Am I the only one?

[Wuvvums]

Am I the only one that's this negative?

I've been feeling a little bad about myself lately on some regards. I just can't help it sometimes. I get into some event and something feels really wrong or off. I hope I can enjoy it yet something about it bothers me. Sometimes I try to leave feedback about it or discuss with the person what bothers me, but sometimes I'm a little afraid.

I don't know if the other people who go along with it have a problem too. They may not. They may have even more of a problem with someone not liking it. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is the event, or just me. I don't want to dislike an event. I don't want to have a bad time at an event. I don't want to be the only person with a problem, especially if my friends there are having a good time.

Somehow I end up becoming obsessive though and I feel like I'm let down when something like this happens. Like it should be better, or this shouldn't happen, and I want it to be something I like, but now I think it'd be better to duck out. I don't want to be antisocial or obsessive but I guess it just gets me down because I'm so easily hung up and too afraid to be the only one with a problem, and too afraid to ruin everyone else's fun.

I feel like I've made a poor reputation of myself so far because I've always been quick to say what's wrong with X and not think of how Y or Z felt about it. Or maybe there's an elephant in the room and I'm the only one to say it, but it still doesn't look good and it probably wasn't a good idea. I want to stop being the critic or the cynic and I guess I want to enjoy what I'm doing more often. I've been coming across as moody especially in my own event thread and I feel like I've been making myself look like I'm hard to get along with and I don't want to be that kind of person.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess it's just more I've been here for a few years on the server, and I've changed, I think I've become more aware of my behavior and wanting to curb the negative sides of it but I think the "damage" has already been done. I don't want to push everyone away because I'm not feeling good and I want to find more enjoyment on coth with other people.

(And no, this isn't about lore-bending, but more the chemistry of how an rp runs or flow, and other things. I don't want name names or give examples because I don't want to hurt other people over my problems).

[Kira13]

This will probably sound incredibly cliche'ic, but it's true: admitting it is the first step on the way to recovery. And look, you've already admitted, and are prone to listening. Furthermore, there's this:

(And no, this isn't about lore-bending, but more the chemistry of how an rp runs or flow, and other things. I don't want name names or give examples because I don't want to hurt other people over my problems).

That pretty much shows your 'devotion' to your problem, and the will to change it!


Now for my advice! There's no one, no person, that could tell you what's to be done. You are unique, as is everybody, and have your own way of solving things. The only thing I'd suggest you do --and this has been suggested to myself, too-- is take a break, clear your mind, do something relaxing.

Spoiler:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfY9BJaGzEU

Go run, go do some exercise, play some basketball. Sleep. Meditate. Do something to relax, and do it for a few days.

Another thing that's been suggested to me --since I have a similar problem-- is take some time off from the PC. Like, entirely. If you can't right away, then plan to, and fulfil it! But in the meantime, do whatever it takes to relax.


Hope it helps!!!



EDIT: Oh, and maybe try to enjoy the little things! (Or more, if you already do.)
A great 'training program' for that would be just going in a forest and laying down on the grass/leaves, looking up at the sky and meditating.

Spoiler:

That works for me, at least, but there's no harm in trying!

[Wuvvums]

I've been exercising and doing things other than coth, so I guess I'm disappointed about the few times when I turn to coth I feel like it doesn't work, except when I have Silverfang rp. That stuff's really great.

But I do plan to have more artwork done and I am exercising more. This may seem off topic but I feel like a lot of this spiraled down since I did college online. I didn't have a job or courses or obligations to keep me going through the day. I soon lost my ability and will to stay up all the time. I think it's been like... two weeks ago since I talked about it, realized this, and found out that I -need- a routine. So maybe it's normal to feel a little depressed right now because I'm aware of a problem and trying to pull myself out. I didn't get to rp much yesterday but I was happy to wash the car, do the laundry in town and do a five-frame animation. I may just need to adjust myself because I am going through a shift.

Thanks, Kira.

[Piken]

I understand how you feel with the whole.. Nothing feels right unless it's <guild/group> RP. Felt it with the Gnomeregan storyline way back when, felt it nowadays when it came to Black Harvest and stuff. I personally get into the swing with one character and devote myself to them and have some trouble playing others, and sometimes things just feel off. Especially when I get used to how a specific someone leads events and such. That may not be exactly what you mean.. but hey. I tried. :P

[CappnRob]

I'm... not quite sure what exactly is bothering you. You have an unconscious dislike for the RPs you get into that you can't explain... ? PuG RP not doing it for you? RPs just not going the way you want... ?

All I can really suggest is to not think so hard over that sort of deal. Focus on what you happen to be enjoying, rather than explainable dislikes over stuff you can't even feel comfortable with discussing with others because you know its silly.

Because, really, if you know its silly, and can't even vent over it, then why let it get to you so bad in the first place? Listen to some chill-ass music or something and blow it away.

And hey, if you need someone confidential to rant to (because hey, sometimes we need that, I know I do), hit me up on Skype (mssrobert).

[Harmonic]

I understand what you mean. Sometimes I get that way about RP in general, and it usually happens on WoW. There's times where I cannot accurately explain what's bugging me, but usually it's some small detail that drives me nuts. The thing is, I try to avoid any conflict that could arise from it, as I don't think for myself personally, I can yet handle saying exactly what it is I want to say to try and improve some things.

Usually, I remove myself for a while and then eventually try something else. It's sort of a "bad" approach at things, as I may leave others hanging... but for my own sanity it's working out.

I'm at a point where RP gets sort of... stale. I've had many different conversations, many different fights, many different storylines, but at this point it feels almost re-hashed, and I've seen all that RP can offer... good and bad. At least, for WoW I've seen most of it.

[Wuvvums]

I don't know if it's feeling stale for me too, but I feel like I need something different. The first few roleplays I had were on AIM or yahoo and would just be pages upon pages of adventure text rp. I really want a roleplay that feels like your typical RPG where there's something to follow and places to travel as a group. I got that with Rigley, and Immy too, it's always fun when you can find someone who can set up an adventure roleplay.

[CappnRob]

Adventure RP you says?

We do need more of that >:|

[Dae]

I soon lost my ability and will to stay up all the time. I think it's been like... two weeks ago since I talked about it, realized this, and found out that I -need- a routine. So maybe it's normal to feel a little depressed right now because I'm aware of a problem and trying to pull myself out.

Yeah, some people just feel off without a routine of some sort. I'm also one of these sorts of people. What also helps me is to change something up. Rearrange furniture, make my art in a different room, repaint the wall color, things like that.

I'm pretty sure I get the feeling you're talking about, and I'd bet that its probably more of a life transition affecting you than RP getting old.

At the very least, don't worry about other peoples' feelings right now in RP. From what I understand, you're a loved member of the community here, and if you're having some off RP days and are a little cranky from IRL stuff, other people can just deal with it.

Just do what you need to do to get better IRL.

[Lyraena]

I hate to be that guy who just posts a link to something else, but here:

Adventures in Depression

[Bovel]

I get the feeling, not on events but in quite a lot of the general RP. So I avoid it, ignore it cause it's not my place to comment unless the persons in questions make feedback threads... and then again most people have a really hard time cooping with negative constructive criticism on their threads so I just end up not doing that either.

Yeah, I'm a cynical person ^^