The secrets of RP part one- Improv!

[FlyingSquirrel]

-Someone romantically interested in them?
Slap them, and tell them about Fala'thorei.
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Slap them, and threaten their life.
-Having a child?
Raise it peacefully.
-Friends/family killed?
/gloat, then drag to a Druid.
-Being outsmarted?
Slap them, then threaten their life.
-Being told a bland joke?
/facepalm.
-Stepping on a nail?
Rip it out and throw it into a wall.
-Eating something disgusting?
Spit it out, criticize cook.
-Buying a slave?
Most likely treat slave as child.

[Uthaniel]

Uthaniel Runewalker
-Someone romantically interested in them?
Uthaniel would blink, smile, and announce. "I'm taken. Sorry."
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
He's the headmaster of his own school now - such thing is impossible. If it happened, however, I guess he'd accept it. Life is life, and, well, life sucks. He'd resent the boss, though.
-Having a child?
Might as well.
-Friends/family killed?
Vengeance. Simple like that.
-Being outsmarted?
IMPOSSIBLE!

But otherwise, he'd most likely mentally search for arguments until he wins.
-Being told a bland joke?
Laugh.
-Stepping on a nail?
"Oh, f- My f-- foot, who was the mindless goon who put that blasted thing over there?!" And proceed to remove it.
-Eating something disgusting?
Refuse to eat it. Conjure his own.
-Buying a slave?
Make it work for his or her freedom. Eventually free them once they've paid their debt, perhaps with some profit on his part. He'd treat them well, though not too well.

[Sindol]

-Eating something disgusting?
Eat teeny tiny bites of it as slowly as possible.

Haha. I can only picture her suffering through a disgusting meal so slowly. Like a kid waiting for her parents to tell her she can get up from the dinner table.

[Spiralin]

This seems really fun, so I'll do one for my newest and most interesting(In my mind) characters, Faorar.

-Someone romantically interested in them?
----Accept it, give that person a once over, try to further such relationship, be very chivalrous.
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
----Quit and leave, if he's not worth his position, why stay? If someone sees him fit enough to demote him, he'll find himself fit enough to just leave.
-Having a child?
----Being joyed, hoping that the child is normal, and hopefully will be able to raise it with a great wife.
-Friends/family killed?
----Cry a bit while in a private place, mourn the death with certain types of clothes.
-Being outsmarted?
----Curse himself in the head, congratulate the other person, then review what he did wrong and how to fix it so he's never outsmarted again.
-Being told a bland joke?
----Laugh appropriately, but tell them the truth in the end, even if it hurts.
-Stepping on a nail?
----He'd curse and fall over, after seeing the nail if still stuck in his foot, curse some more before letting loose his anger by punting his imp.
-Eating something disgusting?
----Go through with it, swallowing, and then politely finishing the meal, only to speak the truth afterwards privately to the person who prepared it.
-Buying a slave?
----Treat them nicely, dress them, respect them, and in turn expect them to do the same overtime. If not, they're given freely to someone who would treat them much much worse, so they're able to see how much of a better deal they would've had if they stayed with Faorar.

[HolyHiveMind]

Astia.
-Someone romantically interested in them?
Sigh and walk away.
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Burn them on the spot. Take over their bosses position.
-Having a child?
Never.
-Friends/family killed?
Friends? What friends?
-Being outsmarted?
Probably kill the person who outsmarted her. Unless they're stronger.
-Being told a bland joke?
Sigh and walk away.
-Stepping on a nail?
Shriek and rip it out, throwing it as far away as possible.
-Eating something disgusting?
Nope.
-Buying a slave?
Make it do slave labor. Obviously.

[Anski]

Navren "The Man With the Plan" Windstrider
-Someone romantically interested in them?
Laugh, and tell them to get lost.
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Deal with it and talk about the circle of one's fate.
-Having a child?
Son, raise it to take another place in the Demon Hunter circle. Daughter, ignore it and send it with someone else.
-Friends/family killed?
Meditation for hours on end.
-Being outsmarted?
Anger, building attempt to violently proceed.
-Being told a bland joke?
Lean back, stern look, and scratch the moustachops.
-Stepping on a nail?
Eh. Grunt, do nothing.
-Eating something disgusting?
Tear into it. He's had raw demon flesh.
-Buying a slave?
Release, unless it's a warlock. Then it dies.

[Reese]

Safksha Shadowedge

Someone romantically interested in them?
"Uh... uh... Look over there! /flee"
Come to think of it, he's genuinely awkward around such matters, or he should be. He sees himself as a neutral guardian not 'worthy' of a relationship, as it were.
Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Probably just go into hyper work mode and work harder.
Having a child?
Again, not worthy of such an honor.
Friends/family killed?
Immediate ragequit. Something i've noticed without even meaning to is that whenever something incredibly mentally strenuous happens, he shuts down and runs.
Being outsmarted?
"How did you do that? Son of a- /dead"
Well, if life and death were on the line, anyways.
Being told a bland joke?
No response, unless the person in question is someone he cared for, then polite smiles.
Stepping on a nail?
Little to no reaction if he's with people. If not then immediate rageface.
Eating something disgusting?
Force it down and muscle past the gag reflex.
Buying a slave?
Probably release them. If that's impossible, then treat them like an indentured servant with pay.

[Rosencrat]

Spoiler:

Navren "The Man With the Plan" Windstrider
-Someone romantically interested in them?
Laugh, and tell them to get lost.
-Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Deal with it and talk about the circle of one's fate.
-Having a child?
Son, raise it to take another place in the Demon Hunter circle. Daughter, ignore it and send it with someone else.
-Friends/family killed?
Meditation for hours on end.
-Being outsmarted?
Anger, building attempt to violently proceed.
-Being told a bland joke?
Lean back, stern look, and scratch the moustachops.
-Stepping on a nail?
Eh. Grunt, do nothing.
-Eating something disgusting?
Tear into it. He's had raw demon flesh.
-Buying a slave?
Release, unless it's a warlock. Then it dies.

