Getting Down: Love and Eroticism in Roleplay

[raerae]

Accurately roleplaying a gay character of any kind can be hard to pull off realistically! But yeah, I've seen my fair share of super femmy men and super butch lesbians. Normal people find love too, and most of them wouldn't even signal your gaydar. Just sayin'~

[Ural]

I love the maturity and respect in this guide. Great work, and courage, to put it together.

[Rowgen]

This comes to mind:

Spoiler:

On a serious note, though. I approve of this post.

I love the maturity and respect in this guide. Great work, and courage, to put it together.

[Wuvvums]

1.) Not every gay male is effeminate, and not every lesbian woman is manly. I've seen some very horrific displays of gay and lesbian characters in my RP experiences. I've also seen some that were refreshingly realistic. I make this point for anyone who wishes to portray these types of characters, that if you do, keep it diverse! We all love to fight for our favorite race, and say that "Not all Dwarves are drink-happy macho men and women" or "Not all male BElves are women" or "Not all Orcs are mindless, battle-happy peons". The same should apply to gay and lesbian characters.

2.) Gay and lesbian relationships are exactly the same as any other. Another often-used trope is to make gay and lesbian characters excessively touchy-feely. It often comes across as trying to throw the fact that they are gay in the faces of other players, ICly and OOCly. While you character can have pride, they are more likely to do what most couples spend their time doing. Treat it like you would a heterosexual relationship. You will also find a lot more people willing to roleplay with your character if they aren't afraid you are going to get busy right on top of them.

Man, have I seen some cringe-worthy depictions of homosexuality on the server before. Yeesh...

Also: needs more orc man-love.

This always made me hesitant to do lesbian rp most of the time. I just felt like some of it was treated more like fetish than love. I actually had one long ago that wasn't a sexual relationship between the characters but a very passionate and strong one, and sometimes had a mix of betrayal and abuse.



I admittedly make my gay males effeminate but I think this is more my preference towards feminine qualities than a stereotype itself. I just prefer to make my main characters somewhat like a girl, especially in drawing. I think I've seen this commonly in anyone who emphasizes cuteness, especially in drawing. Just offering another perspective of why some people like effeminate men.

[McKnighter]

I think I do a pretty good job about each of my relationships and the different romances I have going on.

I have characters on either side of the bar, from the most chaste individuals to those who like to have causal sex to a certain degree. Regardless of any side, I've always enjoyed a good romance between two characters, as cliche as it was pointed out, it normally has a huge impact and sometimes turn around for the character's otherwise lonely life.

Spoiler:

I won't get into detail on why I enjoy romances, mostly because I believe it stems from the lack of romance in my life and in society around me. Where everyone just wants a quick f**k, I just want to enjoy another's company. :\ But yeah, not going there.

If it does lead to sex/ERP, then it happens. I'm normally not picky about it since it's just natural and normal for such to occur between two lovers, unless the other person starts pulling out some weird stuff. I've had to cut off a few relationships due to OOCly me not wanting to comply with a gore fetish. >_>

So, yeah. Romances and stuff can be fine when done right. I personally like a more realistic approach of long development of the relationship between two characters rather than a quick, condescend version. One of the best romances I experienced literally scaled over half a year.

But, yeah. This is a really good guide! o/

[Mezrin]

Y'know, this is a pretty good guide, Jonoth. My only psuedo-relationship I've got going is, in fact, a homosexual one, between Gorzan and Gunnar, so GG all, but I think I do it well. Gorzan is a manly orc who isn't centered around the fact that he's gay, no, he has other interesting tidbits about him that make up his character.

I guess a main point I have is that a gay character's main trait should not be their sexuality. It should just be a side-bar thing, in my eyes, because characters centered around the fact that they're gay tend to be ridiculous.

[Jason]

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Interracial Relationships

*Grumble, grumble, old man sniffle*

All in all, interesting guide. I didn't expect anyone to touch this subject. After all, you don't find many qualified Science Ministers with a degree in Philosophy.

[Ural]

It should just be a side-bar thing...

I like how this applies generally to all relationships. I'm confident my characters are separate from their intimate encounters. When in doubt I ask myself, "Would anything change if we just fade-to-black instead?"

[Krent]

This was an interesting guide. I do have some criticism, albeit very minor ones that aren't worth erring. Mainly, I find love to be too wide and subjective of a topic to accurately discuss. A guide on love just seems...strange to me. Although you do do a good job of touching up on the ritualistic habits of other races, I feel like too much of the guide is done explaining the meta-narrative of it. The OOC and not the RP. And, sorry to say, but so much of it seems like...common sense.

Although, I know the old saying "common sense isn't common". Maybe I'm too optimistic, but people generally know to get OOC consent when engaging in eRP. Right? Right....? Oh dear Darwin.

