Mad Mad World, X. Lovewitz

[Harmonic]

Officiary Contract of Employment, Deployment, Explmoyment, Derployment, and Janitorialployment



It is hereby declared that Xavier "Zagnut" Lovewitz is now under the employment of Reigen -Insert last name here-, Blood Elf of the Ebon Blade and Noble of Silvermoon. This document certifies that he is under her charge, and shall perform whatever duties are asked, including cooking, cleaning, fighting, guarding, holding various items, modeling clothing (for both women and men), taking care of varmints, kinky bedroom things, mount wrangling, sharp shootery, shart shootery, shark shootery, clowning and buffoonery, public indecency, making people disappear, making people disappear by legitimate means, magic limited to displacing his thumb while making "woosh" noises, making "woosh" noises while running, making "woosh" noises during improper times such as religious sermons, making "woosh" noises after telling jokes to Tauren, professional Gnome Punting, professional fetal position after said Gnomes lay down a beating, serenading the ladies, serenading those of questionable gender, serenading inanimate objects, and also any other sort of mercenary work.

Legal payments include, six gold for every month, half payed at the beginning of the month, and half payed at the end when services are rendered. Any additional wages will be worked out with the employer, and sealed in a deal by spitting in ones palm, and handshaking.


Xavier is not responsible for any legal ramifications in regards to him being employed by you. He is, and ever shall be, exempt from any pending criminal charges you bring about by having him as your employee.









Signed,

__________X! Xavier Lovewitz


___________ Reigen McBloodelfington


___________ Gizzmort McBurglestein, Goblin At Law

[Reigen]

Am I really about to sign this?

Yeah. Reigen was about to sign the contract that was laid out before her. She had expected to be surprised and had expected to read a lot of fine print. The contact was surprising, that much she could give it credit for. Everything was spelled out so very clear, down to every last scenario she could get him to make a whooshing noise at. She wasn’t sure if she was hiring a clown, mercenary, male prostitute or some sort of freak combination between the three of them. It was likely the last one, knowing her luck.

Sometimes Reigen really had to rethink her choices in life.

Well…I did need someone to help me model my tailoring. I wonder how he’d look in pink? Shark shooting? Public Indecency? I’m not sure if I’ll ever need to make sure of that…but I’m sure I’ll find an excuse to do so. Maybe the next time someone tries to tell me the undead don’t have a sense of humor. Wonder if I can get him to jump out of a cake?

She signed the contract, properly with her legal name and paid the man the first part of his due. Thankfully she was able to keep a copy of the contract of herself so she could forever be reminded of where her life went downhill, or uphill, depending on what she could get this guy to do.

She gave the paper one last look over before handing the official contact over to the Goblin.

Serenading those of questionable gender? I’ve seen a pantless elf running around who would fit the bill for that. What was his name again? Dorthy?

[Harmonic]

"Ahh, a real job!", was what came to X's mind. It'd been a long time since someone actually hired him for work closest to what he originally always sat out to do, mercenary work. This brought back some good ol' bitter memories, and fond ones too.

His mind raced with the details of his recent years as a Mercenary, namely the group he had formed a while back that he aptly called "Sons of the Evening, Daughters of Day", or as they called it for short, Sote-Dod. The group originally started as two separate mercenary crews based out of Ratchet, one an all male group led by X himself (Sons of the Evening), and a separate group led by a woman calling herself "Honey" (Daughters of Day). This marriage of the two groups was agreed upon only after X and Honey both lost valuable members due to an over-ambitious Goblin hiring both groups for one job... with the pay only going to the one group who could finish the task.

As it had turned out, neither group could finish the task, and they ended up going after the Goblin in what some would call a humiliation "raid", basically a smear campaign from the Mercs to flaunt that they didn't need his money to stay wealthy.

X also thought about the job that went awry, leading all of his friends, new and old, to a sudden demise. It was the job that X happened to not be on too, even though at times he wish he had.

"Maybe, just maybe this job could lead me to re-forming the Sote-dod. Paha. Although I doubt anyone takes -me- seriously anymore. I had to add so much shit to this contract to even get work." He patted his head for a moment. "My actions sorta... well... there was the stuff with Barry. And. The Gnome that stole my pants..." He grunts. "I should work on making a good name. Reigen, you will be that name. Well. X will be my good name, you'll retain yours."



He grunts, looking around, content with the fact that this conversation was with himself, and noone else.

[Harmonic]

So where do I start? The Grey Militia, my group of Mercenary types... we are growing so fast, and so quick. Rolling close to thirty deep and still growing almost daily, I couldn't have ever hoped for such a fast growth in such a short amount of time. It didn't even take long for me to realize...

My goals are changing. Only one person will ever know this. While my heart lies with the guild, my very being is going to my woman. Every time we go on a mission, I think it could be the last time I go out, or that she comes with us. We are so reckless, and I don't help the matter thanks to my usual methods of dealing with situations. I'm going to get one of us killed at some point, I know it. Everyone looks to me to lead them, and I don't know if I'm fit.

We've already made enemies. The Gadzgears have wanted to see my head dangling from their rigs for a while now, the only difference is that they'd love to add my crew's skulls to the pile, while using our tabards as napkins. I can't allow that stupid Goblin family to breath as long as I'm in this position, they must be dealt with as I can't have this carrying over to my future family---I owe that to Liselle. I owe that to my future Sons and Daughters... to -the- Sons and Daughters, and now to the Militia.

