05-27-2012, 03:58 AM
Am I the only one that's this negative?
I've been feeling a little bad about myself lately on some regards. I just can't help it sometimes. I get into some event and something feels really wrong or off. I hope I can enjoy it yet something about it bothers me. Sometimes I try to leave feedback about it or discuss with the person what bothers me, but sometimes I'm a little afraid.
I don't know if the other people who go along with it have a problem too. They may not. They may have even more of a problem with someone not liking it. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is the event, or just me. I don't want to dislike an event. I don't want to have a bad time at an event. I don't want to be the only person with a problem, especially if my friends there are having a good time.
Somehow I end up becoming obsessive though and I feel like I'm let down when something like this happens. Like it should be better, or this shouldn't happen, and I want it to be something I like, but now I think it'd be better to duck out. I don't want to be antisocial or obsessive but I guess it just gets me down because I'm so easily hung up and too afraid to be the only one with a problem, and too afraid to ruin everyone else's fun.
I feel like I've made a poor reputation of myself so far because I've always been quick to say what's wrong with X and not think of how Y or Z felt about it. Or maybe there's an elephant in the room and I'm the only one to say it, but it still doesn't look good and it probably wasn't a good idea. I want to stop being the critic or the cynic and I guess I want to enjoy what I'm doing more often. I've been coming across as moody especially in my own event thread and I feel like I've been making myself look like I'm hard to get along with and I don't want to be that kind of person.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess it's just more I've been here for a few years on the server, and I've changed, I think I've become more aware of my behavior and wanting to curb the negative sides of it but I think the "damage" has already been done. I don't want to push everyone away because I'm not feeling good and I want to find more enjoyment on coth with other people.
(And no, this isn't about lore-bending, but more the chemistry of how an rp runs or flow, and other things. I don't want name names or give examples because I don't want to hurt other people over my problems).
I've been feeling a little bad about myself lately on some regards. I just can't help it sometimes. I get into some event and something feels really wrong or off. I hope I can enjoy it yet something about it bothers me. Sometimes I try to leave feedback about it or discuss with the person what bothers me, but sometimes I'm a little afraid.
I don't know if the other people who go along with it have a problem too. They may not. They may have even more of a problem with someone not liking it. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is the event, or just me. I don't want to dislike an event. I don't want to have a bad time at an event. I don't want to be the only person with a problem, especially if my friends there are having a good time.
Somehow I end up becoming obsessive though and I feel like I'm let down when something like this happens. Like it should be better, or this shouldn't happen, and I want it to be something I like, but now I think it'd be better to duck out. I don't want to be antisocial or obsessive but I guess it just gets me down because I'm so easily hung up and too afraid to be the only one with a problem, and too afraid to ruin everyone else's fun.
I feel like I've made a poor reputation of myself so far because I've always been quick to say what's wrong with X and not think of how Y or Z felt about it. Or maybe there's an elephant in the room and I'm the only one to say it, but it still doesn't look good and it probably wasn't a good idea. I want to stop being the critic or the cynic and I guess I want to enjoy what I'm doing more often. I've been coming across as moody especially in my own event thread and I feel like I've been making myself look like I'm hard to get along with and I don't want to be that kind of person.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess it's just more I've been here for a few years on the server, and I've changed, I think I've become more aware of my behavior and wanting to curb the negative sides of it but I think the "damage" has already been done. I don't want to push everyone away because I'm not feeling good and I want to find more enjoyment on coth with other people.
(And no, this isn't about lore-bending, but more the chemistry of how an rp runs or flow, and other things. I don't want name names or give examples because I don't want to hurt other people over my problems).