As I am.

[Azheron]

You know when you date someone? And even after you break up you try to be friends or try to get back together..but it just isn't the same or as good as you remember it being...?

These words have been haunting me for a long time, since they hold true for me. I admit I did have fun at CotH, but overtime, that amount of fun diminished to below zero.

Longer story in this spoiler. (Cause I feel like telling someone and I think someone will enjoy it.)

Spoiler:

So when I joined CoTH I didn't know anything about lore. I still don't. Seriously. I know there's Illidan that's a night elf, and all sorts of races and asteroids, but not much else.

My first introduction was by the name "Helemeri", and it was denied. Because I was a cocky little person then, I still am though. Then I made another one and got through, basically by acting I was convenient. Then I logged on as Azheron, I made an orc named "Urk", whom was a braindead schizophrenic. ... It was bloody terrible. Then I left the server because erm... I got bored. I did come back later though, to create a new personality, Baran'ji. A stuttering troll. Though the only reason I made him was to impress my girlfriend whom was also on the server. Not even slightly pathetic, right?

I did impress her though, that event innovated a new character in my brilliant mind, he was named Helmer (SIMILARITIES ANYONE?), and he was my main character. He wasn't made up though, it was basically just me in an in-game form.

Nice roleplaying there Azheron.

I had all sorts of crazy thief fun on him, I also got him in a relationship at a similar time I was in a relationship myself. I was reaaaally in looove, and that meant that Helmer was also in loooove. He also went back and forth with my own mood, which agrovated the people I rp'd with, since sometimes he was depressed and other times he was depressed.

Well as any relationship, after six months, my perfect relationship also broke down. Because of our distance, which was a train trip away. As a mutual decision.

Anyway, that screwed Helmer up real bad. He became one suicidal thief, so to say, and sometimes I RP'd for a full night, and went to school without sleep. Needless to say that fucked my head up quite nicely, there were weird periods of time when I felt like I was roleplaying myself and doing all sorts of weird things. This emotional rollercoaster was, well, exciting to say, at least. I feel as if it can't be topped by any experience.

Then after the the person that played the girlfriend of Helmer left, I moved on to mess my troll character up. And I did.

I RP'd with some people after my characters had gone mad, representing the real me, actually. But the awesomeness, as I said, diminished overtime. Every relationship in this game, was to me, as if it was real. As if I LIVED the character. But now? I'm just hanging on in the past too much to live the present. And to me, CoTH is the past.

Everytime I login to CotH now, it reminds me of my own failure, and I simply can not take it anymore. I made a lot of empty promises here, I'm never going to keep those. Sorry guys. And girls.

And we're down to the wire, the reason I can't RP here anymore. Anything I do feels dull. Gray.

Special thanks to Skaar, AlianaS, flammos200, c0rzilla, foxlike and some other people for believing me when I didn't, and just being awesome friends, unlike me.

Bye everyone.

(The point of this post? To explain to people why I don't log on anymore.)

[Psychyn]

"Wow."

That's all that came to mind really after reading your story, I'm not sure what else to say. I wish you all the best, and it's a good thing you've pulled the things to a halt when you did. Take care really, and remember that even in the darkest of shadows, there will always be a little light.

[flammos200]

...That post made me smile.

Instead of telling you to have luck wherever life takes you, I'll merely say that I can see where you're coming from. It feels odd to admit that RP can steal moments from you, because it creates just as many awesome moments.

The Human brain cannot innately discern fantasy from reality, and indeed, that is why dreams for instance can be so frightening - you don't know it's a dream until you're conscious. The barrier, the... mental suit of armor we build against fantasy is something conscious and willed.

At times, we try escaping from our mental suit... Because what the physical gives us is no longer a match for what our non-physical selves have become. We turn to all sorts of things, in order to express what we feel yet cannot put into material things. Some of us turn to creativity, and in that, some fewer turn to role-playing.

...But it is neither crutch nor something to condemn. We each have our shelter, and the more we experience of it, the better things turn.

There comes a problem, though. When we leave our shelter and look behind us, we see it not from within - a world to interact with and grow inside of - but a cottage of smoke and mirrors, an illusion. I liken it to the way Players game: IC and OOC... From an IC point of view, the character has a wondrous world of adventure, even though sometimes, from an OOC one, things seem boring, for lack of a better word.

Disillusionment is something we each cope with in our own way... We normally just seek out further sources for our needs, but never return to old ones. We remember them, sure, but... whenever we try them again, they leave a bad taste in our mouths. We don't even know why.

The human soul is a thing in constant need for new experience. It cannot mull the same thing forever, even though it can get used to things for a fairly long amount of time.

In short, Azheron... 'Time is not your enemy; Forever is.'

And may whatever guided you guide you still.

[Ben]

...sadfaise.

I completely understand, but still sadfaise.

Good luck, drop by sometime to say hi! Or I'll eat you with great jowls of darkness. Muahahaha!

[Cressy]

Awww.

Sidenote: Being quoted during a fareweel thread makes me sad.

[c0rzilla]

*flail* Despite not really being on here anymore...I miss you! Shame we never explored that one storyline with Helmer before you vanished.

[CharizardDylan]

"Missing you though I never knew you"


Good luck with life.

[Xigo]

Wish I got to RP with ya.

[Skaar]

<3

[Uthaniel]

As costumary, I shall now spam a several multitude of pictures in this thread. Today's theme is... Salutes!

Spoiler:

Now for a video.

Spoiler:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu1qa8N2ID0[/youtube]

Be well, mate.

[Azheron]

Anytime I try to leave, you guys are like

"BUT AZHERON, WE MISS YOU, BE SURE TO PAY A VISIT CAUSE WE LUV YOU AZHERON )))) <333 it makes me very sad that you're leaving! "

Point being, leaving this community for forever AND leaving a message to say about it is insanely hard. I hope I'll get back to RPing when I get my personality failures sorted, (the root of it all), if even then.

Anyway, you guys are awesome and I do wish I would've gotten to RP with all of you invidually back when I still RP'd because I wanted to and not because I was bored or because I had to.

[Xigo]

The general rule of thumb is that people rarely actually want you to leave. If you feel like you've got everything sorted out, we're here for ya. Until then, good luck.

[Loxmardin]

I think someone said in another thread that; If it stops being fun, you should stop doing it.

If you're not enjoying it anymore, don't force yourself into it - Or, for that matter, -try- to force yourself into it or feel like you're obligated to try for the sake of people involved with your characters, promises or whatever you've left behind. People who have had contact with you respect you and will gladly take their steps back to leave you room if you need to go away for however long you feel you have to. Even if it means you're never coming back.

Everyone takes a break at some point because they grow tired of something, or because the joy they used to gain from being around simply cannot be had in the same way anymore. It happens to us all, you know. So don't worry about any of the promises you've made or anything. You've taken your time to explain and everyone will respect you and your decision.

We'll be around if you ever want to come back, but don't feel obligated to. We're all here to have fun, after all. So it's better that you're actually having fun while you're here. Otherwise, what's the point?

You still have my MSN if you ever want to talk. /nod