Getting Down: Love and Eroticism in Roleplay

[Jonoth]

Spoiler:

So the look of love is in your eyes, eh?

Within all living creatures lay very basic instincts. Fight or flight is probably the most relevant to the fantasy RPG genre, as the name says it all: World of Warcraft. In a roleplaying setting, characters will explore more than just the battlefield, and in the process of making aquaintances, you will sometimes (or in my Dwarf Remyl's case, often) find yourself in a position (or few) to end up with a significant other. That special someone who gives you that motivation to go on when the world is bearing down on you. That important person whose life you hold dear, and that you take up sword to defend with every fiber of your being. Or maybe it's just that lady at the bar who had too much to drink, and is pretty much down for whatever. Whatever the case, love can happen even in the face of war, and hopefully this will prove useful on navigating the waters.

What is love? (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me)

First off, the important question to ask: what is love? This is a universally debated topic, and can have a lot of variety in answers. For the sake of this article, I will use a very simple definition one of my psychology professors used to level the ground:

Love. An informed preference towards someone's wants and needs.

It's a definition that spans many kinds of relationships, because love isn't defined by what a person is. Saying you love a friend or relative or pet and saying you love a significant other means essentially the same. The thing that varies is the relationship, so the relationship with your mother and the relationship with your girlfriend will be the thing that is different. Unless we are dealing with incest, which is its own topic for a different time.

Love customs are wide and varied across the different races as they are across real-life cultures. Some interesting facts:

• Outside of Humans, mate is the most common way races refer to their spouses.
  
• Wildhammer Dwarves have a single day every year where all weddings are performed! They also have a single day for all birthdays, and a single day of remembrance for the dead.
  
• Old Jungle Troll customs have wives as "trophies", and it is not uncommon for a Troll warrior under the old ways to have many wives as a show of status. While the New Horde has limited some of the older Troll traditions, it would be safe to assume that many still adhere to these old ways, even in secret.
  

I break down love here because in the case of significant others we tend to view it in a solely sexual manner, but this is not the case. Love exists outside the boundaries of physical relationships, so we must view them as separate as we delve into more adult issues. Issues such as...

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Interracial Relationships

Interracial relationships, as a general rule of thumb, are frowned upon in most WoW cultures. The half-breed offspring often face heavy prejudice, especially when the races generally oppose each other. Even with allied races such as High Elves and Humans, the reasons for prejudice can range from jealousy by Humans over their extended lifespan to feelings of a weakening blood line on the part of the High Elves. Whatever the reason is, races usually prefer to stick to their own kind, so portraying an interracial couple will likely earn you IC ire. The problem arises when those feelings become OOC ones. The three arguments are usually one of the following:

• OMG! This is the World of Warcraft, not Lovecraft! You're supposed to hate each other! HAET!
  
• OMG! My character can love whoever they want, cause he/she/it is PROGRESSIVE!
  
• OMG! There is no way that male Tauren can have sex with that female Gnome! He'd KILL her!
  

Let's examine each of these! The first argument has a very significant counter in literary precedent. Romeo and Juliet is used almost as a textbook for most modern wartime romances, whether it be fighting families or fighting countries, or that Russian spy that always tends to fall in love with the British/American secret agent in film. Somehow, love is used as the universal beacon of light in the dark, and while a bit cliche at times, you will be hard-pressed to remove such a common literary tool, mostly because at its heart it is quite a plausible one.

The second one rings true in theory. However, there are three important points to remember when dealing with being in the relationship. When I decided to roll Yancy, my Gnome married to a Blood Elf, I had to take into account that a) I needed a valid reason why two people of opposite factions would get together in the first place, b) that they were from two different races and I needed to justify why they would find each other attractive, and c) that I would need to be ready to face IC consequences, and roleplay my character as being aware that there are consequences to the relationship. Point A is resolved by the existance of neutral towns, in Yancy's case Dalaran. However, this is where many who try to go interracial tend to cease their development. Point B was how I created the character in the first place, and arguably the most important point of the three. I came to the realization that Blood Elves and Gnomes both shared a love of learning (grounded in both science and magic), and that both had lost 90% of their population during the Third War after the corruption of their homeland. So my character and his wife would have certain philosophical and emotional points to connect on, and meeting in a center of learning was the perfect point for this to happen.

