Épreuves de la vie

[SachikoMaeda]

Épreuves de la vie
The Mostly Not too Serious Journal of Doran Goldquill
Though it can be serious if it wants to be.

-Anonymous Quote

I've been thinking a lot about how I ended up where I am now. How things could've ended up... But I have what I have and I should work with it. I'm kinda glad in a way with how things turned out. I've been seeing more of Keyus lately... I kinda wonder where Aydendril is. I haven't seen Ayden in a few months now... I hope he's okay...

Is it bad that I don't miss him as much as I should? I mean, I hope he's okay, but I get to spend more time with Keyus when he's not around...

Even then, I still miss Ayden. I remember the first day I met him. And the few weeks before when I first met Keyus. Back when I was just property to him. Yep. I think a lot of people forgot that I was his slave. Ever since I lost my collar it's been as if I never was that close to him. Eugh... Thinking about not having my collar makes me nervous... Very nervous... But anyways, I met Keyus quite a few months ago when I was walking along through Stranglethorn Vale. Don't think I'll be going back there. Some troll ambushed me and said he was going to sell me to whoever. Weird, right? Well, I got dragged back to Booty Bay. After a few days, Keyus bought me.

He freaked me out back when I first met him. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. I mean, he could've done anything! But he seemed to be kinda nice. He'd hit me if I acted up... But looking back on it, I kinda earned it. After he owned me for two days, he got that collar made for me. Back before I died, I never took it off... I hope I get it back soon. I'm sure Larenir will give it to me when he comes back. Annabelle said Lare has it. I know he'll take care of it for me. But like I was saying, Keyus was really nice. Even if other people were mean to him just because he's a Death Knight. Well. At least he was nice to me. He even bought me cake once! Cake is my favorite!

I had a lot of fun back then. I got to go places. Just me and Keyus. No one else. Well. Sometimes. We didn't bring Aydendril along until he showed up out of nowhere. I woke up from my sleep one night and he was right there talking to Keyus with Arilyn! I had no clue who he was, but he threatened me when Keyus left. Ayden kinda scared me back then. No where near as bad as Ralerian scares me. Eugh Ralerian is creepy.

Though he's creepy... He seems kinda nice at times...

Must be my imagination. Oh well. Aenin said he's nice sometimes... Buh. Aenin. What a jerk he's been lately. He's lucky he's my friend otherwise I wouldn't even bother with him. It's not fair how he's been acting. I try so hard to help him and he doesn't budge when I help. I think he's mad at me for being with Larenir... Even when I tried to approach him and be nice to him like I am to Lare, he pushed me away. Yet he pretty much begged for me to be with him before! What gives?! Ugh. What ever. If he changes his mind, go ahead. I'm not a meanie face like he can be. I'll talk to Anna more about him. She kicked his ass pretty hard the other night. I think he needs another ass kicking...

I hope he gets better. He's almost nothing like how he was before. I miss the old Aenin. I liked him better. This Aenin's just a jerk. I should tell Keyus about.... No. No I shouldn't. I don't hate Aenin. Wouldn't be nice to tell Keyus that. Oh well. I need to find out where Lare went. He should be back by now... If he doesn't come back soon, I might have to go to... Uh.... Ralerian... Eugh... Thinking about it creeps me out... I hope I don't have to go alone... Maybe Ayden will show up and he'll go with me! That'd be great!

I'll probably write more later. I need to go find where Larenir is. I really miss him...

[SachikoMaeda]

Yesterday was by far one of the worst days I have ever had. I had received a letter saying I had to meet someone at the tavern in Hearthglen. I thought it was a latter from the Argents... Turned out it was Ralerian. He told me that Larenir is dead

<The next five lines or so seem to have been scratched out beyond recognition>

and then Ralerian said he would teach me how to defend myself with Shadow. I asked about Ayden... He said that Ayden abandoned me like he did him. Hrm... I don't know if I should believe him... But I'll do as Ralerian says if it was what Larenir would have wanted. Hm. I kinda regret not telling Ralerian more about Aenin then.