Anyway, romance RP is the one type of RP that I've actively shied away from. I've ERP'd a plenty, but I've never gone so far as to have one of my characters have a committed relationship. This is most likely due to my own personality; the closest thing I ever gotten to a conventional relationship was an open poly-amorous one with two friends. The whole "One person + one person" convention never, ever worked for me IRL. Thus, I don't even want to try to attempt one in the RP world.

But, at the same time, I'm a pervert who likes dirty writing. And I don't hide under the pretense of 'erotica' or 'art'. No, I like to call what I do what it is; low down dirty porn. Nothing artistic or creative about it. Just smutty smutley smut. The problem is, that I rarely ever have a character who's 'fit' for these sort of things. And when I do, they're just not the type who I would really want to explore sexual territory with.

I'll give ya an example; 'Punk Rofu'. Back when Rofupi was all mohawk and hard drinking and street brawling. Part of his characterization was that he was an out-of-control, emotional wreck of a gnome with latent self-destructive tendencies. In his backstory, he was highly promiscuous, bedding gnome, goblin, and the occasional dwarf during his wild Ratchet nights.

How many times did I actually get down on Rofu?

0. None. Zilch.

Why? Because gnome sex would just be too funny. Especially given Rof's personality. It'd be more comedic than anything.

Another problem is that, quite honestly, people don't know how to eRP right. This sort of ties into your "Erotica" vs "Sex", but I find that most people don't even do the "sex" right. One thing I've noticed in my RP years is that the skills required to write a good sexual narrative are the same that make a good combat one.

They both require an engaging mind, quick typing speed, reactionary presence, physical knowledge, and plain 'ol creativity. People who can make good combat posts are generally the people who can eRP well. The problem with that?

Most of the players who have the intellect and skills necessary for crafting a good porn-narrative aren't the types who do it frequently. They're all hemmed up on that whole "Romance RP" thing, which I'm terribly averted to. Oh, yeah, and I'm not the type who advertises for that kinda thing. I have a very selective screening process 'cause too many players out there are freaking crazy. I've had to deal with obsessive stalkers in the past and, yeah, just no thanks.

The problem I have with advertising for eRP or romance RP is that it feels too forceful of a narrative. The best 'love stories' are the ones that evolve organically. I could never actively seek out someone else for that kind of RP. Sure, OOC collaboration is necessary to a certain degree, but I could never create a character solely to be someone's love interest for the same reason why I could never create a character solely to fit Role X of Guild Y. It just...wouldn't work.

On the topic of homosexuals...yeah. I've done a pretty bad job portraying them. Terribly offensive, even. That's why I shy away from that RP. That, and I'm too conscious about gender issues to even think about rolling a female. I was planning on making a female character sometime last century, but real life kind of sapped my energy from that. I really, really, really don't want to be one of "those guys" who rolls a terribly cliched, sexist female character that acts as nothing more than a walking fetish. But if I try my hand at making a female toon, I might just do that, inadvertently.

Or maybe I'm thinking too much. Yeah, that's it, I think too much. To give an example, for the female-character-in-planning, I had her modeled after a sort of chivalric knight character. One who was all 'Light and Kingdom'. For her weaponry, I was planning on having her fight with a spear...but then I said to myself "OH WOW THAT'S AN INTERESTING CHOICE OF WEAPONRY YOU GOT THERE FOR YOUR HIGHLY MASCULINE FEMALE CHARACTER I'M SURE MR. FREUD WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A TALK WITH YOU". Even though I'm sure no one would have had an issue with it...I would.

Eh. Will I ever do the whole romance RP sub-plot thingy? Maybe. The problem is, with the way I write my characters, a love interest would have to be...I don't even know. Unique. Terribly strange and utterly unique. I couldn't imagine what kind of woman would turn monk Rofu into an honest gnome. And Corlmitz? No woman in their right mind would go near that bastard! It'd have to be a very crazy, organic process. And even then I'd probably resist it OOC'ly. Just. 'Cause.

WOW KRENT WAY TO BE DISCURSIVE AGAIN GOOD JOB.

[Jonoth]

I've had a similar experience as Rof on Remyl. His background is a multi-divorced womanizer, who talks about visiting brothels and having his way with just about any race willing. And I've never ERPed with him in the entire history of the character. I have more fun playing with language on him than I ever would if he actually got down and dirty. And it's all about choice.

It's why choice and consent played such a huge roll in the guide. In writing it, a lot of what I heard people wanted addressed was the consent stuff, not just the asking about it but about the stigmas that go along with being on either side of the coin. So one of the major points I hoped to get across was that no matter what path people chose, from abstinent to lubby dubby to down and dirty, its all about what the player finds comfortable to them. And a lot of experienced RPers will see that as common sense, as even I see it that way now. But we could all use a reminder once in a while, and the first time and fairly new RPers could benefit from seeing the kinds of interactions they might be approached with.