For the third point, I primarily go back to my discussion on the definition of love. Obviously, there is a certain physical compatability between certain races, but I think too often we get caught up in the physicalities of relationships that we forget that there is more to it. So if two characters are in love, it may not necessarily be a physical thing. However, I will agree that it is more likely that there is some kind of physical component to it.

He Loves Him (Yeah Yeah Yeah)

It is also important to discuss gay and lesbian relationships, as there are quite a few of them. A few things to keep in mind are:

1.) Not every gay male is effeminate, and not every lesbian woman is manly. I've seen some very horrific displays of gay and lesbian characters in my RP experiences. I've also seen some that were refreshingly realistic. I make this point for anyone who wishes to portray these types of characters, that if you do, keep it diverse! We all love to fight for our favorite race, and say that "Not all Dwarves are drink-happy macho men and women" or "Not all male BElves are women" or "Not all Orcs are mindless, battle-happy peons". The same should apply to gay and lesbian characters.

2.) Gay and lesbian relationships are exactly the same as any other. Another often-used trope is to make gay and lesbian characters excessively touchy-feely. It often comes across as trying to throw the fact that they are gay in the faces of other players, ICly and OOCly. While you character can have pride, they are more likely to do what most couples spend their time doing. Treat it like you would a heterosexual relationship. You will also find a lot more people willing to roleplay with your character if they aren't afraid you are going to get busy right on top of them.

3.) Gays and lesbians are probably perceived much the same way they are in real life. What I mean is, that the places in which you go will likely have a huge impact on how your relationship is viewed. If someone ICly reacts very negatively to your relationship, then it is a product of their character, and understand that its something that will exist in society. However, if you are receiving OOC hatred for your character, send logs to the GM team, so it can be appropriately dealt with.

Love...Just Got Real

Before I get into the more adult discussion of ERP, there is another important topic to discuss, one that very often gets left out.

In December of 2008, I joined my first MMORPG. It was a new experience for me, the biggest part of it dealing with differentiating IC and OOC. After adapting to the environment, I eventually found myself in a band of thuggish outlaws, and it was one fateful day that I was sent someone to train my character ICly. Her demeanor was intriguing, and my character playfully bantered with her as she taught him the finer points of sword fighting. They were married a month later, being quite the mercenary tandem, and it was a great experience! Months later, we were talking outside of the game, finding that like our characters, we had a lot in common, and enjoyed the pleasure of sharing laughs and just speaking with each other. We would eventually video chat over skype, and eventually, I took my first plane ride since I was damn near an infant to go see the girl that had me smitten. It was a huge chance, but years later we are still together.

While this sounds like a fairy tale, it is far from it. And it could have been much different if one of us did not feel the same as the other. I'll be the first to admit that going to meet someone I met over the internet was a huge (and potentially dangerous) decision. Granted, I had spoken to her family over Skype as well, and most signs pointed towards things appearing normal, but that does not mean I couldn't have ended up missing. My case was likely the exception, as opposed to the rule, and I write this because I am sure that there are some people who may have developed real feelings for their favorite RP partner, especially ones they engage in an IC relationship with as those can feel very real. I want to make some things very clear about the situation.

1.) The person on the other end most likely sees the relationship as purely roleplay. If you tie down your personal emotions to your character, there is a high chance you will be OOCly hurt. Learn to keep your IC and OOC separate, especially if you plan on relationship RP. If you bond outside of the realm of the game, then great! Just know that the other person may still not be romantically inclined towards you, and you still run a high chance of ending up hurt.

2.) Be wary of meeting people you met online. I put months of thought into deciding to meet my eventual girlfriend. It wasn't until recently that I finally met someone else I knew in game, who lived in my same state and worked in my city. And I only did so while accompanied by my girlfriend who happened to be in town and who also is also friends with the player. Whether for romance or hanging out, you have to be careful. If you do decide to meet someone, never do it at their home. Always do it in a public space where there are plenty of people.