After what Aenin did to me he had the audacity to turn me away when I came to him. I dunno. he seemed pretty damn set on separating me and Larenir so me and him could be together. I go to him and he says he sees me more like a little brother! What the f

<What seems to be a very long rant loaded with all sorts of obscenities is scratched out>

if he thinks I'm just going to sit around after that, then he's got another damn thing coming. I sat around and watched Keyus and Ayden be happy and I'm not going to sit around and watch someone else rip my damn heart out. Hrmph. I'll talk to Anna about it when I get the chance. Ralerian said for me to do it anyways.

I saw Urameil yesterday too. I told him about Larenir... He didn't believe me. But he also said it's possible Lare is still alive. I like the thought of that. We're going to go search soon. I know Ralerian won't like that... But there's always hope, right? Or maybe I was cursed by that lady Azziri. Before I went to bed last night I met this guy in Hearthglen. He seemed really nice. He said he would teach me some things. Not sure what that meant... But anyways. He went to go get some papers or something and didn't come back. I went to investigate why he didn't come back and I found him dead in a house. All mangled up. I freaked out and went to go get help.

I hope they find out who did that. It's bad when I feel safe being in the same building as Ralerian. Hrm... I hope Keyus shows up soon. He needs to get his gift.

[SachikoMaeda]

Last night was great! I saw Arilyn for the first time since my resurrection! She seems to really like Zalyen too. She even pointed out he looks a lot like Aydendril! I miss Ayden. Ralerian said he abandoned us... But oh well. I'm sure he'll show up right when I get too close to Keyus again. Like he did last time. He must be psychic or something. But we all had a pretty good time. Arilyn even got to meet Anna too! Anna's so smart. Even if she is a third my age she knows so much more then me.

This morning I went back to my usual post out in Hearthglen. Stood there for a few hours. You know, peacekeeping when I'm not busy sewing. I'm thinking about making some new outfits. I wonder if Keyus likes to wear robes... I think he'd look nice in a white robe with some blue trim. A little Quel'dorei, but it would look nice with his hair and eyes. But I guess it depends if he likes robes... If not, perhaps some pants and a nice long sleeved shirt. Maybe a nice hat. Hmm... All the possibilities! I'll have to design something and see if I can remember his sizing. Shouldn't be that hard. The only part that would be tricky would be the pants. Er.. Don't wanna make it too loose by accident. Make what to loose?... Uhm... Nrgh. I know what it is. Not like anyone else would be reading this. If they were reading it, then they're a pervert for thinking I was thinking about that, because I wasn't! Honestly! Ohman. Now Anyone who reads it will know what I was thinking about. I MEAN NOT THINKING ABOUT!

... I think I'll just be quiet now and get back to sewing...

[SachikoMaeda]

Larenir came to me last night in my sleep. He looked so happy. His eyes were blue as if he'd never taken in fel. Well, he said that I shouldn't be sad that he's gone because he never left me for a second. Ever since I woke up it's been almost like there's someone standing behind me. The feeling hasn't gone away once. I think he's right behind me. It's weird... But I like it. It makes me happy. I don't panic near as much anymore since I know he's always there looking out for me.

I just have to remember what Anna said. Just because I can't touch them doesn't mean they're not here. Hm... Well, I think I'll make something for Larenir so he knows I'm thinking about him still! He liked that green robe I made him... Well. I'm still going to try and find out where he is so he can have the proper funeral he deserves. I'll leave Hearthglen for a while to go and do that. A mage can make me a portal there once I'm ready, but first I think I'll go to Silvermoon.

---

I was looking around this one shop in the Bazaar and found this neat doll. Black hair. Green eyes. Even a green robe on it! He looked just like Lare! So creepy. I used the last of my money to buy it. There's got to be some odd higher meaning to all of this. Seems today has been all about Lare. Hm... Maybe I would still have some money left if I didn't buy all of those sewing supplies earlier. Well, I should get back home and put this stuff away. I'm sure people are going to think I'm weird writing this in a book while holding a doll. They'll think I'm some sort of kid left unattended! I don't want that!