Marianna "Really? You wan't to say that to me?" Bisen

Someone romantically interested in them?
Become very confused.

Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Kill the boss. Burn down the office. Corrupt family. Salt crops.

Having a child?
Become very confused.

Friends/family killed?
Bury the body. Clean off dagger. Check name off list.

Being outsmarted?
Kill the smartass. Burn down his house. Corrupt friends. Salt crops.

Being told a bland joke?
Bury the body. Clean off dagger. Ask anyone if they have any more jokes. Laugh. Repeat if necessary.

Stepping on a nail?
Apologize to the nail for bending it.

Eating something disgusting?
Food is for the weak and mortal.

Buying a slave?
Buy the slave. Then strong-arm the slave master for more. Then salt them.

[Uthaniel]

Marianna "Really? You wan't to say that to me?" Bisen

Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
Kill the boss. Burn down the office. Corrupt family. Salt crops.

Friends/family killed?
Bury the body. Clean off dagger. Check name off list.

Being outsmarted?
Kill the smartass. Burn down his house. Corrupt friends. Salt crops.

Being told a bland joke?
Bury the body. Clean off dagger. Ask anyone if they have any more jokes. Laugh. Repeat if necessary.

Oh, you.

[Xigo]

Spoiler:

Someone romantically interested in them?
Awkwardly inform said person that she has little interest in a relationship anymore.

Having a child?
Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod what did I do? Who's the father? Oh how am I supposed to raise this child, I'm so busy? Oh, Sunwell, I'm going to have to hire a maid. And figure out how I got this damn thing in my belly. And...

Friends/Family killed?
Death by glaive throwers.

Being outsmarted?
Remain calm until in a private area. Then rage.

Being told a bland joke?
Keep a straight face with a possible smile. Or, if she dislikes the person, glare at them.

Stepping on a nail?
Sue whoever did it. Or sue whatever city that stuck-up nail was in.

Eat something disgusting?
Spit out the food. Find another place to eat at.

Unless it's her cooking. In that case... shame.

Spoiler:

Someone romantically interested in them?
Remain calm.

Women are like raptors when they're in love.


Having a child?
Groan at the idea of having a child aboard his ship. Awkwardly raise it, mostly allowing the mother to take care of it. He's too busy to worry about a damn kid.


Friends/family killed?
Send them on a speedy delivery to the Emperor.


Being outsmarted?
Re-work -every- plan concerning that. Clearly if they could outsmart him on one thing, they could figure out the rest of his plans. And that just won't do.


Being told a bland joke?
Bluntly inform said person that their joke was terrible.


Stepping on a nail?
Nails? On the Last Voyage? Never!

Regardless. Suck it up. Deal with it.


Eating something disgusting?
Suck it up. Ask whichever chef made it what the hell happened.


Buying a slave?
"Welcome to the Inquisition."

[Hawk]

Draknir Blackeye

Spoiler:

Someone romantically interested in them?
- If it was a female Orc who he liked? He'd take her out for a hunt. If it was another race or a male Orc? Avoid at all costs.

Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
- If it was his own fault, he'd accept it. If it's not then he'd be pissed.

Having a child?
- Well, he already has one. In the case he had a second child, he'd raise it no matter the circumstances.

Friends/family killed?
- OBLITERATE THOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR SUCH AN OUTRAGE

Being outsmarted?
- Grunt and shrug it off.

Being told a bland joke?
- Grunt and shrug it off/change the subject.

Stepping on a nail?
- Grunt and shrug it off.

Eating something disgusting?
- If he could without disrespecting someone, he'd just spit it out and get something else to take the taste away.

Buying a slave?
- Probably release them, unless they were a Human or scum of the earth. Then he'd work them until they'd collapse.

Therodore

Spoiler:

Someone romantically interested in them?
- Unless they were hot, he'd stay the hell away.

Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
- Probably tell them where they could go or what they should shove up a particular part of their body.

Having a child?
- Get the hell out of there unless he really cared for the lady-folk he knocked up.

Friends/family killed?
- Mourne their loss and move on.

Being outsmarted?
- This most likely happens on a regular occasion, so he'd just say something along the lines of "... Bah, fuckin' whatever."

Being told a bland joke?
- "Dude, that was awful."

Stepping on a nail?
- Yell out whatever curse word came to mind very loudly and inspect the damage.

Eating something disgusting?
- Spit it out.

Buying a slave?
- Like he'd ever even get the money to do it. But seeing as this is hypothetical... probably let them go. Especially if it was a hot woman.

Tzekel

Spoiler:

Someone romantically interested in them?
- Already has! But if he got a second mate then he'd... just do what he does with his present mate.

Being demoted or fired from a job or mission?
- Scowl and rant in his head about how an inferior being shouldn't be talking such nonsense.

Having a child?
- He'd teach them out to kill things just like daddy does!

Friends/family killed?
- After finding whoever did it, he'd eat them alive. Starting with limbs.

Being outsmarted?
- This is nothing new.

Being told a bland joke?
- Probably wouldn't understand the joke even if it wasn't bland.

Stepping on a nail?
- Eat the nail.

Eating something disgusting?
- Eat the person who made it. Well, not really, but the man eats people. If he doesn't find that disgusting, I dunno what would be for him.

Buying a slave?
- As long as no one found out?

... Eat them. Unless they were very convincing.