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Community Series: Apologizing
#1
... I don't know if it's actually going to be a series. I just figured it would be a better title than just "Apologizing" standing on it's own. First off, though, let me say that I am not pointing at anyone in particular or anything that may've happened recently (because I'm not; I'm not even sure if anything has happened recently). This is just something I saw in someone's blog off of CotH, and after watching it... I figured I'd share! Once you get past the guy's potentially annoying voice, it's all a good piece of advice and I think it won't hurt anyone to watch it and absorb what he has to say!

All in all, it's good advice. It's one of those "the world would be better if everyone did this" sort of things. ... Maybe I will start a series in my blog, just compiling guides and sharing videos for people to give inspiration and, generally, help people learn how to make their own community a better place for themselves and their fellow players!

Script, for those of you who can't stand his voice:
Spoiler:
I'm here to talk about how to apologize!

The slogan of <Some Name I Can't Hear> these past seven years has been "Don't forget to be awesome!", and that's a good slogan! Not because it is easy, but because it is hard!

Being awesome requires constant vigilance, and you will slip up! Whether because of ignorance, or because of selfishness, or because of outright malice, or because you're drunk!

But you have a choice, after you've done something crappy. You can transform into one of two things; either you can regain your awesome through actual apology, or you can become a Fartbag.

A fartbag--'tis a technical definition--is a person who hurt someone and then blames the person they hurt for their pain! It's like if I stepped on your toe, and then you were like "Ow!" and then I was like "God! Stop standing everywhere!".

I understand you didn't mean to step on the person's toe, but you still did and they're in pain, and you caused it, so apologize!

So I put together some DO's and DON'T''s on how to be awesome and not be a fartbag.

DON'T blame people for how they feel! If you're telling someone that you've hurt to not be so sensitive, that they're such a delicate flower, that they don't understand how the world works, they don't understand YOUR suffering, what you've been through, you're being a FARTBAG!

DO feel bad! I am sick of this idea that we're supposed to go through life experiencing the absolute minimum of negative emotions. If you did something sucky, you're supposed to feel bad about it. That's the definition of a conscience! That's how it's supposed to be!

DON'T, if you're apologizing, think that you're asking for forgiveness. That's not what you're doing. You have done something crappy to a person. You should not then, like, go forward and make additional requests of them. Yes, you can hope that your apology results in forgiveness--you can hope for that--but you are not requesting that!

DO figure out what you did wrong! Figure it out, understand it, believe it, internalize it--otherwise your apology's just going to be a load of poo because you're not going to actually think you did anything wrong, or you're going to end up blaming the person who is hurt. FARBAG.

DO figure out why you did the hurtful thing. Maybe it was because of ignorance, maybe because of insecurity, maybe because you were having a really super bad day and you really needed a snack. Spend that time in your own head figuring out.

And then DON'T make excuses, but DO provide context! The other person or the people understanding why you did what you did is not going to excuse what you did and it's not going to fix what you did but it might help them understand why you did what you did, and understanding is a really powerful force in human relationships.

DON'T just express sympathy. You can express sympathy but not just that, you also have to accept the blame. You are not sorry that your friend is hurt, you are sorry that you hurt your friend! Tell the people that you have hurt that you can see what you have done, know that you cannot undo it, but you will not do it again in the future.

DON'T think that you are losing, or that you are submitting. The biggest cause of fartbaggery is the belief that all social interactions are zero-sum games and I'm trying to win over you and that if I get you to apologize then I have won some kind of battle.

Apologizing is not a sign of weakness. People say that all the time. It's a sign of STRENGTH. It's a sign that you and your ego are strong enough to handle it when you make a mistake.

There's been some interesting research on this, actually, and it turns out that people who apologize FEEL WEAKER, but are PERCEIVED as STRONGER PEOPLE. Wheras fartbags FEEL STRONGER but they are PERCEIVED by the people around them as WEAKER.

I know which of those I'd rather [BLUR].

DON'T forget to tell the people that you hurt how you are going to change and, finally...

DO CHANGE.

Because otherwise, you are just a very eloquent, lying fartbag.
Here's the video:

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#2
I'm sorry, but that guy's voice.