I just hope Ralerian doesn't think I'm some weirdo for buying this. Hrm. I honestly don't really care what he thinks about it. He doesn't seem to scare me as much as he used to. Maybe that's a good thing... But he does still scare me, don't get me wrong.

[SachikoMaeda]

This river... I haven't left it since I got here. It feels like Larenir is sitting right next to me. Like... I could reach out and touch him. But he isn't there. I think he's in the river somewhere. I don't know what to do from here. Keyus should show up eventually. Or Ralerian. People have ways of showing up when I need them.

Larenir said I shouldn't be sad, but I am right now. I'm sitting by this freaky river. I don't feel like I'm alone, but as soon as I look around I'm reminded that I am. Keyus has Ayden, Aenin has whoever the fel he decides is better than me... And Larenir's gone. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do...

I just want to see Larenir again. One last time at least. I have to find where he is, but I can't search this river by myself. So... I have to wait. I can write, but there's nowhere near by for me to send a letter. I know if I keep out of contact long enough, Keyus will show up. He can find me where ever I go thanks to those tattoos. Hmm...

Maybe Urameil will show up. I know he'd help me find Lare.

But for now I'll continue to sit with Lare. I know he's here...

[SachikoMaeda]

Arilyn came last night. Larenir and I weren't alone for the first time in a while. I don't think she believed me when I told her that I was absolutely sure Larenir was here... Well. She said that she would help me find him. She's a good tracker. She can always find me wherever I go. Though I should probably tell her where I go and save her the worry. She doesn't deserve to worry. She's one of the nicest people I know. So much like my mom...

I haven't thought about my parents in so long. I barely remember them... They were nice. I don't even remember their faces. I only remember the day I woke up and found them dead... I wonder if they ever found who killed them. It was before the wars, so it must've been a random act of violence. Oh well. I just hope Arilyn stays safe. She's more of a mom to me now than anyone could ever be. It's not fair that her son died though. From what she told me, I would have loved to have met him. She said he looked a lot like Ayden, so at least I know what he looked like.

But we talked about all sorts of things. Her voice seems to be getting much better too. She doesn't have to constantly write notes to talk to me anymore. We decided we're going to beat up Ayden when he comes back for making us worry all the time. And that it would be great if Keyus came back and stayed. I wonder what's kept him so busy for so long...

Anyways, I woke up this morning by the river just like yesterday morning. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with Larenir's death. He seems to finally have found peace... If he really is dead, that is. Arilyn says I can't trust Ralerian... And I know Keyus won't like me being around him. I have the feeling he knows where Ayden is. And if Larenir really is alive, he knows where Lare is also. I have to find out what he knows one way or another. Keyus and Arilyn will understand, I'm sure. Ayden always told me to grow up and be a man. I'll prove to him I can too be an adult and help people! Even if I can't prove myself with the Argent Crusade... Oh well. At least I get to see Anna more when I'm in Hearthglen. Big Sister Anna always helps me out!

And maybe I'll get back to learning from Urameil soon. But I should be more careful with my fel intake. <The handwriting is noticeably shaky> I don't want the paladins to try and purge me.... Again.... No. Not again. Bad. Bad thought. Not here. No. Not here. Anywhere but here. I should go. Here is bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. No. Can't leave Larenir. He's close. Paladins may hurt him too. Bad. Bad. Bad. Keyus is right. Light is bad. It hurts. It killed me, Urameil, and probably Larenir too. Arilyn is right. Dalikan Godford will pay.

[SachikoMaeda]

Ralerian confuses me more every day I am around him. I never know what to think of him. He seemed so ready to teach me things, but then he says he won't teach me anything until I... Do things. This soon after Larenir is gone? Who does he think I am! I can't possibly do that when I still feel for Lare! And Keyus has to approve any relationship I have! He wasn't happy at all when I mentioned Keyus. He told me to run... And so I did. Happily. Once I could move my legs. He terrified me. I thought I was going to wet myself. I guess that's what I get for leaving the river.

