Tell me how good (or bad) my writing is! /flail

[muhaha8]

So, I've started writing again. I quite like the story I'm putting out there, for everyone to read. But the question remains...

Do you guys like it? Why or why not?

Here's a link: http://www.conquestofthehorde.com/Thread-Broken-Aura

Also...

Hi guiz. I guess I'm sort of back.

[Loxmardin]

I think it's good. You're definitely going somewhere with it.

If I can be picky and nonsensical, though, I want to say that... The style of writing you've used throughout the entire thing strikes me as a bit odd in a number of ways. I just go by how it sounds when I read it, the tone that my inner voice takes when it works through your sentences.

It seems, in the first post, a bit forced. Many of the eloquent descriptions and rantings seem to be squeezed out with a bit too much effort and it doesn't flow very naturally. At least, that's how it sounds to me. It feels like you consciously tried to "make the words work" rather than let them come naturally as you tried to paint your picture, if that makes sense. It got a bit better in the following posts but it still popped out here and there.

Imagine someone telling this story at the campfire late at night and trying to be dramatic in his portrayal without putting the feeling behind it. Not saying you don't have feeling, though this is the way I read your text. I don't know if this could be worked on or even needs to be worked on, but that's just how I... "hear" it.

[muhaha8]

o/ Thanks, Loxxybox. <3

I get where you're coming from. Starting the story was a little difficult, as I had a certain... Feeling I was trying to portray, and I didn't really know exactly the words I wanted to use to do it. But I think that I'm starting to figure that out now.

I think the other part of the problem for readers is what I mentioned to you over Skype. I was trying to toy around with keeping the main figure of the story secret, as far as his identity. It'll probably become less difficult to read and decipher as time goes on now, though, as I've started to weave into it who he is, including a surname. I think it'll only become easier from here. But who knows? Not I.

Anyway, thank you!

[Xigo]

Please don't be offended by my frank analysis.
Think of it as personality dialysis.
Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sis(?)
There's nobody wiser.
To be your adviser.

About.

Roleplaying.

I know about roleplaying.

And with an assist from me.
You'll roleplay somebody.
Instead of dreary what you-well-were.

There's nothing that can stop you.
From becoming a roleplayer.

Now let's start.

... Because you've... got an awfully long waaaay to go.

((Don't really got much criticism beyond following through with yer stuff! Anywho! Keep it up. You've improved over time!))

We should roleplay together more.

You're a bro.