07-18-2011, 03:11 PM
NOTE: Thar be language ahead. There's also some sensitive material, so don't read if you're a bit touchy on some subjects.
Esthrunil swung the door shut behind her, locking it and listening intently as the door clicked, sealed. Noise bubbled in her mind, a scream drowning out all else. It manifested in her stomach, building as a crescendo, flowing through her entire body and causing her fingers to tremble. She stumbled to a seat and collapsed into it under the weight of the howling. It needed to come out. She could barely think straight, anymore.
Insistence. Such so-called pure intentions. Friendship. Feigned kindness. Hollow compliments. For what? Why? Where is the gain?
"What do they want?" The elf spoke calmly to herself, repeating the sentence over and over aloud, rapping her right fist on the side of her head in tune. Finally satisfied, she sat in silence for a great deal of time, holding her head up with her hands, supporting the elbows on her legs.
Why? Why me? Makes no sense. Fools. So much time. So many idle fancies. Such kindness. Why? ... Why? Responded to them. I shouldn't have. Bunch of fools. Either that or devious. And the fucking corpses. Fucking corpses. Devious elves and walking fucking corpses.
"Every- every- every- everyone wants something." She spoke, staring blankly at the floor. She bit her lip at her stuttering and sneered at the ground, biting down harder. The screaming bubbled up and the elf stopped biting down, opening her mouth and letting nothing out.
They will hear. They will come. They will know. No.
The withered husk of an elf closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. With each breath taken during her meditation, nothing was helped. Every moment that passed, the yelling seemed to be suppressed, but shot from her stomach into her lungs, louder and more crippling than before. It was becoming too much to bear within her body - too much to stand. She needed to do something - let it out.
Finally, she broke in. Jumping from her seat, she swung her arms and proceeded to take a stance. Words flowed out of her mouth and finally, she let loose a cone of emerald flame, directed at nothing in particular. She curled it around anything of worth, but kept it going for a good deal of time. She bit her lower lip, hard, as she continued until she felt her wits begin to leave her. When she stopped channeling the spell, nothing was damaged, but she had bitten straight through her lip.
Her arms were trembling, but she didn't feel the howling anymore. She felt... Empty. The casting was cathartic - euphoric, even - but with it over, it left her feeling weak, physically and otherwise.
Failure. Failed. Need to keep your temper. Couldn't do that simple thing. You let everything get to you, don't you?
"I- I- I-..." She stopped speaking, rage bubbling to the surface once more. In a fit of anger, she grabbed for her unwashed dagger, holding the blade up to the side of her neck. She felt the bite of the knife against her skin and began shaking.
Just do it. Come on. Do it. I need to. What's left? Fucking emptiness. Nothing. Can't go on. Another sign of weakness. Should just keep going like nothing's happened. Everything is well.
"I'm... Weak." Hearing the words sent a jolt up her spine. She lowered the dagger, but slammed it into a nearby dining table in a moment of blind fury. She finally felt the weight of her own body, actions and all else as she collapsed into a heap on the ground, deciding to sleep on the floor, bleeding ever-so-slightly from her lip.
She didn't sleep.
Esthrunil swung the door shut behind her, locking it and listening intently as the door clicked, sealed. Noise bubbled in her mind, a scream drowning out all else. It manifested in her stomach, building as a crescendo, flowing through her entire body and causing her fingers to tremble. She stumbled to a seat and collapsed into it under the weight of the howling. It needed to come out. She could barely think straight, anymore.
Insistence. Such so-called pure intentions. Friendship. Feigned kindness. Hollow compliments. For what? Why? Where is the gain?
"What do they want?" The elf spoke calmly to herself, repeating the sentence over and over aloud, rapping her right fist on the side of her head in tune. Finally satisfied, she sat in silence for a great deal of time, holding her head up with her hands, supporting the elbows on her legs.
Why? Why me? Makes no sense. Fools. So much time. So many idle fancies. Such kindness. Why? ... Why? Responded to them. I shouldn't have. Bunch of fools. Either that or devious. And the fucking corpses. Fucking corpses. Devious elves and walking fucking corpses.
"Every- every- every- everyone wants something." She spoke, staring blankly at the floor. She bit her lip at her stuttering and sneered at the ground, biting down harder. The screaming bubbled up and the elf stopped biting down, opening her mouth and letting nothing out.
They will hear. They will come. They will know. No.
The withered husk of an elf closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. With each breath taken during her meditation, nothing was helped. Every moment that passed, the yelling seemed to be suppressed, but shot from her stomach into her lungs, louder and more crippling than before. It was becoming too much to bear within her body - too much to stand. She needed to do something - let it out.
Finally, she broke in. Jumping from her seat, she swung her arms and proceeded to take a stance. Words flowed out of her mouth and finally, she let loose a cone of emerald flame, directed at nothing in particular. She curled it around anything of worth, but kept it going for a good deal of time. She bit her lower lip, hard, as she continued until she felt her wits begin to leave her. When she stopped channeling the spell, nothing was damaged, but she had bitten straight through her lip.
Her arms were trembling, but she didn't feel the howling anymore. She felt... Empty. The casting was cathartic - euphoric, even - but with it over, it left her feeling weak, physically and otherwise.
Failure. Failed. Need to keep your temper. Couldn't do that simple thing. You let everything get to you, don't you?
"I- I- I-..." She stopped speaking, rage bubbling to the surface once more. In a fit of anger, she grabbed for her unwashed dagger, holding the blade up to the side of her neck. She felt the bite of the knife against her skin and began shaking.
Just do it. Come on. Do it. I need to. What's left? Fucking emptiness. Nothing. Can't go on. Another sign of weakness. Should just keep going like nothing's happened. Everything is well.
"I'm... Weak." Hearing the words sent a jolt up her spine. She lowered the dagger, but slammed it into a nearby dining table in a moment of blind fury. She finally felt the weight of her own body, actions and all else as she collapsed into a heap on the ground, deciding to sleep on the floor, bleeding ever-so-slightly from her lip.
She didn't sleep.