The Golden Boys: A Guide to Goblin

[Geoni]

Ah, the lovable and crazy little green men (and women). Here and there, I catch people saying that they feel hesitant to play a Goblin for one reason or another, and there isn't a guide for them yet, so I thought I'd make a contribution by filling in that void. These guys are everywhere, and you'll likely RP with one at one point, but why do you have to run into these little buggers all the time?

Well...their story began a long time ago...

History

The Beginning



Goblin are hinted to be an ancient race. How long they have been around, we do not know. However, their story begins with the Jungle Trolls, who they worked for as slaves. The trolls didn't like to go into tunnels, so they sent the Goblins in as miners instead. Eventually, they came across a mineral that would be named Kaja'mite, after Mount Kajaro of Kezan. The Trolls would begin forcing their slaves to mine kaja'mite, which they would use in their voodoo rituals. Though the Goblin weren't intelligent at all at the time, they were at least sharp enough to take notice to the power that kaja'mite held, and began to hoard it for themselves. The side effect of their exposure to the material was an increase in intelligence, and soon enough the Goblin began to understand how to create weapons and armor. Soon enough, the situation would take a complete 180 as the Goblin rebelled against their masters and eventually found victory. In their defeat, the Trolls would become slaves to the Goblins. They would declare the Isle of Kezan to be their own, and Undermine its capital. For a while, kaja'mite was abundant, and so they became technologically advanced rather quickly, and it was rumored that hundreds of years ago, Goblin technology exceeded the level of current Dwarven technology and they were the first to utilize steam-power. However, kaja'mite began to become a rare resource and their technological prowess dwindled as they spent thousands of years searching for more deposits of the stuff. This is the reason that their technology appears...less than perfect nowadays. But, they would live with it, and turn to embrace commerce instead. Two hundred years before the first war, they sailed their first trade fleets into the world.

The First, Second, and Third Wars

Their involvement in the First War is simple to summarize: they took advantage of the war to...well...make money. But more importantly, it was during this time when they began to establish themselves as traders of Azeroth. Some of the Goblins did, however, become partners with the Horde for a period of time. This is because they believed that the Orcs would be the victors of the war and that it was best to be of the winning side. Despite this, there were those who disagreed with that decision and remained neutral. However, those who did join forces with the Orcs would also fall back to neutrality after the First War. The important thing to take from this war is that the Goblins benefited from it greatly and were able to expand their markets as well as their reputation with what were newcomers of Azeroth at the time.

During the Second War, the Goblin race as a whole would remain neutral. However, many took on the role of mercenary because it meant profit. One of the dangers that the Horde threatened during this war was the use of Goblin sappers, whose explosive devices satisfied a taste for the use of brute force. However, after the success of the Goblin sappers in battle (to the detriment of themselves), the Goblin race was sure about their neutral alignment for the remainder of the Second and Third Wars. They would invest all of their time to providing to both sides during the wars, and as a result, the Goblin race became wealthier and healthier as a whole.

Cataclysm

As seen in the starting questline for the Goblin race, Kezan is a large and heavily populated island. It is here where one of the largest tragedies in recent Goblin history would take place: the eruption of Mount Kajaro triggered by Deathwing. The Goblins that lived in Kezan had to find a way to get to a safer place. However, they faced a big (and fat) problem, which was Jastor Gallywix. Gallywix is the trade prince of the Bilgewater Cartel, and at the time of the eruption, he owned the only ship at Bilgewater Port. The tides had turned for this trade prince. Before the eruption, he was facing the threat of losing his position and source of wealth, so he immediately saw this predicament as an opportunity. He offered the Goblins of Kezan a ticket to safety in his ship, but in return they had to fork over an absurd amount of money (life savings for many of the Goblins). Even worse, his true intention was to sell them off as slaves. Fortunately for them, the ship sailed straight through a maritime battle between the Alliance and the Horde, and the ship was attacked and sunk by an Alliance battleship. However, Gallywix was able to escape in one of his escape pods and land safely on the shores of the Lost Isles. Owning a mine in the Lost Isles, he used it as another opportunity to control the Goblins that washed ashore with him, and pushed them into slavery as miners.

Enter Thrall. He learns about the Goblin's situation and that the ship they were on was attacked and sunk by the Alliance. He also learns about what Gallywix had done to his people when the Goblin slaves began to rise up against him. In the face of Thrall, Gallywix surrenders and pledges his allegiance, aligning the Bilgewater Cartel with the Horde. Sooner or later, other trade princes would do the same, having grown a distaste for the Alliance in recent times.

...And so the Goblin became a Horde race.

