Writing Sexuality and Gender

[Grakor456]

Writing Sexuality and Gender

Many times, writers stumble when trying to write for a gender or sexuality other than their own. A common question that many writers will ask themselves is if they're writing their character correctly, or if they're being possibly offensive with their depiction. Others may write a character thinking that he or she is perfectly fine, only to later be criticized for it. This can get especially problematic when writing for a character that is your opposite in both gender AND sexuality.

When I first thought of writing this, I wanted to list common "mistakes" that writers may make when writing for the other gender/sexuality. I've decided instead to list "tropes." Tropes are not good or bad in and of themselves, it all depends on how you use them. To that end, characters that may display one or more of these traits are not necessarily bad. Human behavior is so varied and diverse that traits uncommon to one gender or sexuality are still present in at least a handful of individuals. However, approaching certain tropes should be done with care, as it can otherwise perpetuate negative stereotypes or create a character that stretches believability. On a similar note, while I may talk about general trends on how the genders act, know that there's no hard rule of thumb. Again, human behavior is very varied, and at best we can list trends, but trends are not rules without exception.

Stumbling Blocks

It's common when writers write the opposite gender to have that gender be the main focus of the character. A male writer may create a female character whose sole purpose is to be the damsel in distress to be saved, for example. In such characters, we come to the problem of the character being flat and lifeless. Characters become dominated by the fact that they are their chosen gender, and that's all that defines them. This tends to be especially common for men writing women (leading to the common writing trope that "men are the default gender,") but this can also apply in the reverse. This also becomes a stumbling block when it comes to sexuality, and it's all too common to have characters put in to fulfill "token roles" or have characters made where their sole defining characteristic is their gender or sexuality. This leads to the obvious problem: people are much more complex than that! A woman is more than a woman, she's a person with her own skills, her own goals, her own dreams, and her own personality. The fact that she's female is just one of a variety of things that may make up who she is. In fact, in the face of those other ideas, the fact that she is a woman may be the least interesting thing about her.

Yet even knowing this, writers can stumble too far into the other direction. "If gender is not a defining characteristic, then just ignore it." Yet this line of thinking can be just as unbelievable as the former. There are, after all, differences in how men and women behave, as any student who has taken a course in General Psychology or General Sociology can tell you. A character's gender may not only have an impact on how the character behaves, but also how the world treats said character. This in turn can have a further impact on how the character behaves. On a related note, I often see people ask why we can't just ignore sexuality. The answer is, of course, because sexuality has an impact on a character's life, often in ways that we don't think about. Every time you make a casual reference to a spouse or boy/girlfriend, your sexuality is playing a part. When men or women feel predisposed to acting more kindly to members of a specific gender, then again sexuality may be playing a part. While this aspect of a character should not dominate the character, ignoring it completely ignores a part of what makes someone who he or she is.

Human behavior is often shaped by many factors: biological (physical differences,) psychological (mental and behavioral differences,) and sociological (cultural differences and differences formed by social pressure and expectations.) It's often important to know what may be influencing a character's personality, in order to better get a feel for how a character should act. Some things are not innately determined by gender or sexuality, but instead by social expectations. The difference can be crucial.

For now, let's examine common tropes that come into play when writers write for the opposite gender.

Tropes Common for Men Writing Women

Lustful Women - This trope often comes up due to the creation of a character playing into what the writer finds attractive. While this can have negative implications, there's nothing inherently wrong with playing what one finds attractive. However, male writers also have to understand that female sex drives don't work quite the same way as male sex drives (or to be more accurate, how society expects females to act sexually is not the same as how society expects males to act sexually.) As far as general trends go, women tend to be predisposed to long-term relationships with one partner and men tend to be a bit more "free" with their love. Of course, this is not a hard-fast rule, as social implications can also have a major impact. Nonetheless, female characters that swing freely from romantic interest to romantic interest (or sexual encounter to sexual encounter) can often end up being derided as nothing more than a male wish fulfillment fantasy, especially if said character is also lesbian.

