Conquest of the Horde

Are your alts ready to fight in the biggest, most sensational tournament since Varian Wrynn fought that guy in that comic that nobody read? Will they find themselves in the winner's circle, holding the coveted Surry-Bowl, or on the sidelines, watching the action? Either way, they will thank whatever (probably dead) parents they have for giving birth to them in time to experience the action, the excitement, and the corporate sponsorship of the greatest event in Azerothian athletics!


Set in the bustling settlement of Forest Song, mere yards from the Warsong menace, enjoy the hospitality of the Oathkeepers once more, and see the greatest warriors of the Alliance do battle! The tournaments will begin at 2:00 PM server-time, on Saturday, September 11th!

If you would like to know more about the format of the event, this link would be happy to provide you with further explanation, and will probably throw in a complimentary snow-cone, to boot.

Speaking of complimentary, the Surry-Bowl II is brought to you by...

Gnoma-Cola: The technologically-advanced beverage.

If you would like to help sponsor the Surry-Bowl, send a self-addressed envelope with two or three stamps and a couple of bucks to cover the gas to:

• Seraphim
  Seraphim's PM Inbox
  Coth Forums, The Internet, 13371

*Also, if you would be at all interested in performing during the half-time at this year's Surry-Bowl, send a similar envelope to the same address, but include a headshot, an armshot, maybe a knee-shot or two, and a demo CD. Surienna had arranged for the entertainment, but it seems that they were eaten by a Devilsaur. She then attempted to get the Devilsaur to perform, as a condolence, but he is apparently screening his mailbox.

After the break, we'll talk about strategies for sticking at the top of the key, and Serenwylde will be in the studio to tell us how her life was changed after winning last year's Surry-Bowl. Stay tuned!

Edit: Note the changed time! It seems the person responsible for scheduling, who isn't me at all, in any way, shape or form, forgot how to convert time zones. I give you my assurance that this person, and the horse they rode in on, have been sacked. Thank you!

Oh God. . . Please stop. . . .I'm laughing so hard. So very. . .Very. . .Hard. . . . Goddarn it. I've never been happier about having Fridays off in my entire life. Thanks to that, I can attend.

I would likely attempt to attend, but that depends on if I can manage to stay up long enough...if I can, count in one of my characters for the unarmed fighting.

...wow...

You can count on Serenwylde being there.

Nothing more fun than a crazy, old-fashioned Kaldorei brawl.

Count Aroes there as well

... Rorbin will be there to kick some Elven ass.

Or Eirtahl. Whatever.

Iscaro will probobally be there.

We hope you're strapped into your seats, preferably by some kind of strong rope or metal wire. Forget bungee cords, because this news will make you puke your pants with excitement!

The Surry-Bowl Flying Machine Cam has taken wing above the tourney grounds to give you a special sneak peek of the finished stadium. Also, we have the Gnome responsible for the design, and we'll be asking him the questions you want the answers to!

Not 'Why are the hot dogs so expensive,' though. He isn't quite sure on that, and neither are we.

Without further delay, let's start in with those pictures!











Now, in the studio with us is Hemrin Tinkertonk, the acclaimed engineer who designed and oversaw the construction of the Surry-Bowl Stadium in Forest Song.

How are you, Hemrin?

Engineer Tinkertonk: "Can't complain, Jim! Really can't."

I'm glad to hear that, considering that your race is the victim of its own rampant technological overdevelopment, with nothing but an irradiated city to show for your hundreds of years of research and discovery.

Engineer Tinkertonk: "..."

Now, what was your initial design for the stadium? How did you think of it?

Engineer Tinkertonk: "Well, honestly, Phil, I thought of it when I was eating breakfast one day. I was eating a bowl of Crunchy Grain Cubes, when my gyrometric table started bucking wildly! I later found that it was an error in the kinetic interface system, but that isn't the point-"

Mmh. I imagine that your bowl spilled.

Engineer Tinkertonk: "Well, yes! Which, in terms of breakfast, is a catastrophic failure. I was about to torch the table for just that reason, when I realized that the perfect shape for the stadium would be a semi-sphere! An upside-down bowl, so to speak. I drew up the design, which ended up around 800 feet high at the top, with geometric solar facilitators which would allow trace amounts of light to control the internal temperature of the dome. The stairs, which made up for a good three square miles of the design, were to be made out of elasticized ceramic, and the seats would all come with advanced beverage-cooling devices in the arm rests."

And what happened?

Engineer Tinkertonk: "The blue Elf said 'Just put up some friggin' chairs.' She then grabbed the original blueprints from me and ate them."

Ate them?