Culture

Trading

The Goblin are a capitalistic race, and trade is at the very core of both their culture and their beliefs. A common saying is that you can't cheat a Goblin, and usually you can't. They control most of Azeroth's trade, so they follow pricing closely and make sure to keep track of it. The bank is their church. It is notable that many Goblin do not follow any of Azeroth's religion, and as WoWpedia puts it:

Not that this statement is certain of all Goblins. I've seen a Goblin embracing Shamanism RP'd in a well executed manner.

Goblins place their faith in themselves and in gold. They raise eyebrows at insubstantial concepts such as shamanism and the Holy Light, preferring gods they can see, weigh, and spend.

If there were anything that illustrates the power that Goblin have in Azeroth, it would be the amount of ports and Goblin cities that they have established as centers for trade. Not only that, but despite their new alignment to the Horde, their ports remain neutral. The most powerful position in Goblin society is that of a trade prince; these are the men that oversee trade, and are the ones that benefit the most from it because they control it. However, it isn't the trade princes that give organization to the trade, but the trading cartels. There are many trading cartels, may they be big or small, but the Steamwheedle Cartel and the Bilgewater Cartel are the most powerful, and anybody who is anyone would know about them.

Technology

As I mentioned before, Goblins used to be the best of the best when it came to technology, having utilized steam-power when the kaja'mite was abundant. However, kaja'mite isn't abundant as it used to be and such technology has dilapidated. This is the reason that a lot of the things made from Goblin (may it be a shredder, weapon, motorbike or house) look as if they were thrown together from scrap.

Sports

Goblin like to play a sport known as 'footbomb'. It's like soccer (football if you're not American), but it's...how should I say it...explosive? For their own safety, they ride shredders rather than kicking the bomb with their own bodies. The goal is the same as soccer's: get it into the opponent's goal. Nevertheless, if you need an example of what a footbomb course looks like, here you go:

Spoiler:

This is in Kezan, if you want to get a closer look.

Hedonism

Being the easygoing and capitalistic race that they are, Goblins tend to live a more hedonistic lifestyle. Endless partying, drug abuse, alcoholism, and many other careless acts are widespread in Goblin ports and cities.

Romance

Spoiler:

When it comes to romance, Goblin aren't the most romantic of people, but they're certainly open about sexuality, moreso than any other playable race. A lot of the males are known for being crude and dirty womanizers, and the females are the best of the best when it comes to being catty and chewing the guys out. Note: you don't have to play your Goblin like this, but it's a general observation about reoccurring behaviors. Because they are open about their sexuality, they are known for running brothels and other services dealing with sex. Have I mentioned that Goblin are very innovative?

"What, y' don't think I fit the bill?!"

The Typical Goblin Family

Spoiler:

I'm just kidding. It is to be noted, however, that Goblin tend to have lots of children, whether that's intended or accidental. It has been said that they 'breed like rabbits'. Another notable quality of Goblin families is that many of them find their jobs and connections through the family business. Many Goblin inherit the business of their father or mother. If mom and dad aren't dead, it wouldn't be surprising to find a Goblin working with mom or pops (or brothers/sisters).

Cuisine

Being at the center of most of Azeroth's trade, it's safe to say that Goblin have likely learned to appreciate food from many different cultures, and through their neutrality, you might just say that their tastes would be an amalgamation of the food preferences of the races they have come into contact with. The hobby of being a chef is a popular one among Goblin for this very reason.

As I've explained before, kaja'mite is rare and desirable for Goblin due to its power to inhance intelligence, so Kaja Cola is a well known treat among the Goblin community. Empty cans thrown onto the ground can be seen littering Kezan's streets. Another thing to note about Kezan is that they appear to enjoy noodles, with empty boxes of the stuff being left around in some of the buildings.

Language

In general, Goblins know how to speak Goblin, Orcish, and Common. Being fluent in these languages is essential when it comes to trade, and it wouldn't be surprising if a Goblin went to the length of learning other languages in order to reach out to more customers.

Naming

Another copypasta, from this wiki page, because it explains it better than I can:

Goblin Names

Every goblin has a given name and a family name. The family names portray some ancestor's achievement, though a goblin may take a new family name if he feels he has made an accomplishment that outstrips that of his eponymous forebear.

Male Names: Zautso, Beedle, Chizbolt, Nuzak.
Female Names: Lystis, Mefeero, Sazai, Klemex, Rossa.
Family Names: Steamgear, Boltnose, Manclamp, Leafgrinder.

Physique and Appearance

Features

• Green or yellow-green skin
  
• Large hands in proportion to their bodies, with four fingers on each
  
• Big, thick, and long ears that extend off the side of the head (can greatly vary in size)
  
• Short in stature
  
• Long noses that would make the Wicked Witch of the West proud
  
• Angular facial structure
  
• Eye color varying from brown, green, yellow, hazel, and purple (because the coolest race deserves the coolest eye color, right?)
  

...these are the things that make Goblins...Goblins!