Shallow Girly-Girl - Men will sometimes write a female character as a love interest, or solely to try out the other gender in writing, and make the character's gender so important in her character that she's utterly defined by it. She ends up being focused entirely on female pursuits and hobbies, wears dresses, and giggles girlishly on a frequent basis. While there's nothing wrong with a female character that is traditionally feminine, going so far into it can make the character seem shallow and lifeless, without anything that really defines her other than her gender.

Shallow Manly-Woman - Going to the completely other end of the spectrum, sometimes male writers will think that they want to write a character that's a positive image for women: a character that's strong and independant. While a noble goal, this can sometimes be botched to result in a character that ends up being difficult for most women to identify with, because male writers will write her like she's a male with breasts. In roleplaying settings, this can come up when a male writer just writes a female character as he would a male, without any thought as to social implications or behavioral differences. This can also end up with a character that ends up being defined by her role as "strong, independant woman" without any thought as to who she is beyond that, and avoiding any sort of femininity even when it makes sense.

Tropes Common for Women Writing Men

Girly-Man - While female writers are a bit less prone to writing characters dominated by their gender, they do end up falling into the trap of writing a male character as if they were female. This can sometimes result in wish-fulfillment fantasies when the characters end up being gay, but just as often can stem from a lack of understanding of male thought processes. Men, moreso than women, tend to be careful about fitting in to their expected gender norms. Men are taught socially to always appear strong and masculine in some sense, as weakness is not acceptable in a man and femininity means that there's something wrong with him (in the eyes of society, anyway.) This should be kept in mind when considering writing a male character that doesn't act in a traditionally masculine manner.

"So, Who's On Top?" - When it comes down to it, human sexuality is not binary. "Male" vs. "Female," "Dominant" vs. "Submissive," and "Top" vs. "Bottom" are not radical extremes with no mixture in between, nor are the concepts forever linked. Male does not mean Dominant which does not mean Top. As even heterosexual relationships tend to be far more complex than that, it should be little surprise that homosexual ones are perhaps even more varied. Female writers tend to write homosexual relationships in a "heteronormative" manner, making one man take the "man's" role and another the "woman's" role. This ends up ignoring a very large number of homosexual relationships that have no such distinction, as men are perfectly capable of switching or being versatile based on context or present mood. Even in relationships where one man is indeed generally more dominant than the other, relationships are complex enough that rarely is it that one man completely takes on a "woman's" role so much as a "submissive" one, and there's a big difference. After all, gay men are men that like...men, not women.

"But He's Pretty!" - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's a common saying, but most don't consider that what we find attractive may also be due to sociological pressures or trends. Female writers can easily fall into the trap of believing that what they and other women find attractive, a gay man should inherently find attractive as well. While certainly there will be some overlap and individual tastes will vary, general trends show this to not be the case. The most clear example would, at the risk of delving into a risque subject, be how the porn industry handles the concept. In Japan for example, there are definite differences in stories containing homosexual males depending on if they're marketed towards women or men. Woman-marketed works tend to focus on "pretty-boy" or "bishounen" kind of men: young, slender, and "pretty"; meanwhile, man-marketed works tend to focus on "manly man" kind of men: more muscular or stocky, with more chiseled and "handsome" features and occasional hairiness. Taste in men tend to be very broad and varied, both in terms of facial features and general build, perhaps moreso than the more limited views of what makes an attractive woman.

Tropes Concerning Sexuality

Gay Men Are Promiscuous - There's something of a general belief that homosexual men are inherently over-sexed. In this case, it's not that gay men have any stronger of a sex drive than heterosexual men, it's that in the case of gay relationships, a man's sexual drive is bouncing off of the sexual drive of another man. Because males in general tend to have a more casual view of sex than women, it leads to this belief. The opposite then extends to lesbians: as women tend to lean towards more long-term relationships, lesbians do tend to have a stronger tendency to develop long-term relationships. This is due to their gender, however, and not their sexuality (and is likely further due to social expectations rather than real psychological differences.)