3.) If somehow the two of you make it, and start up a long distance relationship, it is going to be harder than most anything you've done. Especially if you are like me, and live an ocean away from the other person. Long periods of only having a screen to see them. No way to hold them when they are sad. Or happy. I'm being very blunt with this, because honestly it's what kills most long distance relationships. If you are going through with it, be prepared for the loneliness. If you have the patience to handle it, then more power to you!

Bowchikabowow: Getting Down To Business

Note: Spoilered for adult-ish themes. If you intend to engage in any adult roleplay, you should read the following.

Spoiler:

Oh yeah. The section you've all been waiting for. You've been a bad, bad RPer, haven't you? You need a span....

...right. So, you all want to know about sex and RP. First thing is first: you should not roll a character whose sole purpose is to ERP. While interactions may eventually lead to it, your character at its heart should still be a character, one who you intend to develop further. Even the most sex-crazed fool has a history and a reason why they are the way they are. I find that those characters, meaning the ones that appear single-minded but have much more depth of character, tend to be the most interesting because you never expect that moment of vunerability. Once you have your character and their love interest, there is an important thing to bring up as we get into the more mature discussion.

Do You Want It, Baby? Consent and You

No erotic roleplay should take place without the consent of all involved parties. This means presenting a clear written warning that sexual activity is taking place, and allowing the person an option to decline. And it is important to know that it only takes one 'no' to decline. If any player continues to attempt to get you involved in a sexual situation beyond the first refusal, send the logs to a GM. It does not make you a bad RPer to refuse a sexual encounter! Likewise, it does not make you a bad RPer wanting to engage in ERP, and you are not a bad person for wanting to do it, as long as both you and your partner(s) all understand what is to happen, and that all involved are completely comfortable with the intentions of the RP. You should never feel obliged to take part in any RP you are not comfortable with.

Rape

I want to get extremely serious a moment, because this is a very sensitive subject for many, and especially when handling it on an RP server.

You should avoid any scenarios that end in rape. I understand that rape is more common than people wish it was, and that character development can come from the situation. However, the traumatic effects that it has on its victims make it an issue that needs to be handled with tact.

In the US, 1 out of every 6 women and 1 out of every 33 men are victims of attempted or completed rape. Which means, there is a high chance that the person you are roleplaying with right now, male or female, has gone through such an event. They may not wish to participate in rape RP, as they wish to leave such experiences outside of the game. We all have a responsibility to be respectful of this choice. If you should find yourself in an RP where your character intends to rape another, you must have their consent in writing. If you cannot provide logs with the person specifically consenting to the rape, then do not engage in the RP. This is not covered by a general character warning, either. You must be specific and clear that this will take place, and have a specific and clear agreement that it is consented. No "we'll see where it leads" or "are you okay with these guys having their way with you?". There must be no room for interpretation. It is a very strict way to look at it, but consider this: the act of rape is forcing an action (in this case sex) on another unwilling participant. Forcing that type of RP on another person is no different.

Sex vs. Eroticism

Years ago, I was hired as the regular DJ for a monthly erotic poetry showcase. Within the genre, I tend to find that there are two types of poems: sex poems and erotic poems. Sex poems were just that: pure, unadulterated, and unfiltered descriptions of two people having sex in its many forms. It's raw and usually very crude. Erotic poems tended to be more tactful, with an emphasis on teasing and alluring. I bring this up because many will see ERP as being just the sex, but really all the foreplay leading to it is covered in that as well. And having ERPed before, when done right and with an awesome (an most importantly willing) partner, it can be an excellent experience. What I will say, however, is...

No one wants to see your web cam.

In other words, there is a simple line of RP, where once you get into a certain territory, you should take it to a private channel. Party, raid, whispers, custom channel...whatever you have to do, go for it. Just not where everyone else can read it. And how do you know you're in private channel range? I'll make it easy on you:

• Holding hands - No need for a private channel. Anyone who can't handle hand-holding probably shouldn't be playing violent games.
  