Couldn't finish it. :C
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#3
Thank you. A thousand thank yous. A million thank yous.
[Image: 3HQ8ifr.gif]
Reply
#4
I'll copy down the script and post it just for you, Runsan. Just a moment!

Script, for those of you who can't stand his voice:
Spoiler:
I'm here to talk about how to apologize!

The slogan of <Some Name I Can't Hear> these past seven years has been "Don't forget to be awesome!", and that's a good slogan! Not because it is easy, but because it is hard!

Being awesome requires constant vigilance, and you will slip up! Whether because of ignorance, or because of selfishness, or because of outright malice, or because you're drunk!

But you have a choice, after you've done something crappy. You can transform into one of two things; either you can regain your awesome through actual apology, or you can become a Fartbag.

A fartbag--'tis a technical definition--is a person who hurt someone and then blames the person they hurt for their pain! It's like if I stepped on your toe, and then you were like "Ow!" and then I was like "God! Stop standing everywhere!".

I understand you didn't mean to step on the person's toe, but you still did and they're in pain, and you caused it, so apologize!

So I put together some DO's and DON'T''s on how to be awesome and not be a fartbag.

DON'T blame people for how they feel! If you're telling someone that you've hurt to not be so sensitive, that they're such a delicate flower, that they don't understand how the world works, they don't understand YOUR suffering, what you've been through, you're being a FARTBAG!

DO feel bad! I am sick of this idea that we're supposed to go through life experiencing the absolute minimum of negative emotions. If you did something sucky, you're supposed to feel bad about it. That's the definition of a conscience! That's how it's supposed to be!

DON'T, if you're apologizing, think that you're asking for forgiveness. That's not what you're doing. You have done something crappy to a person. You should not then, like, go forward and make additional requests of them. Yes, you can hope that your apology results in forgiveness--you can hope for that--but you are not requesting that!

DO figure out what you did wrong! Figure it out, understand it, believe it, internalize it--otherwise your apology's just going to be a load of poo because you're not going to actually think you did anything wrong, or you're going to end up blaming the person who is hurt. FARTBAG.

DO figure out why you did the hurtful thing. Maybe it was because of ignorance, maybe because of insecurity, maybe because you were having a really super bad day and you really needed a snack. Spend that time in your own head figuring out.

And then DON'T make excuses, but DO provide context! The other person or the people understanding why you did what you did is not going to excuse what you did and it's not going to fix what you did but it might help them understand why you did what you did, and understanding is a really powerful force in human relationships.

DON'T just express sympathy. You can express sympathy but not just that, you also have to accept the blame. You are not sorry that your friend is hurt, you are sorry that you hurt your friend! Tell the people that you have hurt that you can see what you have done, know that you cannot undo it, but you will not do it again in the future.

DON'T think that you are losing, or that you are submitting. The biggest cause of fartbaggery is the belief that all social interactions are zero-sum games and I'm trying to win over you and that if I get you to apologize then I have won some kind of battle.

Apologizing is not a sign of weakness. People say that all the time. It's a sign of STRENGTH. It's a sign that you and your ego are strong enough to handle it when you make a mistake.

There's been some interesting research on this, actually, and it turns out that people who apologize FEEL WEAKER, but are PERCEIVED as STRONGER PEOPLE. Wheras fartbags FEEL STRONGER but they are PERCEIVED by the people around them as WEAKER.

I know which of those I'd rather [BLUR].

DON'T forget to tell the people that you hurt how you are going to change and, finally...

DO CHANGE.

Because otherwise, you are just a very eloquent, lying fartbag.
Reply
#5
Thank you!
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#6
This is honestly the first time I've ever heard people complain about Hank's voice, haha.

Certainly an informative video, and the video referenced at the end is even more useful.
10,000 days in the fire is long enough,
You're going home...
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#7
His voice drove me up the wall the first time I listened to him, but I got over it and listened a few more times. It's his way of exaggerating certain consonants that bothers me, I think.

Besides that, yeah. I liked the video and the thought behind it.
Reply
#8
I...I liked his voice. :(
Reply
#9
It's the inflections he forces in the vid. It somewhat sounds out of place and makes me cringe at the fakeness a little bit. It's like when some people do the "Party laugh", it just makes the hair on my neck stand straight up.
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