General Stats

Spoiler:

Male:
0.9: 3'1" [0.95 m].
1.0: 3'7" [1.13 m].
1.1: 4'2" [1.28 m].

Female:
0.9: 3'8" [1.16 m].
1.0: 4'2" [1.28 m].
1.1: 4'8" [1.46 m].

Weight

Male:
0.9: 55 lbs [24 kg].
1.0: 75 lbs [34 kg].
1.1: 110 lbs [49 kg].

Female:
0.9: 75 lbs [34 kg].
1.0: 80 lbs [36 kg].
1.1: 85 lbs [38 kg].

Age

Goblin reach adulthood by 18, and grow venerable by the age range of 70-90 if they survive that long.

Source: I copypasted this from the race heighs and weights guide because it makes my life easier.

Notable Sexual Dimorphisms

There aren't too many sexual dimorphisms to note among Goblins. Females are taller than the males, but the males tend to be bigger in their proportions such as ear size and thickness. The males can also grow facial hair (though it tends to stay towards the sides of the face).

Fashion

Their skin may be a dullish green, but that doesn't prevent Goblins from being a colorful bunch. Goblin fashion diverts into many directions, depending on what your Goblin's job and place in the world is. Goblin females in particular like to spend a lot of their money on making themselves look good. That being said, there are some notable trends in Goblin fashion that need to be mentioned:

• Hair: their hair color is diverse, and any color you can imagine can be found on top of a Goblin's head due to the acceptability of hair coloring.
  
• Hairstyles: anything is possible so long as the Goblin can grow it and throw it together, may it be left in a frizz, tied back into a ponytail, slicked back for business, or buzzed into a mohawk for a punk-rock edge
  
• Piercings: Goblins like to pierce, and one can't blame them with all of that space on their ears. Piercing goes beyond just the ears however, with things such as eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue, and body piercings.
  
• Tattoos: also an acceptable thing in Goblin culture. Goblin will boldly take a tattoo of anything anywhere, just like some of us humans do.
  

Goblin Classes

Tinkers

Where the Alliance has Gnomes, the Horde has Goblins. As opposed to Gnomes, who spend years on blueprints, Goblins get things figured out and built a lot faster. The downside, however, is that the technology they produce has a lower rate of reliability and a lot of Goblin tinkers lose their lives due to accidental explosions on the job. That aside, they're quite innovative in what they do, and just like with Gnomes, there are many possibilities for inventions that tinkers can come up with.

Engineers

This is probably one of the more dangerous jobs that a Goblin can take on, because of how unreliable their technology can be. Due to a lot of gunpowder being around, many lose their lives to accidents, just like tinkers. Yet, the Goblin have been able to engineer some very large machines, such as tanks, zeppelins, and to the disgust of Tauren and Kal'dorei, large lumber robots (known as shredders).

Business Owners

This class is a bit self explanatory: they're guys and gals who own a business, may it be an engineering company or a cartel. If you're looking to start a Goblin (or otherwise aligned/neutral) guild, this might be the profession for your character.

...another class for your Goblin could be that they belong to the working class, meaning they work for these business owners.

*Note: If your Goblin owns a larger business, they would referred to as a mogul. This is a special profile.

Sappers

These folks are in the realm of demolitionists and explosive experts. May it be for war or their own endeavors, they employ the use of bombs, rockets, powder kegs, TNT, and anything else that might cause massive damage to the enemy or the structure they're trying to get into.

Here's a picture of some Goblin sappers (because I can't leave it out of the guide, it's just that great):

Alchemists

The job of an alchemist is a popular one among Goblin, and since they have a tendency to monopolize things, medicine can be a cash cow. If some kind of disease or illness takes over, you can bet that these guys are looking to create and sell the miracle cure.

Other Classes

The classes that I've listed above are those that are popular among Goblin. However, just as there are many class options in the mechanics, there are plenty of paths a Goblin can take, especially now that they've joined in with the Horde. A Goblin can be a Warrior, Rogue, Warlock, Mage, Hunter, Priest, Death Knight, or a Shaman. Though the last of said classes seems odd for a Goblin to take on, the career of a Shaman is still an acceptable one for a Goblin. They may seek to protect nature, or exploit it. The history can be written accordingly.

The Unclassable

There are many different ways to go with a Goblin. I myself play Geoni as a Pyrotechnist, somebody who creates and sell fireworks. The world of Goblins is a big one, and there are many other classes that they can take on than the ones I have listed above.

In Closure...

...I hope you've learned something about Goblin if you didn't know much about them already. I also hope to see Goblins t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶r̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶ everywhere I look, spreading the joy of commerce, explosives, and other shenanigans.

And do comment, because additions are welcome, discussion is nice, and fixes can be made!

---

[Aethon]

Goblins are the best race. Nice work!

