TheFeedback

[ThePharaoh]

Could use some constructive criticism if y'all don't mind

[Caravan]

Hi, hi, Pharaoh!

Here are some of my observations:

Characters: Perhaps this is just from me only playing one character towards your many, but there doesn't seem to be much "presence" difference between many of your characters. There are subtle differences in, say, how they hold themselves and such but when they speak they all sound very much the same. It's one of those "If I close my eyes, I'm not sure if I'm speaking to Jidaeo or Zariel -- oh wait, one of them called me 'Princess', it must be Dad." (The exception to this that I've experience is Cerice, whom I do actually like, and she has a different presence from the others)

I suppose a primary example was just a "running theme" joke that was carried from not one character but three: The idea that one of the biggest "you shouldn't marry Kapre" reasons was because he would step on her feet. You brought this up with Zariel, Jidaeo and Amura. Especially coming from Amura (as he was the third one of your characters to do this), it felt very inorganic -- from all of these confrontational conversations Xanthe's had about her choice, those characters are the only ones who've brought it up. Had just one character -- like Amura, who would use such a petty argument as he wanted Xanthe for himself -- done it, it'd have been OK rather than feeling forced.

Writing: I find your forum IC posts very, very repulsive (in the legitimate "It turns me away" definition not the "PHARAOH, THIS SHI' UUUUUGLY, BRO" connotation) due to their unfriendly format. They are dense paragraphs with multiple speakers which makes it very difficult to understand who is speaking to whom. Please try to follow the writing conventions of giving each speaker their own line. If the character they're speaking with does not respond and remains silent, you can put that action in with the Speaker's section and let them continue speaking after the "nonresponsive" action.

For me personally, it can be distracting to the whole RP immersion if I'm constantly making stops while I'm reading to mentally correct someone's grammar and punctuation. Perhaps be a little more mindful of your use of punctuation and all that? Not a necessity, just a thought!


Anyway, best wishes! If you want, we can talk about it on Skype sometime.

[ThePharaoh]

Yeah a lot of truth glad to get an honest perspective honestly. I've openly questioned before if their was a visible difference between, Jidaeo, Zariel and Amura, pretty much all my cloaked elves really. Similar items of clothing do not help as well. I guess the running joke was poorly executed which that was all my intention was. It was unlikely three different people would say the same thing, but a running joke between the three obviously didn't help individuality.

As for the posts I should probably just take more time on them. Believe it or not I can write rather well I just don't proof read or really go into much depth to make them legitimate presentations. Just literal sketches if you will, most posts I get a burst of inspiration and type some things up real quick and post. Not my intention to make anything 'repulsive' though. It is something I will definitely keep in mind as far as the writing is concerned. Kage said something similar on this thread about having to re-read things. Patience seems to be key as it would be in vain for a story teller to lose their audience by a lack of conveyed information. Still looking forward to any feedback on any other things I've done or how I'm doing currently.

[Ben]

Hello!

While this isn't up to date, during the Nova storyline, the RP didn't seem all to accessible. I know that was a long time ago, but it kinda annoyed me then. The Nova storyline was quite a big thing, with regular RP, which...off point. Basically, accessibility was an issue. Probably resolved now, but any feedback is good feedback...right?

We've RPed after that (and some during) and apart from the above, I found the experiences to be good. I enjoyed them! I look forward to perhaps RPing again now I'm back.