(08-31-2013, 02:06 PM)Rini Wrote:
Quote:War cry - By letting out a loud roar, Kanne discourages his enemies and boosts the morale of those that fight on his side.

This sounds a tweensy bit like you're controlling the reactions of other characters. Wording is key, I think, and I'd advise slipping a "possibly" in here some where, otherwise this is worded as though you will make the other players or NPCs no longer desire to fight, which is power-game-eske.

Actually, there are shouts that Warriors have which do exactly these things:

Demoralizing Shout reduces attack power of enemies

Intimidating Shout causes them to flee in fear

Commanding Shout buffs allies HP

and Battle Shout buffs allies attack power.

Since this seems to be a two-for-one deal, I'd rather advise he explain what "discourage" and "boots morale" actually mean!
Your stories will always remain...
[Image: nIapRMV.png?1]
... as will your valiant hearts.
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#18
(08-31-2013, 02:15 PM)CappnRob Wrote:
(08-31-2013, 02:06 PM)Rini Wrote:
Quote:War cry - By letting out a loud roar, Kanne discourages his enemies and boosts the morale of those that fight on his side.

This sounds a tweensy bit like you're controlling the reactions of other characters. Wording is key, I think, and I'd advise slipping a "possibly" in here some where, otherwise this is worded as though you will make the other players or NPCs no longer desire to fight, which is power-game-eske.

Actually, there are shouts that Warriors have which do exactly these things:

Demoralizing Shout reduces attack power of enemies

Intimidating Shout causes them to flee in fear

Commanding Shout buffs allies HP

and Battle Shout buffs allies attack power.

Since this seems to be a two-for-one deal, I'd rather advise he explain what "discourage" and "boots morale" actually mean!

I'm well aware of these skills, yep! However, since combat can be used ICly with other players, spells that have definite effects upon others that would come off in the format "Your character would feel x" are pretty shakey. For example, if you say "Your character would feel cold", that'd be well and dandy, but if you're telling someone's player that their character is having a significant psychological change in regards to the combat roleplay, that's when there should be more careful wording! Grin2
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#19
Updated.
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#20
You've still spelled "Kanne" wrong in a lot of places, could you please fix those up?
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#21
Done. Sorry for that.
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#22
Bumping this up for a second opinion.
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#23
Quote:War Cry: Kanne is prone to screaming at the top of his lungs when entering a fight. Opponents unused to such ferocity in a human might be unsettled, or even outright terrified of him! And if his allies aren't frightened too, such bloodlust might inspire them to fight even greater as well.

Suggested edit.
Quote:[8:53AM] Cassius: Xigo is the best guy ever. he doesn't afraid of anything.
[-] The following 2 users Like Xigo's post:
  • Rini, Cassius
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#24
Done.
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#25
*Another bump up*
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#26
Interesting profile.
You' seek me help?

[Image: vt4s.jpg]
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#27
*Don't you know bump it up? You've got to bump it up.*
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#28
You don't, actually. There's nowhere for it to go. Just let the forum helpers get to it when they get to it. There's no need for profile bumps.
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#29
Apologies for the long delay in replying, denisalex, but we've had a few discussions on the profile. In the end, the conclusion is that some facets of the profile are not plausible and thus must be removed or heavily altered.

The main two problems are the confrontation with the two trolls and the meeting with the warlock.

Combatting two troll warriors in their home environment, as a human with new fighting style and equipment, and coming out the victor is simply not possible. While WoW encourages all races and classes to be equal in strength, the lore says differently; troll berserkers were more than difficult to handle for the humans during the troll wars, and it's the same for Kanne here. Fighting two enemies alone is also an incredibly difficult challenge. I suggest that you either -

a) Change the trolls to be something less dangerous: examples are wild beasts of the jungle, a trollish hunter (as opposed to warrior), or perhaps a goblin bandit.
b) Have Kanne get used to the jungle and his new armour and fighting style, then fight the trolls. We're okay with him killing two of them as long he's in his element - which he isn't in the profile's current rendition.

In regards to the warlock, it's simply a matter of 'does this fit?' We don't think so. The whole episode is very odd, and the denotation of Kanne as a 'chosen one' is a story arc we're not comfortable seeing. Finally, you leave exactly what the warlock means very obscured - fine for IC purposes, not fine for OOC ones. You'll need to be very clear as to exactly what these warlocks want for Kanne, what they'll do, and the extent of his grand destiny. Here's my suggestions:

a) Never happened. Kanne never met the warlock and never got the tattoos, and his resistance to shadow magic is instead explained by an enchantment on his armour or shield.
b) You outline exactly what the warlock wants and what Kanne's 'destiny' is, and we'll work from there.

Again, apologies for the long wait, and I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Take as much time as you like deciding where you want to go with the character.
[Image: RtK7PiZ.png]
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#30
I fixed the jungle problem, but the warlock one still awaits suggestions. I would like to keep the story (if allowed, of course) but I need some advices on how to explain it better for OOC purposes.
So this means that some help would be totally appreciated, if possible.
Thanks!
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