Stealthscout's Feedback! (Aka Celen)

[Stealthscout]

Bump!

Doria got added!

[Stealthscout]

I guess after RPing for a while with a bunch of people I will give it a bump.

[Stealthscout]

Added Fenlan! I hope feedback-senpai will notice me!

[Aethon]

You like MLP. You like BRS. You like WoW. You have Belves. You have Humans...Hmm, you must be awesome. But uh...We must RP more, nub.

[Scout]

Here's some feedback.

I think that you put a bit too much detail into your emotes that isn't strictly necessary. Movements that your character makes can be abstracted. When you put time and text into every little thing that your character does, it tends to bog things down, and people don't really read it and internalize them. It just rubs them the wrong way. So, if you put some effort in to cut out extraneous details in your posts, I think you'd find that the flow of RP worked better.

[Stealthscout]

Ah! I see, I once told I write to less, now I am told I write too much! I will try to write shorter :P

[SachikoMaeda]

We haven't RPed since my leave, so I can't offer much. All I remember is that tour English needed some work, but you probably had plenty of time to improve on it.

[ImagenAshyun]

The length of your words should be used to the important but-straight-to-the-point content. You don't need to spend four sentences on one action, for instance. While flowery writing can be interesting, too much detail can distract from linearity needed for clear reading comprehension.

Take these for example:

TOO SHORT: Alice walked through the door and got annoyed by dwarves.

TOO LONG: Alice brushed her long, luscious locks of ebony night behind her shapely ears as her dazzling azure eyes peered an empty glossy gaze while her soft, lipstick-ladened lips smacked discreetly under her softened, restrained breath. The well-experienced, well-trained mage takes a single dainty step past the tavern door, her ruby-red tapered slippers lightly stepping onto the rotted woodwork of the deteriorating building, those mezmerizing orbs rolling to the back of her head as she sighs in tolerated exasperation upon the boisterous bruhaha elicited by the rowdy, rambunctious, smelly dwarves conglomerating loudly at the dirty, barely cleaned bartop.

JUST RIGHT: Alice brushed her black hair behind her ears as she peers about the old tavern upon entry, stepping lightly as she did. She peers about, though her eyes rolled as she takes notice upon the dwarves partying loudly at the bar across her.

Paragraph (well, Sentence) 1 is extremely terse, even if I did include the actions of Alice upon entry--this is something you see in a police report, not a novel or roleplay.

Paragraph 2, I put way too many adjectives and focus on small details that aren't that necessary (such as the focus on her shoes and the bartop), especially if RP is to take place in a physically-built world such as WoW (as opposed to, let's say, text RP, when some descriptions are usually more needed). There is also more emphasis on Alice herself than the presence she makes upon entry. Players are looking for actions to react to, and tiny actions made by a character can be a bit distracting. If the aim is to establish a character's sense of presence, it's best to divide up the tics throughout the scenario rather than upon single entry. For example, I often emote Gunther pushing up his glasses or Kapre smiling cheerfully throughout the RP if I want to establish a fidgety or a pleasant character (respectfully) rather than focus 3-4 sentences on a single action.

Paragrah 3 is more recommended. Adjectives are used as needed to set the atmosphere, and I would intend to slowly describe Alice as the RP goes on; if I want to put focus on her shoes, I wait for another chance to emote, for example. RPs in WoW and especially CotH usually last for about an hour, so your chance to describe your character's tics, actions, and tiny details can be divided up as the RP goes on.


Now, if the issue on knowing how to emote comes from your handling of English (I know it's not your first language), that's absolutely fine--your English seems to be really good as it is. The thing is, emoting in RP, especially one that uses models for setting and characters, is often different from emoting in tabletop or text (like in Skype) or writing a novel (when you are free to be more flowery). In CotH, descriptive emotes are best, but most players don't want more than 2 full emotes of describing your entry.


I hope this surely helps! If you got anymore questions to ask, feel free to bug me on Skype or PM

[Stealthscout]

@SachikoMaeda Then we should RP more >:O!

@ImagenAshyun Oh! I see! thanks a lot!

[Stealthscout]

I could use some feed back :| since currently I am poking in all kinds of ways. Trying to find the best one.

[Demigod204]

I keep forgetting your Celen, the Sneaky.

[Stealthscout]

I don't really try to... But k!!

[Demigod204]

My feedback would be Celen makes Chiffie uncomfortable. Kind of funny though. :/

[Stealthscout]

Well, considering I don't remember RPing with chiffe.. but I remember her attitude!! So it's alright she does that!

[Maulbane]

You never told me you had made a tauren until recently, so I am sad about that. But you RPed with me using your tauren, so I'm happy! I will turn Rahirn into your main, though. Just you wait.

... Or I'll try, at least ;-;

okay so; i totally didn't think your CMC thread was your feedback thread

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because that's not what happened, and you can't prove it because i definitely didn't delete the post