I need to find Keyus before Ralerian makes me do something I'll regret. I really don't want to have to follow the man I've been told to never trust by Keyus, Arilyn, and Ayden. May they have mercy on me if I do something stupid. I always do something stupid. I just hope they understand why I do what I have to do. The only reason I'm around Ralerian is simply because it was what Larenir wished. At least... That is what I was told. I'll do as Lare wished for the sake of his memory and I'll hope that it is truly what he wanted. Ralerian better be right. Larenir better not feel pain wherever he is. And I hope I d not break his heart if I find another.

But they always tell me I have to move on. Hrm. Ralerian is a weirdo. Just gotta remember. I'm not safe around Ralerian. He might do something weird, mean, or just plain hateful. Didn't he hurt Ayden all those times he went to Ralerian for help? And he threatened me if I needed help... It's weird. And why is he so oddly nice to me? He knows I love Keyus and I know he hates Keyus. There's no way we could possibly get along n that. Hrm. Next time I see Anna I'll have to talk to her. She's not afraid of Ralerian at all. Oh well.

[SachikoMaeda]

"This is Shadowmoon Valley, Doran. I want you to train here for a week," a tall, slender male elf with crimson hair said with his arms tightly crossed. He untucked one of his arms, waving a hand about and gesturing to the dark fel infested lands, "There's plenty of fel here in case you're just that untalented and didn't notice."

"No, I noticed. How can I not notice it? It's everywhere?"

"Good. That's the point," the elf gave a quick nod as he began walking without a signal. His auburn robes matched his hair wonderfully. It worked with his frame perfectly and exaggerated the movements of his legs. It was almost as if he danced his way across the dark soil. "When we are done here, we can go back to Dalaran. Do your best not to die. I would simply dread having to listen to Keyus complain."

"I... Don't plan on dying... So... Uh... Where are we going to go after we're done in Shadowmoon?"

The man didn't respond. He simply kept on walking with his head held high, not once glancing down to his student. He looked as if he hadn't slept in so long. He closed his eyes as he walked on, interlacing his fingers behind his back. Suddenly, he stopped. Words spoken quietly escaped his lips, "Just do what you are supposed to do and everything will be fine."



I had a dream about Ayden last night. I haven't seen him in so long. I almost forgot what he looks like. It was from the time he took me out to Shadowmoon Valley. Keyus didn't go with us... I wish he had come with us though. Not because anything bad happened, but because I could write about him too. Well. I can always writ about Keyus, but I think it's more fitting to write about Ayden. I wonder where he is right now. Is he okay? Did he make sure to drink plenty of water? Can I make a better healthstone than him now?

Now I'm sure he'd either say "I can take care of myself, I don't need you worrying about me" or completely spazz out with "Oh you really do care about me!" or something. There's no telling with him! Even if I was jealous of him almost all the time... I do miss him. Urameil's great, but Ayden's my teacher. And... Well. He's kinda like a dad to me too. I look up to him. He's one of the strongest people I know! I remember back when he came to us all injured... When he said that Ralerian was the one that had hurt him, I freaked out. It's really one of the only reasons I'm afraid of Ralerian. If he did that to Ayden... And I'm weaker than Ayden...

But anyways, I really am thankful to have met Ayden. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have ended up with Larenir. Or I might not've met Anna. Sure he can be a little snooty and hog all of Keyus's attention, but I kinda miss it. He's given me so much whether or not he's aware of it. I don't think I've given him enough back. What do I give him? A new robe? But if Ralerian's a tailor and his dad, then maybe Ayden knows how to sew. Mmmh. No wait. No he doesn't! I had to fix his robes before! They were really well made robes. Maybe Ralerian made them. I wore a robe made by Ralerian once... I don't think he liked that I wore it...

Maybe I'll wear it again some day to see. I still have it luckily! I've taken care of it. The quality of the robe is just amazing! I've been trying to figure out how he got the stitching so perfect... Maybe he'll teach me some of that one day! Hm... I still need to talk to Keyus about Ralerian wanting to teach me. He hasn't taught anything to me yet. He said he won't until I "take out my frustration".... And.... I really don't want to do that so soon.