As for the quality of erotic roleplay, I liken it to the quality of combat. Someone with a lot of real experience is going to perceive things different than someone to little or none. So we replace it with what we have ready access to, which is how those things are depicted in entertainment. So you are more likely to get fantasy-style relationships than realistic ones. Reminds me of an interesting video I saw on TED.com once where they discussed how men develop their views on sexuality from pornography, and end up with a host of misnomers.

[Harmonic]

Krent's giant post of Krentliness.

I like your logic behind the fighting and eRPing stuff, it made me chuckle when I thought about it.


Now like, every fight I participate in, I imagine will have some ludicrous 70's erotic music with it.

"Rensin grabs his two handed staff, and tries to swing it wildly at Rofupi... oh boy I hope it's a crit. <3"

[mimloopen]

I dont exactly know what to write here except uh I agree with the original post. Particularly the part about the 'in-your-face' touchyfeely lesbians. Although the most important thing is that the people in a romance rp have fun without ruining the experience of some nearby fella who wanted to find some nice tavern chat rp and found a gnome and an orc playing "Will it fit?"

[Wuvvums]

I dont exactly know what to write here except uh I agree with the original post. Particularly the part about the 'in-your-face' touchyfeely lesbians. Although the most important thing is that the people in a romance rp have fun without ruining the experience of some nearby fella who wanted to find some nice tavern chat rp and found a gnome and an orc playing "Will it fit?"

I remember going to some zones to rp and the only emotes I could see were people making out and it would go on for emotes and emotes. I think at the time we had this married couple in the background just talking about their day, their accomplishments, what they think of the future..

Romance is different for everyone but I guess I can't imagine a locking-lips thing that goes on for several posts. I also don't think a romance can be fueled entirely by passion. I always feel like it's good if there's some common ground, where you can take a break and do something normal. Sometimes I think of my boyfriend as both a partner and a best friend. I think the most blatant way we came out with a pairing is that two of our characters had the same last name, for example. I always find married couples to be rather cute c:

Spoiler:

I find it awkward to find deeply passionate rp around though. This is mostly because... I find tongue-kissing and lip-locking to be a prelude to sex. I don't usually see it as something done in public as opposed to say a hug, or a kiss on the lips. Maybe some people don't understand how stirring it can be to kiss like that?

[Piken]

Krent's thing of beauty

/roll system with ERP, Krent? IT CAN BE ME, YOU AND RENSIN. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

Agreed heavily with the needing the 'organic' feeling. And even more, I don't like advertising things period(always feels like grasping, to me. ._.), especially anything 'romantic'. All of my characters that have been in romances have kept them very secret(even if everyone says "o dey ttly togevur") and more focused on being just between the two of them.

There was more I wanted to put into this.. But I forgot it all. So fuggit.

But! A very good guide, IMO, still!

[Krent]

...now that I've had a bit of time to think about it, I want to rescind my previous "consent is common sense" statement in more favor of Jonoth's elaboration of that point. I remembered a time before the latest restart, back when I was doing stuff with Corlmitz. Way back in the day.

Corlmitz was having a hush-hush conversation with a blood elf over some mercenary workings. It was one of those "Anyone who caught eaves dropping on this convo will wish they didn't" kind of things. A young blood elf female, being a curious type she is, decided to sneak in to spy on the two. We issued a character warning to her OOC'ly upon her entry into the room, but she said "I'm fine with the consequences!"

Needless to say, Corlmitz and his associate were not happy. And so, Corlmitz knocked her out by smacking her in the head with the butt of her rifle (she agreed to that). On that moment, the associate said "Go on and dump her out of town", and Corlmitz agreed, hoisting the young elf up to go carry her outside."

On the way over to the outside, the female elf started panicking OOC'ly to me in whispers. She said, in an OOC way "Is my character about get raped?". I replied, "...are you kidding me?", thinking it was some kind of joke. She was serious. "I've had this happen before on retail and I couldn't do anything other than log out."

It was in that moment when I realized how spoiled I was by private servers. I replied "What the f**k? No! That's not how it is here. First off, Corlmitz isn't attracted to blood elves in the slightest sense. He finds them ugly, due to their lack of muscles and grit. Secondly, even if he was that isn't something anyone can do on this server. Unless you consent OOC'ly to a rape fantasy, that kind of thing is strictly off limits. If anyone should try to tell ya otherwise, take screens of it and send 'em to the GM!"

She was all "Ohhh, so thats how it is here? Thank god!" Afterwards, Corlmitz threw her body right into a muddy pile outside of town, and walked away to go back to his associate.

I didn't think much of the incident. Thought it was an isolated case, an oddity that wasn't worth addressing. But, looking back on it now, I see how its reflective of the "outside world" as far as private RP servers go. So now, I'll tell ya Jonoth, good job on elaborating on the consent part. It plays a bigger part in this discussion than I previously thought.

...and an eRP roll-fight would be hilarious.

*Rofupi takes off his pants!*

/roll 100

7

*Everyone starts laughing*

"I-its just the cold, guys! And the wind! I...I..."

*Rofupi runs off crying*