Homosexuals Act Like the Other Gender - Not true, as a rule. While there are some psychological implications to being homosexual, homosexual men and women do not act like their opposite gender, nor do they secretly want to be that opposite gender (which is an entirely different concept, which may or may not overlap in certain rare cases.) Psychological implications for homosexuality tend to be minor: most of the stereotypes that we have today are the result of sociological implications instead. That is to say, if there is a trend where gay men are generally concerned about their appearance and have a love of theater, that's primarily due to social expectations and not because homosexuality inherently lends itself to those pursuits. Such social expectations are weakening in this day and age, and no such social expectations are visible in World of Warcraft. When writing a homosexual character, it's best to write them, on a psychological level, as your average man/woman and then worry about social implications after (is he/she concerned about his/her sexuality coming out? How might he/she act as a result?)

Closing Interesting Tidbits

I'm going to close this off, for now, with some interesting notes concerning gender differences. I thought they were interesting, anyway.

- In general, women are shown to be better at emotional interpretation than men.
- Men tend to be more aggressive, though this could be due to social expectations.
- Women typically live longer than men. Men typically have more upper body strength than women.
- Generally, male writers seem to concentrate on actions and events, while female writers concentrate on people and relationships.
- Researchers believe that men and women both have the same range and frequency of emotions, but women are taught to express them more frequently.

[Anski]

My only regret is that I have but one like to give to your post. Wonderfully written and oddly coincidental with something that's been on my mind the past couple of days.

[Aphetoros]

Thank you, Grakor.

[Xigo]

I for one, fully support this post.

In honor of it, I shall make this character.

Spoiler:

[Rowgen]

. . . That proud moment.

EDIT: I believe I ought to elaborate on that. This thread, and the intention behind it, is pure gold, in my opinion. Well-written, easy to understand and most of all it is perfectly sensible. I'm kinda happy to notice that none of my characters really fall into those categories mentioned. Phew.

[Rigley]

You lose points for lack of visual references.

Spoiler:

I have provided one for you; the rest is up to you.

[Harmonic]

Rigley.

I don't even.

I.

/like?

[SachikoMaeda]

Tropes guilty of:

...

......

Don't think it has to be pointed out. Doran falls under so many tropes. But he's the only one. Okay, maybe Aendron falls into a trope in which there's that "who's on top" deal with Elend, but That's not a big deal, right? I mean, every relationship is different and should be treated as such. At least that's what I try to do...

Also, great read. Me gusta.

[ImagenAshyun]

Sachi. You need a manly man who eats bacon and beer 24/7, leers at lesbians, has a hairy chest, and benchpresses tree logs twice their weight.













Wait a second...

[Harmonic]

Sachi. You need a manly man who eats bacon and beer 24/7, leers at lesbians, has a hairy chest, and benchpresses tree logs twice their weight.













Wait a second...

...Pretty sure you just described me in great detail. Eerily great detail.

[Holynexus]

I second Immy!

But thanks for writing that. Even though I don't do much relationship RP -- Kreeva and Drena, really. But both are so..well, special in themselves. I mean, dorf love.

[Etmosril]

Good guide. Me likey.

I'd like to add the Special Snowflake stumbling block. It's a very common occurrence for someone who's playing an atypical character (especially gays/lesbians, since they're the go-to trope when someone wants to be special). Basically, the fact that they're 'different' ends up consuming their RP. The perception of being unique, and part of a minority carries lots of elitism along with it.

It's very similar to some approaches on race dynamics: that being your typical Orc, Belf, and Troll-hatin', human (or, fel, your typical Orc-likin, Troll-trustin, Belf-hatin' Tauren) will get derision from more 'enlightened' characters who wish interracial hug-fests were a thing. It's all about the special allure of being the minority.

It's great being able to try something new, and look through someone else's eyes - if only for a few hours. That's the real perk of roleplaying. But, if you roll someone to be special, and make all your RP revolve around that specialness, you can expect others to take notice. People are amazing bullshit detectors.

[Krent]

You're a braver man than I, Grak, for speaking out on this topic. I've often debated whether or not I should try to articulate my thoughts on this very topic. But, in each instance, I've held back for fear of my own academic voice. Too often I find myself fearful of sounding sexist or homophobic. Granted, I want to believe in the idea that we're all the same. Every human, no matter how that human lives, is a messed up, terrible person deep down on the inside. Yet the degree of their own terribleness varies between each individual. I can't articulate this difference, because I'm too afraid of...stratifying others, based on gender and sexual orientation.