[SachikoMaeda]

Trees. Everywhere. It's almost like they touch beyond the sky from how tall they are. I'm laying down on cool grass, staring up at the leaves and how the sunlight made such beautiful beams of light from between the dark green needles. The air was warm, the breeze gentle and cool. The sound of birds singing made the setting perfect. Not too loud, yet just audible enough to know they're there. I know this place. We had spent a month up here alone.

Grizzly Hills, Northrend. Just outside Camp Oneqwah.

I looked to my side to see Larenir there. He stared up at the sky just like I was but with a large smile painted across his face. He had his arms folded behind his head, one leg folded over the other. His foot bounced lightly to the rhythm of the birds' songs. "It's so nice here," he spoke, not looking away from the sky, "I hope it stays like this forever."

"It won't be like this forever..."

Larenir looked to me slowly, his smile not fading. He must not have heard me. "Just you and me. Up here all by ourselves. Nothing can change that, you know."

"It will change. Urameil will come by any minute. And so will Keyus, Ayden, and Arilyn. We're going to leave Northrend soon."

He threw his hands forward, pulling himself up to sit. Hugging his legs and resting his cheek on his knees, he kept his green eyes on me, "We can do whatever we want and no one can stop it."

"Someone did stop it. In Deadwind pass. Don't you remember it? Why aren't you listening to me?"

Suddenly it was night. Cold. The birds stopped singing. The wind howled throughout the dreary scenery. The trees were dead, branches swaying with each noisy gust. I looked around only to see the grey land barely illuminated by the moon. A bridge. Far below it a river. Urameil was at my side now. Ahead? A human male on a horse.

"Now, Doran. Show me what you've learned," Urameil said with his arms crossed, "He won't let us pass, so we will have to move him."

"No, we need to just turn away! We can go through another day!"

He didn't answer me. He just kept staring off at the human. I was terrified. I wanted to run, but my legs didn't move. I wanted to breathe, but my throat locked up. I wanted to fight... But I would die again. I heard Larenir's voice, even though he wasn't there. He spoke in a sing-song sort of way, "If you need me, I'll be right behind you, you know."

"You're not there, stop lying to me," I barely managed to say.

"I'll be right behind you."

I turned around quickly just to prove to myself he wasn't there. And to prove him. The scenery changed yet again. A small town that looks to have been constructed by humans. The land seemed almost like it was sick. Hearthglen, Western Plaguelands. Larenir wasn't there, but a human girl with black hair and freckles stood there. She seemed pretty well dressed, her eyes blocked by goggles. Annabelle. She crossed her arms quickly, "How much longer are you going to keep crying about this?"

"I'm not crying! I'm just-"

"Just what? Moping? Same thing. Crying won't solve anything and neither would moping," she shook her head, "How many times have I told you to stand up? You've got your own two feet. Stand up and use them for once."

"But I-"

"No 'but's. Just move on and quit crying. What would Keyus say if he saw you spending all day crying and writing bad poetry?"

"But I..." I looked behind Anna for just a moment.

Keyus was standing there. Not happy. I could tell he wasn't and it was somehow my fault. Before he could say anything, he was gone.




No matter what, I can't change the past. Larenir is dead and I can't change that. Even if I could, it's too late now. Ralerian was right after all. Mourning him for so long would only dishonor him and I wouldn't want that. He will still be with me no matter what, but I have to move on. Crying won't fix anything. I'm letting go and not thinking about his death anymore. He was happy. Ralerian says he feels no pain. That I can live with. I won't be sad. I'll be happy now. I think I can walk now like when he was with me.

<There's a few squiggly lines, as if the writer was thinking about what to write next>

When did I write poetry? I never wrote any poetry! I'm bad at writing! And why would she say my poetry's bad anyways? She didn't read it because I didn't write it! I think I'll go talk to Anna some time soon. I'll head back to Hearthglen once I'm done finding some fabric in Silvermoon. I need to make some new clothes.