• Making out/cuddling - Still no private channel needed if we're talking about two people kissing in a normal hug/embrace. You may want to anyway, if this is the jump off point to start down the road to...
  
• Massaging/Touching - Once hands (or anything else) start exploring bodies, this is where you definitely have to get into a private channel. Because once you've gotten here, like in real life, you are looking to score. Also, even if you don't score, this is where you enter a realm where some of the younger players may be absolutely uncomfortable, so a little restraint is in order.
  
• Sex - If you ended up just skipping past the previous steps to here, then yes, you should already be in a private channel.
  

He's So Tauren, and She's So Gnome...

Now then, to the issue of varying races and sizes. In RL, human males can vary highly in size and weight, from 5 feet and under to over 7 feet tall! For all this variety, you may find it interesting that according to research, "the average erect penis length to be 14–16 cm (5.5–6.3 in) and girth to be 12–13 cm (4.7–5.1 in)". Yes, there are obviously people that are larger in size than others, but to put it in perspective, a 7-foot male human could have sex with a female midget of 4 feet (admit it, you are totally thinking about it right now). A Tauren, at it's largest allowable height, can be 8 feet 10 inches tall. And while noticibly bulkier in upper-body build, they have a comparably minor difference in hips and lower body size. So while a Tauren player may think they must be packing a train car, they likely only gain a couple of inches in additional size. Which can be a lot, but not a "splitting this lady in half" difference.

Pregnancy, however, is another issue. The biggest problems would arise from races with feature that may be unkind to a different race's womb, such as horns or hooves. As the server does not allow interracial pregnancy, you won't have to deal with those complications.

Final Thoughts

Love is a normal part of life. It is not surprising to see it in a roleplaying environment, and nor should it be discouraged. One simple has to remember that behind the avatar is a person, and that we have to be respectful of the emotions that can get involved with dealing in a topic that hits so close to home. But as long as you remember to be respectful and polite, then you should find it to be a beautiful experience. Now, go make love -and- war!

Further reading: c0rzilla's and ImagenAyshun's Guide to Role Playing Pregnancy

[Loxmardin]

I love this guide.

Ah hah ha.

[Harmonic]

See. My first experience with roleplay, was tabletop. Me, and my friends. Bad smelling, big guys, with manly beards and the like.

The last thing I thought of was sex.

Honestly, I didn't have any inclination for eRP or "romance" RP until I came to CoTH. Until I came to CoTH, I mostly played female characters that were oblivious and impervious to the dreaded cybering that plagued retail.

Now, I'll do it if it comes by... honestly, though, I could live without it. I'm of the opinion too many people put emphasis on relationships and the like during roleplay, and it can even stifle players, or make them not want to be around as much.

I know rules are in place in regards to comfort during roleplay... but there's tons of pressure. And it's subtle, because of the rules, but it's ever-present.

[Kage]

Great guide anyway, just makes me giggle a lot

[Caravan]

Alllll this talk about FEMALE gnooomes....

Spoiler:

[aroes]

This can be my only response.

[Sersay]

*Eyebrow waggle*

[Sol]

How you doin'?

[Sorum]

My virgin eyes cannot see emotes of holding hands.. make it stop!

In all seriousness, aside from the ''lulzy'' aura it may have it is infact a good guide about which I agree. We all know that there are quite some characters with the only purpose being to have wild hands holding with others. Sooo I hope they are reading.

Personal experience... rather lacking with these characters or well in general with that kind of people.

[Ozewse]

.....

It made me blush. This is -definitely- a great guide.

[flammos200]

Good guide.

"So, what were you two doing while I was gone?"
"Uh... hugging."
"Hugging? For an hour?"
"It was a really long hug."

[Hawk]

I'm about to read this guide whilst playing What Is Love.

[Clovis]

Truly, a valuable read for the modern Cothian.

[Piken]

Hey, Forsaken are capable of love, too! Don't forget that.

But a very good guide and enjoyable read. Well done. :B

[Lendri]

Hey, Forsaken are capable of love, too!

Yep! Endling and Clovis I bet are adurbur behind the scenes~
Thooouughh, there are couples that are just Forsaken. And we need more of them.