[Geoni]

^Thanks.

I've edited it to add a section about footbomb.

Also, I need an opinion: should I add a section that summarizes the Goblin ports and cities or would that be unnecessary fluff?

[Vladdy]

Nothing is unnecessary fluff when it comes to Goblins, Geoni. All of the details!

[Yandere]

Goldenboys? Aside from that, a good read. Even if Goblins aren't my cup of tea.

[Nymus]

There aren't too many sexual dimorphisms to note among Goblins. The males just tend to be bigger in proportions, such as with height or ear size and thickness.

Don't QFT me on this, but aren't the females usually taller than the males?

[Noble]

There aren't too many sexual dimorphisms to note among Goblins. The males just tend to be bigger in proportions, such as with height or ear size and thickness.

The males also tend to be

Spoiler:

Not a bad guide though, can't believe I didn't get around to this myself.

[Geoni]

I'm not sure where @Reigen has gotten her resources for her guide, so I'm going to go ahead and take that copypaste out and go with what the WoW resource books say.

However, I do think that her scales make more sense when it comes to BMI. If she wants to touch upon this here, I'm more than welcome.

Also, I've made a note under the class of business owners because somebody pointed it out to me.

Future updates to the guide may or may not include a section on racial relations and a section on Goblin ports and cities.

[Reigen]

The goblin and worgen scales were not done by me, I believe @Caravan added those in.

[Caravan]

I'm not sure where @Reigen has gotten her resources for her guide, so I'm going to go ahead and take that copypaste out and go with what the WoW resource books say.

However, I do think that her scales make more sense when it comes to BMI. If she wants to touch upon this here, I'm more than welcome.

Goblin women are taller, at least during my research on updating the scales. This could be because of differing body structures (like dem legs, yeowwww).

How did I come up with these scales? @Wuvvums was kind enough to provide a variety of screenshots lining up 0.9, 1.0 and 1.1 goblin males and females between two other 1.0 races (like dwarves, gnomes and humans). I then made some "educated guesses", especially when it came to figuring out the weights: for that, I had to take a gander at their body composition. Put it all together and you get the "estimated scales" that are currently present in the Height/Weight guide.

If you need more information than that, let me know. :P


Edit: As you've gone with the (what I find very inaccurate) WoW chart-values, you may want to take out the link to my work as those values are very, very different.

[Bitlordman]

A very well made guide. Good job there pal!

[Geoni]

Thank you for the clarifications, @Caravan . I meant to take that source down. However, I'm going to keep it there because I've replaced the stats back into accordance with the guide. I figure I'll go with CotH's standards.

Also, I'll bump this once I get around to adding that section about the locations, and likely declare it complete at that point.

I'm debating the section about racial relations because it's generally the same around the board other than some hatred from Dwarves and competition from Gnomes.

[Maladonir]

I love the guide Geoni, but I do have one quick thing. You stated:

He offered the Goblins of Kezan a ticket to safety in his ship, but in return they had to fork over an absurd amount of money (life savings for many of the Goblins). Even worse, his true intention was to sell them off as slaves.

Now, perhaps I'm reading this incorrectly, but I'm picking up you mean Gallywix enslaved the Bilgewater Cartel. If this is indeed what you mean, I believe you may be incorrect.

The main reason to this is because in the goblin story through quests and so forth, the player's story starts as the prodigy to Gallywix, a former CEO, and now his primary competitor for the title of Trade Price of the Bilgewater Cartel.

Near the end of the quests in Bilgewater Port, the player has to pretty much give his/her life savings to Gallywix in order to flee the island. Gallywix, planning to get even with this player and their company, takes the money, and captures the player along with the player's company.

Through the rest of the playable goblin quest, the same NPCs that were at your company from the start continue through the Lost Isles, and as we saw through Gallywix setting up a base on the Lost Isles, not all of the Bilgewater Cartel goblins were loyal to you as the player.

With this, it's lead to believe that the only enslaved goblins of the Bilgewater Cartel were indeed the player and the player's company, who where the prime rivals to Gallywix.

[Geoni]

I'm picking up you mean Gallywix enslaved the Bilgewater Cartel

I'm stating that he enslaved the panicking Goblins of Kezan.

Also, I'm not going to base this guide's Cataclysm section strictly off the starting quests, because there would be inconsistencies that result from the events that these quests build around the player's Goblin.

[Thoradin]

I'm almost positive that Blizzard stated somewhere that Kezan wasn't destroyed entirely (the topside, mind you) and that really only Bilgewater Port was severely damaged, but not 100% wiped off the map.

And as for Gallywix, it's pretty much assumed that the slaves he took were of the KTC as well as other rich members of the Bilgewater Port neighborhood. The rest, consisting of the undesirables (not enough cash) were left to die. Which many did, but not all.