[SachikoMaeda]

My back is so sore. Yesterday was too eventful. I decided that before I went back to Hearthglen I'd travel around Kalimdor to try and clear up my mind. While stopped in the Crossroads I met a couple of odd Tauren. I could barely understand what they were saying. Seems like they were talking in riddles or something. One of them said something like walking sideways and calling on "the crawler spirit" whatever that means. He was more focused on talking to my Hawkstrider Felo'melorn than anything...

Anyways. I saw Aenin again. We argued. Apparently he forgot I belong to Keyus... Well. Even if Keyus says he doesn't see me as a slave anymore. He, by all technicality, still owns me. Aenin beat me up saying if I was a slave, I was just an object and it would be no different than hitting a tree or a training dummy. I don't know why he'd do that! He knocked me on the ground and didn't quit until I told him no one owned me. Once I did that, he grinned and gave me a kiss, told me I was free, then walked off. I didn't have a chance to chase him down... But... Eh...

Ah. I got a letter from Keyus. I had told him about how I joined the Argent Crusade and that I'd be in Hearthglen a lot now. Well, he replied.

A letter is tightly folded to fit just between the lines.

Doran,

What?

-Keyus

Maybe my wording was just wrong or something... Well, I need to go to Hearthglen now. I told him I'd meet him there so I can explain everything better than that letter could. Maybe he can tell me what to do about Ralerian too. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's s smart. I bet he'll have an answer for everything! Well, I better get to traveling. I won't be back to Hearthglen until nightfall.

I wonder if I should tell him about Aenin beating me up... But I don't want Aenin to get in trouble. He owes me for that I guess. Or maybe he had a point. Guess I won't tell people Keyus owns me anymore.

[SachikoMaeda]

The trip back to Hearthglen was delayed by a storm out in Hillsbrad. I hope Keyus is still waiting for me in Hearthglen. I sent him a letter knowing what happened. I know I told him I'd be in Hearthglen, but I can't really control where I'm needed. And I really did need to think things over. He'll understand I'm sure. He tends to understand...

I'm just glad he's not mad at me. I remember when there was that misunderstanding between me and Ralerian... He thought I wanted Ayden dead... Keyus was so mad at me... I never want that to happen again.

While I was in Hillsbrad, I managed to hide from the storm thanks to this human family. They thought I was a Quel'dorei mage. Fel. If it got me out of the storm, I went with it. My hood must've hidden my eyes the whole time. They were a really nice family. Gave me food and a place to sleep for the night. I kinda wish someone else was with me though. I really hate traveling alone. If I run into another Demon Hunter... I don't think Aenin would come to save me again. And Keyus can't tell if I'm in danger or not... And I don't think Ayden would go out of his way to stop a Demon Hunter...

Long story short, I hate being alone. I know Anna said I'm never really alone and people are always with me, but it's just not the same. At least that blanket Keyus got me is amazingly soft and warm. I wonder how much he paid to have that enchantment put on it. Time to get back to Hearthglen. Now that the storm has passed I can get back to traveling.

[SachikoMaeda]

Aydendril... I missed you so much. I saw him today in Caer Dorrow. It broke my heart when he said he couldn't come with me. I told him Keyus was in Hearthglen waiting for me and that he should come too. He told me he couldn't leave... But he's one of the strongest people I know! He can do anything!... Right? He told me not to get Keyus involved I think... Before I left I told him that Uramei and I died and got revived, but Larenir was gone. he might've tried to hide it, but I saw him crying.

Don't worry, Ayden! I'll prove to you I've gotten stronger! I'll get you away from that ugly bat Sangreala! For now I should probably set up camp. I'm almost to Hearthglen, but it started to rain again. I need to think more now about what to tell Keyus. I want so badly to let him know where Ayden is, but he doesn't want Keyus involved...

Ayden... Where'd you go for so long anyways? You're my big brother kinda like a dad too and I don't want anything to happen to you! And Arilyn misses you too. You need to visit her some time!...

... And I forgot that I told Arilyn I'd smack him for making her worry. I was too focused on hugging him... I guess once I get camp set up I'll work on making some clothes. That'll help me clear my mind...