Engineer Tinkertonk: "Ate them."

I imagine you were pretty crushed.

Engineer Tinkertonk: "..."

Your eye is twitching. Do you want, um... Thank you for being on the program, Hemrin! We really enjoyed having you.

Engineer Tinkertonk: "So, do I get paid for this, or-"

Haha. Hah. Ahhh.

Stay tuned for more coverage of the Explosive Surry Bowl II, or wallow in regret for the rest of your life! The choice is yours!

Welcome back, live, here at the Surry-Bowl stadium! The feeling in the air is one of pure electricity, let me tell you, and there's no one here who isn't ready for a piece of the action! Whether they're here for the fighting, the vendors, or the half-time entertainment, everyone is looking to have a fantastic time.


As you can see, there's a line to get tickets for the event, which is odd, because admission is free and doesn't require a ticket. Nonetheless! There are people stretching as far back as... My word.


Well, at any rate. Since we're here at the grounds, we decided to talk to one of the vendors at this year's Surry-Bowl, Dougal McGreggor of McGreggor's Kilt Emporium!

Hello, Dougal, nice to finally meet you!

McGreggor: "Och! Buy a kilt, ya pansy, or I'll rip out yer eyeballs an' use 'em fer cufflinks!"

You don't have cuffs. Or Sleeves. You're really just wearing a kilt, and some kind of horrible, violent-looking pauldrons.

McGreggor: "Those're where I keep th' organs of th' paple who won't buy a sodding kilt! Buy one! They're cheap!"

Well. Thank you, Dougal! It was a pleasure talking with y-

McGreggor: "Oi! Buy a kilt or sod off, ya fairy!"

Ah, yes.

Quaint.

On a slightly different vein, we also heard just recently... Oh, I'm getting an update on my radio... Yes! The rumors are true! The all-female band, The Sentinels, have been contracted to play at this year's Surry-Bowl Halftime event! Fantastic!

Not only that, but judging by the cheers coming from the line... They're here! I can see them, and they look to be coming in on matching Nightsabers. I'm going to see if I can catch up to them, and ask a few questions of these three intrepid young ladies!

(The sound of running and labored panting ensues.) Man... (More panting.) I should've... Rolled Worgen...

Sentinels! Sentinels!

Tysha (Vocals): "No autographs, please!"

Kyra: (Rhythm): "Oh, c'mon, Tysha!" (She giggles.) "Here, have a shirt! It's made to look like we signed it, at least!"

Keldara ("Throat-Strings"?): "..."

No, ladies, I- Oh, y'know, that is a really nice fit. But, no! I'm with NESPN! Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Kyra: (Rhythm): "NESPN? Non-Elegant Short Person Nudity?"

Tysha (Vocals): "Never Eat Sand Pears, Nobundo?"

Keldara ("Throat-Strings"?): "..."

No, we... Suffice it to say, we're covering the Surry-Bowl! Is it true that you're performing at the halftime show? Do you know what song you're going to play?

Tysha (Vocals): "We haven't decided yet. But whatever it is, it will rock your socks, melt your faces, and give your eardrums a 20 DKP plus!"

... What... What does that mean, exactly? That last one.

Kyra: (Rhythm): "We dunno!" (Another giggle.) "Girl power!"

Keldara ("Throat-Strings"?): "..."

Well, there you have it. This is easily shaping up to be the most exciting Surry-Bowl yet. For those who can't make it to the tournament, stay tuned, and we'll be there to add stupid, meaningless commentary as you watch! See you there, folks!

((Just a quick post to say that the event is postponed until this Saturday at 2, server time. Thank you.))

That was simply terrific. No, spectacularly so.

From the thread to the actual event itself, just gorgeous.

Very well done Seraph!

I wish I had an alliance character!

Thank you to everyone that came! I really appreciate the kind words. <3

For those who requested them, here are the lyrics to "7th Legion Army" as sung by the Sentinels. Who I guess are the first Kal'Dorei accapella group in the history of Kalimdor.


And in case it wasn't horrendously obvious, it is a parody of this song:


Would you like to see the Sentinels again at next year's Surry-Bowl? Let me know here what you thought of the half-time, or any other parts of the tourney, so I can make the Surry-Bowl III even more explosive. Have screenshots? Put those up too!

Also, I wanted to note that there was a change in the number of tourneys, largely because the event, as it was, took up six hours. That was never my intention, so we obviously had to cut back on something. Apologies to those who were looking forward to weapon-and-shield. We'll be looking into ways to keep the event to a significantly shorter timeframe, next time around.

Again, a heartfelt thanks to the attendees!