How Many Backs Could a Feedback Feed if a Feedback Could Feed Backs?

[Sadron]

Hello there, you. Yes, you, reader.

So, on my never ending quest to improve and become a half-decent writer and RPer, I come to you, the community, for advice and feedback on my writing style, characters, and quality of RP. What can I improve on? What am I doing that is outright awful, and should watch for? And what am I doing right? So I can figure out my strong suits, and be a better RPer in the future.

I play:

Thalion Novalight

Drakar Blackaxe

Sadron Silentsong.

[Xigo]

Having played Tedia, I've noted you to occasionally voice your character's inner thoughts through emotes.

Don't just say 'Thalion is thinking about that elvish arse'. Instead say 'Thalion's gaze turns to regard the rear of the elvish woman, focusing intently on it'.

Or instead of 'Thalion thinks about killing the man', say 'Thalion's lips tighten as he grips the hilt of his sheathed blade, glaring at the man before him'.

Other than that, good work!

(Mind you, that's just a personal peeve of mine that I try to avoid. I suppose it's not the biggest deal in the world. I just find it funner to convey thoughts through actions instead of just 'saying' such is the case.)

[Caravan]

I very much enjoy the RP we have between Xanthe and Thalion.

At present, I only have good feedback for you (as anything that peeves me I usually bring up at the moment) -- and that is that Thalion is an interesting character. From what I've seen (albeit through the lense of a Xanthe) you have been able to juggle the darker side of Thalion (that comes with being an assassin) with the kinder side needed to handle his sister and deal with the family. He doesn't feel very forced, his actions believable and fluid, and your writing is decent! I shall regard both your writing and your RP style more closely next time we play so as to give you a more accurate (and probably brutal) feedback.

TL;DR -- I love your title for this thread.

[Sadron]

Don't just say 'Thalion is thinking about that elvish arse'. Instead say 'Thalion's gaze turns to regard the rear of the elvish woman, focusing intently on it'.

Or instead of 'Thalion thinks about killing the man', say 'Thalion's lips tighten as he grips the hilt of his sheathed blade, glaring at the man before him'.

I agree that it's more fun to show what a character is thinking through actions, and I'll try and avoid spelling things out like that. Thanks!

Moar, peepz. MOAR.

[ThePharaoh]

I'm just personally pleased with how quickly you've taken to the storyline. I tell you often in Guild Chat I'm a Thalion Fan. I like how he's portrayed, you have a natural sense of humor and as Caravan stated you really show the depth of the character. I enjoy that OOCly you have a want to move the storyline along and even take the initiative to come up with ideas, create chars and things like that to further the RP.

Its frustrating when people complain about RP ( or anything ) and never take initiative to do something about it. Thalion's versitility reflects well with the family without contradicting it. Like The House Of Novalight, Thalion has his dark secrets but usually bypasses it with a award winning smile. Being the spitting image of Jidaeo makes him the perfect personification of the house. Your emotes and dedication to the character are commendable as well, its quite easy to just RP with you and have a heavy story moving and progression. Its also good to break up the tension amongst so many 'serious' or 'gloomy' chars to have a chuckle once and a while. Since Jidaeo's since of humor is non-existent, and zariels sense of humor usually comes from him being derp.

Thalion is cool, and witty but doesn't contradict the world he's from either. He's tolerable of other races but still doesn't like them, and isn't afraid to show it. I love how he's strong willed, willing to stick his neck out for his family. I think your post really showed that well. I think you do what we came to do play a role. And Thalion has many subtle roles that he represents that would effect his overall core character. Like being the eldest sibling, first child. His way he reacts with his siblings and parents show this well. I was really glad that you wished to take Thalion up, because I really had expectations for Jid's eldest son. You blew them away and I couldn't have asked for a better person to participate. Especially your consistency as far as log times really makes it easy to incorporate Thalion and move the story forward.

One thing I will say as far as criticism is concerned, and maybe this is my fault for not portraying is that Most Novalights were brainwashed to really function as cogs of a machine. Its why some of their actions are so cold hearted, image is everything and all of that. Thalion being the oldest should have signs of this, ( or at least you would think ) but I often see him being very free spirited to the point where he only cares about his siblings.

Could be contributed to his maturity and growth since being an assassin. Because everyone with an open mind will see the Novalights for the corruption they are. Even Zariel is beginning to turn around, It just would be interesting to have another Novalight represent this besides me as it makes me feel antagonistic to the storyline when most likely these views would be shared. Also still works out as they're trying to fight the corruption anyway, who knows how Thalion was 400 years ago.

[Sadron]

One thing I will say as far as criticism is concerned, and maybe this is my fault for not portraying is that Most Novalights were brainwashed to really function as cogs of a machine. Its why some of their actions are so cold hearted, image is everything and all of that. Thalion being the oldest should have signs of this, ( or at least you would think ) but I often see him being very free spirited to the point where he only cares about his siblings.

This is something to think on! It would also add an element of depth to him, and perhaps some irony. Thalion trying to be free spirited despite his past brainwashing.

who knows how Thalion was 400 years ago.

...I should explore that with Thal's thread! Maybe some flashbacks, or memories or something like that. It'll take some thinking, but I'll give it a shot. Expanding on Thal's history sounds like a good idea.

Keep it coming, friends! Anything that comes to mind is good.

[Areninekay]

I just saw the title so I came here to do this:

How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
How much grass could a grasshopper hop if a grasshopper could hop grass?
How many wombs could a wombat bat if a wombat could bat wombs?
How many ants could a fireant fire if a fire ant could fire ants?
How many fish could a pufferfish puff if a pufferfish could puff fish?

And on and on and on...

[Sadron]

^ This was an excellent post to wake up to.

[Sadron]

Bump so I can become an betterer arpeeerer.

Anything I can do to improve? Does it just make you want to punch me when I say 'yar'? Does Thalion make you smash your face into your desk in rage?

Lemme know!

[Caravan]

Does it just make you want to punch me when I say 'yar'?

Now that you mention it, yes...yes it does.


(Edit: Still like Thalion, still think your writing and RPing skills are good and improving. More RP, sucka!)

[Sadron]

It makes me want to punch MYSELF, but for some reason I keep on saying it.

All of the anger.

EDIT: Thanks! Improvement is always good.

[Erynn]

I've liked Thalion since I first RP'd with him. I can see that he's gone through a few changes from then! We should RP more!

[JTJP770]

I quite enjoyed the small adventure RP we had with Xathos and Avalane. Zeein likes Thalion, we need to rp again soon! Also, evil bunny. :3 That is all.

[SachikoMaeda]

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY"

I've kinda always wanted to RP with Thalion more than I got to with Leron. Post-resurrection Thal is quite amusing to me, really. Especially so far in Kidnapped. And he handled the hell of drunk Doran like a real pro.

Gotta say I truly do enjoy the RP and perhaps we can get some more after Kidnapped ends!

[Sadron]

Giving this ol' thread the big ol' bump because I have started playing Drakar and Sadron! Though I would still love some feedback on Thalion.

I need dat sweet sweet feedback CotH!