<There are a few crude drawings on the page. The only details being a few robe designs. One of them is circled a few times>

That one would look best on Ayden. Maybe if it was red... Black trim. Green accents. It would look nice on him. I'll make it and hope I get the right sizes! Maybe I can alter the design to work on Keyus also.... Hmm... One of them might look good on Aenin even. Don't know if he's a robe person or not.... I'm not getting back into the same discussion I had when trying to figure this out for Keyus. Because I'm not thinking about that.

[SachikoMaeda]

I'll wait here in Hearthglen until he shows up. I haven't seen Keyus since I joined the Argents. He said he's in Hearthglen though. I guess I just have to wait for our paths to cross. Hopefully it will be soon... I really want to t

The writing is cut short as if there was a distraction.

Hm... I finally got to talk to him. He had to leave after a while since he said he had work to do. I had forgotten how... Uh.... Sweet he could be. We had a long talk about how I had joined the Argent Crusade. I had so many mixed emotions listening. I felt proud that I was helping... Afraid that I might die... Happy he was here.... Both proud and sad when he said he'd be willing to die to defend me. I don't want him to die. I really don't. But... he said if he sees Larenir before I do, they'd wait for me with sweetrolls. It makes me both sad and happy to think about it, really.

I can only hope for the best for people. I can't do much but.... I think I'll just try to do what I've been doing. Make people happy. It's all that I really can do. Keyus said he's looking out for me no matter what. Knowing that, I think I can do just about anything, really. He convinced me to stay with the Argents, but I'll be staying away from the fights as often as I can. I'll stay back and just be a tailor for them. They need it. Their fashion since is deplorable.

I'll wait for Keyus like I always have. He said what I wanted to hear before he left and I told him what I've always wanted to... Though. I think I've said it many times before. He loves me and I love him. That's all that matters.

[SachikoMaeda]

I have nothing to be afraid of now. I finally got my Felguard after months of studying and practice. I didn't even need Urameil's help overcoming the demon. He showed me where to go and I handled the rest with my Felhunter Flaatom. Jhuughun is now my Felguard. Urameil has instructed me to handle this one correctly or I'll lose it. I've worked this hard and I don't plan to start failing now. I'll go to Caer Darrow to show my achievement to Aydendril. I hope he's proud! I really do!


---


Sangreala is nothing but a demon. Demons are supposed to obey warlocks. I don't have to listen to a word she says. I have no reason to be afraid of her. Like Keyus said, he's watching over me. "I've the spirit of Keyus, the tormentor, and nothing can stop me from my goals". Keeping that in mind I haven't really been afraid of anything. I'm glad I was able to have that talk with Keyus. Now I just wait for Ayden and Anna to get out of this place and get me out of here also. This place is creepy, but nowhere near as scary as it could be.

I'll sit an wait. I trust they'll get me out of here. I just have to wait. Hopefully writing will keep my mind off this and it'll all go by faster. I should write to Aenin even if he said for me not to contact him again. I don't know what his problem is. He should grow up or something.

A few idle doodles are drawn about the page. Mostly crudely drawn elves with only detail on the clothing.

They should be out soon. I hope they're okay.

[SachikoMaeda]

What have I done? There is no way Aenin can possibly forgive me. I don't know what I did. Why I did it. Why? Why would I do something like that? In my defense, he has done that to me also. He doesn't really have much room to complain. I fear the corruption may be sneaking up on me. Aenin, please forgive me. I should probably speak with someone about what had happened. But. Not. I can't. No one can know. I can't even write it down.

Hopefully Aenin will do like I did when he did this and stay quiet about it. Not like anyone will believe I did that. No one would believe him. Right? Though, I'm not proud of what had happened. If it is the corruption, I should hold back from the demonology and regain my mind again. I won't fall to the corruption. I refuse to.

On another note, I saw Keyus again yesterday. His hands looked different. I asked him why and he said something about necrosis. I hope he is okay. Dead or not, I still care for him. I don't wan to see him hurt just like I don't want to see Aenin hurt. But why did I hurt Aenin? What's wrong with me? Why can't I forget that? I don't want to think about it.

The next few lines are scratched out beyond recognition.

and there better not be another word of it.