Then there's the mysterious Bruce. Or is it Bruce's? Are they like Steve's? I remember them mentioning Steve's. Either way, Bruce is going to get screwed up. I don't care how secret or shady they are, they skinned Barry. BARRY! Never mind that my Rensin Redjaw cutlery was impaled deep into my walls, never mind that my bike was fucked almost beyond repair... they almost burned me and Kate alive. Kate is starting to become one of my good friends. Now that Lis and I are getting more serious, she is exactly like a sister to me. I put her in danger because of these reckless missions, and I'm going to save my crew.

Then there's Doyle. Fucking Doyle. Why did you have to be a dumbass and die? Don't you know what's on my plate right now, Doyle? Now I have to deliver your stupid axe to your group, the Darkdragons or whoever they were. Not to mention, have all your creepy haughty friends stop by and try to wave their dicks around like I give to shits about what they say. I swear, next person that bitches about how I buried you, despite the fact they've already disturbed your body once or twice I'm sure...I'm going to give them a permanent smile. I'm done screwing around.

I am the Grey Militia. I will lead them. I've got goals---goals that lead to a finish line. Before then, I will wear a crown made from my enemies bones. Then? Then I'll sit on my ass and enjoy retirement.

[Harmonic]

For X, it was a normal day. Work on the Slum's Oil rig, make some money the best way he knew how, good hard and honest work. He walked across the catwalks as he carried oil drums, and worked up a sweat in the afternoon sun. Before too long, he'd remove his shirt, and wipe his brow. "Did I miss my lunch break?" He thought to himself, as he looked around the area, not seeing any other workers. It had become quiet, as she shrugged it off and continued his labor.

He felt it sink into the skin of his shoulder. A thrown blade. He growled, and dropped the oil container he had been carrying. Quickly, he reached for the blade, blood streaked down his back in an arc as he tried to focus on his surroundings. He held the dagger tight, preparing for whoever had challenged him to show. "Come on, come on! Come at me! I fuckin' dare ya!" He waved the dagger in the air, and quickly wiped the sweat that trickled down from his forehead, and left an oil streak.

Two small goblin feet, clad in leather boots swung around from up top, and kicked him across the jaw. He stumbled back, as from behind, -another- person slashed, and created a large gash across Xavier's back. He went to a knee, as he roared out in both pain and anger. Quickly X tossed the dagger at the Goblin in front of him, but it was struck away by a longsword that the Gob was carrying. Xavier turned, kicking the other one in the face. As it dropped it's sword, Xavier grabbed it, meeting the other assassin blade to blade. Xavier pushed him to the edge of the rig, growling as he rears back, and struck the goblin hard, severing the left half of it's head along with an ear. It fell off the rig, as X turns, facing his other opponent, who yelled and leaps to X's chest, causing the human to drop his sword. Xavier grabbed the goblin's arm, trying to keep him from stabbing his chest, struggling against his smaller but equally matched opponent's strength. His muscles bulged and flexed as the metal kisses his skin, slowly forcing blood to trickle down the steel blade. Xavier gritted his teeth, before finally thrusting the little assassin upward, and forcing him to fall towards his now deceased accomplice. X crawled over to the edge, looking down. No bodies. They had dissapeared.

He growls, low, holding his chest wound, wincing as he tried to stand. "Gadzgears. That's it, we're fuckin' strikin' them at the goddamn heart, as soon as possible. Time to start this campaign. You hear that! The Grey Militia's comin' for ya! I'M COMIN' FOR YA!". He spits off the edge of the rig, going out to leave. The Goblin foreman blinked at X. X growled. "I'm goin' home. I quit."

[Harmonic]

It had taken a load on him. The idea that this could be the last battle for him and his group. He'd made promises, secured jobs, and created a crew that did things the way he liked, but there was the original promise to Liselle---that he'd get out once things were done, and he'd marry her. Along with this came the stipulation---she came with him on all the dangerous missions.


This time was different. This time Xavier doubted his own safety, and that of those coming with him. Everyone knew this, Liselle, Kate... all the members that were agreeing to come along. However, Kate had told Xavier, "Don't bring Liselle."






Xavier sat across from "Dark Joker", or as he'd started to call him these days, Harmonic. He took a swig from a large bottle of liquor, wincing a bit as it burned the inside of his mouth. He grunted. "Antione. I need you to do me and Kate a favor. Liselle... Liselle is going to try to come with us. If I tell her not to, she'll just sneak on board... and I need you to do what you do, and -make- her stay back. You stay with her... and if I don't come back, if -none- of us come back... you take care of her, you hear me?"

Antione would lean back in his seat, and he'd cross his arms. "So, I'm not going either? What about Katie? You know how I feel about her." He'd sigh.

Xavier shakes his head. "Don't worry about her. She can take care of herself, she's basically my right hand in the Militia. You worry about the task I give you. Just... don't hurt her. If you have to use a potion or something to placate her, do it, but... just don't hurt her." He pours another glass, and downs it. This time he doesn't flinch, but he shudders. He closes his eye, and sighs.

Harmonic looks him over, and stands. He sighs, looking back. "Anything else?"

Xavier nods. "Yeah. If I do pass on, I have a letter under my floorboards. Give it to her, and she'll.. she'll find out what to do from there. From that point on, you protect her, and you do as she says, got it?"

Harmonic nods. "Yes sir." He then turns, and leaves.

Xavier looks down, and pours one more. "Lis. I love ya doll. I'll fight my best to get this done, and marry ya." He downs the drink. "Here's t' hopin'. Mrrrhrmmr."