For example, one observation I've always been perplexed by is the physical space that females and male choose to occupy themselves with. I've noticed that females are more inclined to go out of their way to take up as less space as possible; crossing their legs, rigging their posture, shrinking their bodies to be a less-imposing as possible. Males, on the other hand, tend to give no care in how much physical space they occupy. Men will spread their legs, lean back, take up arm rests, doing everything they can to take up as much physical space as possible. Quite simply put, in a public setting, men don't care about how much space they take or how their posture is perceived; yet women seem to be bound by it.

But, I tend not to write about this sort of thing because I don't mean to stereotype any individual into that specific role. I don't mean to say that all women will behave this way instead of that. And, I don't mean to say that all men will behave in this way or that. No sex should be pigeon-holed into one behavior or another. But, the general perceptions are still there, yes? We can all agree on that.

....another phenomenon I've noticed is how the average woman is conditioned to hold back, compared to males. In the academic college setting, male students are more likely to blurt out their opinions in the class more often than females. Even when told that they do not need to wait to be called upon, female students are more likely to raise their hands and wait until the professor calls upon them to voice their opinions on a subject. Meanwhile, male students will voice whatever comes to their mind at any point in the lecture, often not caring if the professor acknowledge it or not.

Granted, I can't back this data up with anything else other than my own personal experience. This is what I've observed, from my own experiences. I know anecdotal information is the worst kind to draw on. But, what choice do I have? I can't look beyond my own perspective.

Which is why I avoid trying to write from the perspective of not just another gender, but another sexuality.

Now, Grakor, I'm sure you know that at in one point of COTH's long history, I've done this type of thing. And I've failed greatly. Krent became a bisexual drug-dealer early on in my RP career here. And, I drew a lot of inspiration of that character from the stereotypical over-effeminate, hyper-emotional stereotype. It was made to be more of a parody, poking fun of how others played that arch type...but that sort of light-hearted satire was something that could only exist in my perception. To any other homosexual male, it must have seemed horribly offensive. I understand that. So, for what its worth, I apologize for doing that. I was young, stupid (and don't get me wrong; I'm still quite young and stupid) , but I didn't mean to irk ya. Or offend. If I did, I'm sorry. Ya may not believe it, but I am. It isn't just you as an individual I'm apologizing to (I'm betting you don't care about this), but to anyone who might've witnessed it.

Now, what was I getting at? Oh, yes. This sort of thing is important. This is the only time I'll ever endorse a guide. Not officially, mind ya, with a "Everyone should read this and follow to the very core". Because, well, I think there's a lot more to be written about this very subject. You touched base on a whole ton of important issues, more so than others (including me) would be willing to discuss. And for that, I give ya daps. But there's more. A whole lot more. Generations of literary and social theory, more. I feel like there are more examples, more theories, more arch-types that are missing from this guide.

But, honestly, no one can include all of those. There's too many to keep track of, in that variety. So, I have to say, this is a damn good starting off-point to anyone who wants to explore a sexuality and gender beyond their own. The subjects beyond this point are far and infinite. And, if one were to explore them, give them the respect that they deserve, it could help whatever individual narrative they were trying to create a whole lot. A very lot. Lots and lots and lots. To the benefit of all.

So, g'job, Grak. G'job, g'job. G'job.

[mimloopen]

I don't have much to say on the topic of discussion because it's something that i'm sure everyone can agree with... to an extent at least. But am I the only one who when opening this, and only this, thread gets constant errors that scripts have stopped working and heavy freezing until i decide to press 'stop the scripts'?

Happens every time i click the thread. Script:http://ajax.cloudflare.com/cdn-cgi/nexp/v=3037830340/cloudflare.min.js:252

[Piroska]

It's a problem that pops up occasionally with CloudFlare. I had that problem earlier this evening, but it disappeared when I closed the browser and then returned to the site in a new window.


Edit: You could probably post about it in this thread just to help Kret track it.